I`m not sure how it happened, but I ended up there. Actually, I do know. I was dipping my dirty ass in the Atlantic Ocean by skipping out of work on Friday, decided to drive to Greensboro to meet up with an old roommate, drank a 6-pack on the way thru a giant rainstorm that knocked out all phone lines, that left me drinking beer on the stoop of the Motel 6 on I-85 in G-boro. I realized I was only like 5 hours from Cornelia, Georgia, and what the fuck. Driving in, I knew it was gonna rule, because there were junk cars everywhere, including a red Camaro completely cut into two pieces, plus lots of empty beer cans and faded asphalt with those weird swirls of hot asphalt bubbling to the top. It was the south, it was hot, I had a beer between my legs and felt at home. I had been told by Mr. Jacey North the Days Inn was not far from the Arena, but I had forgotten to get any directions, so I drove around drinking beer until I found it, like after an hour. I had actually gone the right direction earlier, but got scared by a giant factory called Ethicon or something similar yet eery. Checked into the Days Inn, had the fine southern lady at the front desk tell me where the arena was, then I googled Jon Burr`s phone number in Rome to tell his ass to come on. He said he`d meet me at the show, and then I plowed some beers. Oh yeah, I rode up to see where the arena was, and while I did a U-turn, Iceberg pulled up in an Escalade, being the big white dirty south playa pimp he is. Fuck ignorant bitches calling him a racist and telling him not to come back to Philly. I also hope that fuckin` bus catches on fire on the way to Clarksville next month, so you jackasses don`t ruin more people`s good times with your idiotic education beyond your intelligence (credit: Jerry Clower). Smart is stupid. Look for that on a t-shirt of a big, drunk, dreadlocked bastard at KOTDM, that`s me.

Anyways, as it is obvious, I have this terrible hatred of the smart in me, as smarts have ruined wrestling as much as Vince McMahon in recent years, and mother fuckers using the term worker in regards to not getting worked into thinking it`s real, well, it bothers me like dry counties do. But I can`t change what I know, and we can`t go back, so how about a little smark and markish reaction to every match? Okay, I can do it.

JEFF LEWIS, JASON BLACKMAN, JACEY NORTH, & SLIM J VS. MURDER ONE, SHADOW, MASADA, & TODD SEXTON...
Smart in me: kind of weird at times, but a great opening match that gave a bunch of dudes time to shine. Jacey North is a lot better that he was in NWA Virginia, which says something because he was one of the better ones there. It makes me wish even more Virginia indy wrestling could take off, so that guys who are great like Phil Brown and Preston Quinn and the like could get a regular steady place to wrestle close to home every week and become even better. Of course, Jacey was the first to get pinned. Slim J freaked me out because I had really dug his crazy ass on tape, but he was so goddamned small in person. I couldn`t believe it. I do dig the Slim J and lightweight since 1-2-3 Kidd glorified good little guy who can still do a Mulkey flip with a clothesline. That shit rules. Blackman had a lot of fans, but I didn`t care, same with Lewis. Murder One was a great heel, so much so that the drunk redneck behind me dropped the ``nigger`` word a few times, causing the brother a little bit over from me on the bleachers to leave, which sucked doubley - one because it was obviously from the dumbass behind me, and two because he had two girls with him and one of them had a hella-fat ass and was wearing a mini-skirt. My main ogling option was gone. Oh well, there was an older chick with her man at the top of the bleachers sporting some nice breasts in a tank top, which is another great thing about the south - tank tops full of women in the summertime. Yes indeed. Masada I dug just because he wore his hair with multiple ponytail holders. Not enough dudes our age kick that style, so I assume he had an uncle that played a lot of David Allan Coe while he was growing up in Texas. Match ended with heels getting advantage at times elimination style, but Jeff Lewis making the motherfuckin` win and driving the crowd crazy.
Mark in me: the bad guys looked cool and the good guys looked like dorks so I concentrated on planning the quickest route back to the car during intermission to dig delicious cold beers out of the cooler in my trunk. I was stoked on the dingy old building and the crazy crowd - it was real wrestling. No motherfuckin` bullshit chanting and no motherfuckin` people too smart for their own good. Well, there were a few smarts sitting quietly, but the loudmouthed believers were in full effect, and my three criteria for a good wrestling crowd - an old drunk guy, some misbehaving children, and a cripple of some sort - were in full effect WITHIN TEN MOTHERFUCKIN` FEET OF ME, right there on the bleachers.

RUDY BOY GONZALES VS. DON JUAN VS. FAST EDDIE VS. TONY STRADLIN...
smart in me: Jon Burr and his loud, obnoxious friend showed up as the next match started. This was kind of weird, as I hated Stradlin at first because he looked like a heel with his baldhead and bright green outfit, and Fast Eddie and Don Juan were sort of just there, I didn`t care, though I did find Don Juan`s butt-shaking intro funny. Rudy Boy was cool though because he was older and thicker and obviously an awesome guy, you can just tell by looking at dudes sometimes. However, this turned into chicanery as Todd Sexton & Masada came ringside and everybody chased Stradlin who did this absolutely ridiculous rolling away from everybody 3 Stooges spot and got the win. It was what it was.

mark in me: I wanted to punch Jon Burr`s friend who was mocking Rudy Boy pretty badly. I also agreed with Burr that it was really awesome they sold giant pickles from a jar at the concession stand. If only they had some pickled beet eggs though. They`re great with a beer.

SALVATORE RINAURO VS. KOOL SETH DELAY VS. ALTAR BOY LUKE VS. LOST BOY GABRIEL...
smart in me: I am bummed the Lost Boyz were not together as they are my favorite team in quite some time. I didn`t know shit really about the other three, but here`s what I got. Altar Boy Luke is not really an alter boy because he has lots of tattoos and I think that`s his graduation robe he was supposed to return he wears. But he is good, and partially insane. He took a bump doing a 450 splash onto an empty ladder that I thought he shattered his knee. Rinauro - one thing you need to know - HE WILL FUCKIN` PARALYZE HIMSELF FOR YOUR TEN DOLLAR BLEACHER SEAT! And do it well. The kid is seriously insane, and very much like Tony Mamaluke into how he is great at looking like he broke himself. He is either a sadomasochist or addicted to painkillers. The ladder match thing is sort of stupid nowadays because the psychology of actually wanting to get the title belt seems to be lost and dudes just do crazy shit. That being said, these dudes did some serious crazy shit that I enjoyed watching the carnage. But the lights went out as soon as Gabriel was going up for the belt and when they came on, Azrael turned on him, DDTed him from teh ladder and Rinauro got the belt, deservedly. Hopefully the turn will be quick and they won`t ruin a great team forever.
mark in me: Burr and his loud-ass friend were rooting for Rinauro, but I was all about Gabriel. The Lost Boyz are the greatest tag team since Sabu & RVD in 1996, word up. And then that fucker Azrael turned on Gabriel, for Jeff G. Bailey - that slimy child molester motherfucker. I was pissed. I hate Azrael. Gabriel held the Lost Boyz battered chair as he was leaving but he went back to leave it in the ring. I don`t know if anybody else in the whole arena noticed that, but I did, it made me sad. Really, it did.

INTERMISSION...

Burr and his friend were excited to see the cooler of beer at my car, and I invited the dude sitting one car over from me because I noticed him drinking beer in his car like I was before the show and we stared at the same fat ass on a white girl, and in the South I`m from, there`s no motherfuckin` reason a black dude from Cornelia, Georgia, adn a white dude from Scottsville, Virginia, shouldn`t share cold beers in the field aka parking lot beside an arena in a small ass town where the wrestling is going on. We all bullshitted and guzzled are second ones fast as the music kicked back on up at the Church of Wrestling over there we were worshipping at.

THE IMPACT VS. FUTURE SHOCK...
smart in me: automatically, one great thing about this match, both teams had color coordinated trunks, like all regular tag teams should. Plus Future Shock, the asses, wore tarheel blue and were billed as from Chapel Hill, which means people in north Georgia country are gonna hate you. Great shit. The match I got into fair enough, but the heels weren`t heelish enough and faces weren`t pump-me-up excited enough. But they were cute, and there were more good looking girls/women in the Wildside Arena than I have ever seen in any wrestling place ever. Ever. Some even had lower back tattoos, drawing my terrible terrible eyes to study their wares. This match was decent enough, and good triumphed over evil, the real evil came out in Bulldog Raines & Tank, who destroyed everything stylishly. They ruled. I guess Future Shock went sort of tweener by getting beat down too and they showed silent respect to Impact after all four got their asses kicked by the biker gang run by Al Getz.
mark in me: I didn`t really care, until Tank & Bulldog Raines came out. Those dudes look cool. They ruled, and were the only heels I cheered all night, being I was trying to believe and when you believe, fuck cheering the assholes.

KEVIN NORTHCUTT VS. DAVID YOUNG...
smart in me: Hey, I once watched a tape where David Young caught himself on fire in this arena. Actually seeing the arena and how far it is from a hospital made that even more impressive. What a rock star. I had high hopes for this, and it was a technical match, with clean breaks and shit, that accelerated. Some ass in a shiny blue shirt came ringside and mocked Northcutt, setting up Young as the potential heel by defaul assocation, but then ringside dude sort of shut up and it left me lost. Half the crowd was cheering for Young. Hell, even when he yelled at some kid to shut up, it got him over because half the bleachers had been wanting to tell that kid to shut up for five minutes. Anyways, after ringside dude remembered he was a heel and grabbed Northcutt`s leg, Young got the schoolboy roll-up for the win.
mark in me: I kind of liked both guys so I didn`t really do anything for this match but sit there.

WAR GAMES: ICEBERG & RAINMAN & JASON CROSS & JUSTICE VS. HOTSTUFF HERNANDEZ & JEREMY V & JIMMY RAVE & ONYX...
mark in me: seeing this match made the ROH fans booing Iceberg seem even more stupid - he fuckin` rules. He takes bumps more than anybody, and a for a dude his size to get superplexed from the top rope - absolutely incredible. Jimmy Rave was as great as I expected, same with Rainman. What got me here was Jeremy V. I figured, here`s some pretty boy kid, but goddamn, this dude was awesome, double tough, the first to blade, and way motherfuckin` over with everybody in the building. Onyx was perfect as the quiet powerhouse face who gets SUPER PUMPED by doing incredible things - namely superplexing Iceberg. This match was fuckin` awesome, as they put the tethered cage to the test, like you should. Everybody was rammed into it, and Hernandez razor edged somebody, I think Cross into one side. We were sure the cage would break, but it didn`t. After mad excitement, Jeremy V got Rainman to tap out.

mark in me: This ruled. This was the greatest wrestling match I have witnessed live in my adult life. I was so fuckin` into it, and got so caught up, that I completely forgot there was an added stipulation to it. I chanted ``V! V!`` like a goof. But the added stipulation...

RICK MICHAELS VS. JEFF G. BAILEY FOR 5 MINUTES...
smart in me: heel ref runs out and steals key and locks himself in with Bailey and Michaels, which was perfect, because after the powder and nutshots wore off and Michaels took over, the key was stuck inside, which meant nobody could interfere from the outside. Brilliant. But fuck the smart, because I watched this with complete emotion.

mark in me: I have never been so worked up for a wrestling match. Jeff G. Bailey is a completely worthless vile human being, and I wanted him to get his so fuckin` bad. The greatest thing ever was when Bailey had Iceberg`s potato peeler in his hand, but Michaels clocked him and it fell center ring, but Michaels had Bailey back to the corner. The peeler sat there, and I saw it and yelled with ecstasy for Michaels to turn around, as did others. He punched Bailey, then heard the cries, and turned around, and there it was. Of course he carved the shit out of Bailey`s head and us blood-thirsty southerners got ours. Dragon Dan Wilson was actually on top of the announcers booth jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning when that happened. After more bloodletting and heel ref chicanery, Michaels won the match. It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful, the greatest main event thing I`ve ever seen in a wrestling card, even better than the double DQ Dusty Rhodes/Ric Flair World title match I saw when I was 12. Everybody chanted ``RICK!`` and he talked for a few minutes, and it was awesome.

That was it, me and Burr and his friend drank what was left of the beer as we contemplated a run to NC for more beer, but didn`t do it. Stupid Georgia stopped selling at 11:30, and I only had like 12 left, but we split them while watching some old Memphis in the hotel room and discussing the greatness of things like Jerry Clower and Gomer Pyle being gay.

I don`t know, Wildside was absolutely awesome, and on one hand I`d like to say EVERYBODY SHOULD SUPPORT THEM! especially with them starting to run in Athens next week, a college town full of money. But at the same time, it`s pure right now, and the influence of smarts dirties that purity and makes the wrestling more polite and handshakey and stupid. I like it raw and real myself. Even ordering the tape, which you should do, doesn`t do it justice. The emotion of wrestling is meant, I think, to be experienced live. When you`re there, you`re in it, and can feel it. It had me motherfuckin` wishing for the death of Jeff G. Bailey, to finally get his, that evil bastard. A tape can`t do that. Plus tapes don`t have pickles for sale at the concession stand, or little kids giving you high fives.

In the parking lot, I met up with Jacey North and Dragon Dan Wilson and Iceberg and Larry Goodman and Jeff G. Bailey`s ol` lady, and all were good folks. Good folks, good wrestling, and cold beer. As long as my shitty Tercel doesn`t die, I`ll go back again.