PP: As usual when it comes to these shows, I make it to the Lodge first as Ray's still trying to gnaw his hand off at the wrist in order to escape from his desk at work. By the time I got to the door it had to be 20 degrees out and I was dreading a repeat of the first UCW show where the security morons kept everyone outside for 30 minutes after the door was supposed to open under similar conditions, but this time we were amazingly allowed inside to warm up a bit before they started selling tickets. Tickets go on sale and I grab the usual front-row balcony seats, this time as far away from the speakers as possible. You can tell who just got back from Japan as there's like half a dozen guys walking around in new Ribera jackets.

RD: Given the fact I'm expecting this show to go 80 hours long and it's friggin' cold out, I don't feel the need to stand outside of an indy show in freezing weather. Plus I'm not going to be upset about missing a ticket seller match. I get to the show at just about bell time. Pre-show I run into Mike Johnson who asks me why I didn't sign up for their JAPW bus trip. I told him it was because I was taking the free bus from JAPW. Mike then informs me that he is the free bus now. Because I was running late, I skipped dinner because I had a late lunch... bad idea.

MATCH 1: FOUR-WAY TAG TEAM ELIMINATION MATCH: THE FRATERNITY (Iceberg/Mr. Vendetta) w/ Miss Sinful vs. NUKE/JASON STATIC vs. JOSH DEELY/J-CHRONIC w/Mr. Big vs. BAD BOY KRACKA/SOUTHERN SUPREMICE (w/SKINHEAD IVAN & ADOLF)
PP: Ray shows up as the show is about to start and lets me know that Highspots Mike has set up a couple of tables, at which point I decide that the second a ticket-seller comes through the curtain, I'm hitting the merch. 5 seconds later New Dynamite Kid (who is black) comes out dressed in full Confederate regalia, and I immediately excuse myself.  I will leave Ray to carry this portion of the review.

RD: By the time I got around to writing this, the USA Pro. Anyway, Bad Boy Kracka is the former New Dynamite Kid who turns on his race and joins up with Ivan. It's the New Klan! I await the New Christopher Street Connection being the other members of the group. I think Nuke and Static were eliminated first by Deely and J-Chronic. Then they got eliminated by Kracka and SS. Then Iceberg and Vendetta who I think stayed out of the match until the final elimination got the pin on someone. I think it was at this point that the Baptised (Psycho Sam & Ken Sweeney) ran in and attacked the Fraternity. I think Sam hit Miss Sinful with something, though it seemed like he wasn't sure she was supposed to take something or he went for it too early or something. It doesn't really matter.

PP: Between this match and the next they shoot an angle with Mike Kruel seemingly about to propose to Becky Bayless when we get the SHOCKING~! debut of Becky's ex... Billy Reil? He hits the ring from the crowd and tries to break up the engagement, then toasts Kruel with a baton when Kruel tries to get Becky out of the ring. He also has lots of uncomplimentary things to say about the Hispanics in the crowd. This show is not off to a good start. THE STRYKER! makes the save for Kruel and they set up a singles match for later in the show.

RD: Hey, it's Billy Reil! No means no! You didn't really expect something with someone's girlfriend to go off smooth in wrestling, did you?

MATCH 2: USAPW GAUNTLET TITLE DECISION MATCH: GRIM REEFER vs. PAPALICIOUS vs. JUSTIN CAGE vs. DAN BARRY vs. AZRAEL vs. DIXIE vs. QUIET STORM vs. GHOST SHADOW vs. CHRIS DIVINE
PP: This is really fun in spots as Reefer (one of the 18 million Homicide trainees on the show) carries the first half of the match, burning through Papalicious, Justin Cage and some unknown worker in Tiger Mask-style pants doing a borderline gay gimmick. He flashes some tricked-out offense including a neato finisher where he drops Gay Tiger Mask, heads up top and walks halfway down the ropes before hitting a swanton for the pin. Azrael is next and they work nicely together until a chair finds its way into the ring. Azrael drops Reefer, sets the chair on him and goes up top, but Reefer tosses the chair at him as he goes for a moonsault and Azrael takes a hideous landing on the chair. Reefer pins him really quick, at which point Dixie bum-rushes the ring and immediately hits him with the Dixie Driver for the pin. My guess is that Azrael was supposed to go over here but he got fucked up for real and they just ended his night to be on the safe side. Quiet Storm is in next and makes short work of Dixie, leading to the best match of the gauntlet as Ghost Shadow is in next. GS gets over big-time doing his "BOOOOOOOOO!" shtick but eventually falls to a Quiet Storm SCD variation. Chris Divine is the finalist, and he immediately makes his mark on the match... by crashing into the apron as he tries to slide in. Ghost Shadow totally loses it as he's walking out. Divine Storm go back and forth until Storm puts him away to win the new USAPW Gauntlet title. Great... another way to stretch out USAPW shows to mind-boggling proportions. That and Azrael's injury aside, this was fun.

RD: Reefer looked pretty good in the stuff that I saw. Against Papalicious, he spent almost all of the match getting beat up until he turned a tilt-a-whirl slam into a crossface hold and got the tap out. Cage and Reefer was a little more even on offense wise. I think Reefer beat him with a backerbreaker move out of a rude awakening set up, which is something I've seen CM Punk use. According to the USA Pro site, the guy in the Tiger Mask tights was Dan Barry. I really don't remember exactly much of his segment, except he did I think a dive and surprised the hell out of us by missing a shooting star press before Reefer did the rope walk into the senton. I'm pretty sure Azrael was supposed to go over. I was really disappointed by what happens because I've been digging Azrael's work that I've seen so far as he's done a bunch of different styles just about every time I've seen him. Unfortunately, this is the time, he decided to do some garbage spots with the chair. I'm pretty sure he it the side of the chair when it landed, it was not good, though I haven't heard if he broke his leg or not, they took it home pretty quick after this. Dixie took out Reefer to quick I guess to give him a break and just keep things rolling. Quiet Storm and Dixie's segment seemed pretty sort, though given the length of the rest of the show, I guess that's a good thing. Storm took out Dixie with the Spinal Shock. The Ghost Shadow/Quiet Storm was long, though it seems to follow the trend of the previous guantlet matches I have seen them in. Shadow works over Storm, has the match won, but in this case, keeps pulling up Quiet Storm. Storm counters out of something into leg lock thing for the win. Divine's run in with the the apron made just about everyone loose it. I don't think he really blew anything in this aside from his charge into the ring. Storm made him tap to the cobra clutch crossface hold.

MATCH 3: KRAZY IVAN (w/BAD BOY KRACKA, SOUTHERN SUPREMICE & ADOLF) vs. NORMAN SMILEY
PP: Prince Nana comes out (in the Ribera jacket!) and brings out Smiley as Ivan's mystery opponent, and Smiley dancing to the Commodores' "Brick House" is almost worth the price of admission by itself. Smiley predictably dominates Ivan and Crew, busting out the world's greatest bodyslam plus the Big Wiggle on Ivan before the Neo-Nazi Ticketers interfere long enough for Ivan to hit the Sieg Heil legsweep... and get the pin?!?! Ivan goes over but Smiley cleans house again, including inadvertently debuting the Burning Bodyslam as one of Ivan's teammates takes Smiley's slam right on his head. Oofah. Smiley dances again postmatch and all is well.

RD: Smiley controlled a lot of this, but part of problem is since we haven't seen him win a match without an SE finish in about 3 years, we were trying to figure what his finisher would be. He did get on the crossface chickenwing at one point, so I'm guessing that was it. It seemed like Norman was running out of steam near the end. He took the the Seig Heil leg sweep, but it didn't get the win. He ended up taking Ivan's rolling leg drop thing, even though he was out of position and sort of took it on his back. Post match, Adolf got pantsed for the big wiggle and then took the indy as all get out bump for the bodyslam. Post match, Hanson danced with Smiley. I'm surprised we didn't get a dance off, though I don't think Ivan has done that gimmick in NY yet.

MATCH 4: TIM ARSON & LIVE WIRE (w/MISS MICHELLE) vs. REDNECKS FROM HELL (BIG JAY & MATT LARIAT, w/MIDNIGHT RIDER)
PP: The Midnight Rider is a fat guy in jeans, denim shirt and Pierroth mask. Ray and I spend most of the match trying to figure out why Dean didn't call to let us know he was in town this weekend. OTOH, my future trophy wife Michelle does a Miss Elizabeth-style eye candy gimmick and is a total cutie-pie. (/drooling fanboy) Arson and Wire win the match after hog-tying Dean^H^H^H^H^Rider to a chair and double-teaming Jay with something.

RD: Los Fatboy invades USA Pro! This was eh. I'm trying to remember anything really specific about it. I'd seen the Rednecks look better. It was funny watching the hog tying as Arson beats up the Rider and sort of ties him up and then sort of lays the rope over the chair to hold him in place before hitting the TKO and putting Brockcito on top for the win.

MATCH 5: "BOOGIE DOWN BRONX BRAWL:" MIKE TOBIN vs. DANNY DRAKE
PP: Stryker comes out, relieves Ref Hanson from his duties and announces that he is the only man who could possibly referee the battle of his Knight Life confreres, at which point he duly takes off his "HIGHSPOTS.COM" shirt (to accompanying girlie pop) and puts on the referee shirt. Match proper isn't much to speak of here although Drake gets points for coming out to Manfred Mann's "Blinded by The Light," which allows me and Ray to make with the "Cut loose like a what?" jokes. Tobin wins, after which Drake calls a truce and the BKs reunite. HIT THE MUSIC~! "You're The Best Around" plays and so it's all good.

RD: Somewhere Stan Bush, John Cafferty and Robert Tepper cry gentle tears that Manfred Mann got the call and they didn't. I was trying to figure out how the Boogie Knights were going to have a match with each other since 90% of their matches is them getting the shit kicked out of them. Stryker seemed to do a quick count for Tobin on a small package. The Boogie Knights reunite. They ask Stryker to rejoin Knight Life with them, but he just walks away.

MATCH 6: PRINCE NANA vs. WAYNE THE CONVENIENCE STORE GUY
PP: I hit the facilities at the start of this, but I stick around long enough to see that according to DJ Anthony's sheet, there's still NINE MATCHES LEFT. "Oh my." Nana dominates Wayne throughout only to get DQ'ed after beating up Hanson for some reason.

RD: Goodman comes out and explains the Trekkie isn't here because he's got "VD", so he's stripping Wayne and Trekkie of the titles and putting them on the line later. Nana comes out and is upset he has to work Wayne, he and Goodman argue. Nana beats on Wayne, Hanson tries to stop him from doing something in the corner, Nana punches him and gets DQ'ed.

MATCH 7: FOUR-WAY ELIMINATION MATCH: WRECKA vs. THE BOOGALOU! vs. JOHNNY BRAVADO vs. LOWLIFE LOUIE RAMOS
PP: Boy, they should've passed out raincoats to the folks in the front row because YE GODS was there a ton of blood here as all four guys juice. Lou gets eliminated first after Bravado powerbombs him through a board heaped with thumbtacks on the floor. Bravado goes next after Wrecka piledrives him on the stage, then the fun really starts as Wrecka pulls some sort of photo out from his pants and STAPLES it to Louie's head and chin. Louie is a disgusting mess by the end of this but manages to win after DVD'ing Wrecka on another mess of tacks. Postmatch all four do the "hail fellow well met" handshakes... ooooooookay.

RD: This is what balcony seats were invented for. Pete sort of mixed up the eliminations. Boogalou eliminated Bravado with the powerbomb to the board on the floor, Lou got eliminated by Wrecka after getting piledrivered on the stage. Wrecka not only stapled the picture, but I think he he took a dollar bill to the chin as well. A mat classic this was not.

MATCH 8: MAFIA vs. KEN SWEENEY
PP: Mafia comes out and announces that Monsta Mack can't make the show due to injury (apparently he broke his foot), but he lays down an open challenge. Ken Sweeney comes out and pulls the shock upset on Mafia... yeah right. Mafia annhilates him with the Burning Hammer in less than a minute. Sam Dudley (or whatever he's calling himself now) hits the ring for a double-team but Homicide (I think) makes the save.

RD: I missed this whole thing as I hit the bathroom and the highspots table. While this was going on, Miss Sinful's ass was being offered up to Norman Smiley to hit the big wiggle on.

MATCH 9: MASKED MANIAC vs. THE PLAGUE
PP: Shoot me.

RD: I think the Plague is Dr. Phienus Zero, but I don't know. I think I started reading magazines at this point. My records show the Plague won, I don't know how or care either, USA Pro's site says the Maniac won. Whatever. Post match the fans chanted "You suck dick" at the Maniac who told them to wait and see if he sucks dick after what he does next. He ends up abusing a security guy and shaving part of his hair. Only to get answered with "You suck dick" chants. The highlight of this was Mafia sticking his head through a hole in the curtain making wacky faces.

MATCHES 10-11: USAPW US TITLE AND USAPW X-TREME TITLE: HOMICIDE(C) vs. STEVE CORINO
PP: An interesting concept for this as Homicide defends the US Title in the first match, then the X-Treme Title in the second match, with both guys wrestling accordingly. Corino comes out to the Sanshiro Takagi music so this is already the greatest match ever. First fall is pretty good as they stick to the mat for the most part, ending when Homicide hits the SHINING WIZAAAAAAD on Corino to retain the US title. Second fall has them brawling around ringside when Corino takes a bad shot to his hand (he's been working on it broken for a couple of weeks) and they go home early with Homicide forcing him to tap out.

RD: These weren't as good as the previous Corino/Homicide match I had seen, but I'm sure that had everything to do with Corino's injury. Still, this was pretty good. They ended up working straight up wrestling style the first fall, once it went to the X-Treme title, Homicide started using chairs and stuff. He did a spot where he hit Corino's arm/hand on the post with a chair and I think won by working over the fingers and I think using a weapon like a spike or the bell hammer to get the win.

MATCH 12: DERANGED vs. BRIAN XL
PP: Pretty good match (Deranged going over the newly-rematerialized XL via his high-speed sunset flip), but the big story is that Deranged apparently worked this match AFTER getting KO'd legit by Danny Demanto during a fight near the Highspots table. Apparently Demanto had dissed Deranged for getting hurt on the last USAPW show, which led to Deranged taking a cheap shot at him and the donnybrook was on. Consensus is that Demanto's a dead man if Mr. Homicide ever gets his hands on him.

RD: I think a bunch of people had seen the incident and were riding Deranged about it the whole time. XL was dressed in an SAT/Red shirt and wearing one of the old SAT Orange jumpsuits. I don't remember much about this, but I don't think XL blew anything hideously like he's known to do from time to time.

MATCH 13: USAPW TAG TITLE DECISION MATCH: SPANISH ANNOUNCE TEAM (JOSE MAXIMO & JOEL MAXIMO) vs. DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELZ (EC NEGRO & KC BLADE)
PP: Wayne and the Trekkie were supposed to defend the USAPW tag titles against the New Christopher Street Connection (Mace Mendoza and Eddie Guapo), but according to Frank Goodman, Trekkie couldn't work the show because "he got VD." That is a new one. So they get stripped of the straps and the winners here get them. The Maximos come out and accuse DRS of looking like "the gay SATs," which is way up there on the Sports Guy's UCR scale. I mean every time I've said to myself "The Maximos can't possibly look any gayer now," damned if they haven't gone out and proven me wrong. To prove my point, they're now sporting facepaint with flower designs. NTTAWWT. Anyhow, this match is fucking awesome as all four guys just stiff the shit out of each other throughout the match... I haven't seen the SATs work this stiff in ages. My take is that it's a wrestling school thing as you've got the Mikey trainees (Maximos) vs. the Doghouse boys (DRS). Maximos dominate early with Jose hitting the nastiest top-rope senton I've ever seen on Blade. DRS eventually isolate Jose and control the middle portion with their usual assortment of tricked-out double-teams. Joel eventually gets the hot tag and the finishing sequence has them going all Japan as Negro slaps a crossface on Joel and cinches it for about a minute while Jose has to fight his way past Blade to finally make the save. Finish has Negro whipping Joel to the buckles and doing his scream pose (the ENTIRE building screaming in unison with him), only to get *wasted* with a Joel kick as he charges in. Joel bends him back 90-degrees with a Boston crab and Negro taps to end it. Really great match, and these four deserve all the credit in the world for getting this deader-than-Al-Hirschfeld crowd back into the show.

RD: Jose I think calls them the "Gay SATs" and I ask Pete "You mean there's a straight SATs?" I think they had one of them had "Red" panted on the side of his face. This was really enjoyable. The SAT decided to work stiff for the first time in like a year as there were points in the match were each side would have a guy in there and they'd just be hammering away on each other with elbows. Joe L brought back the old killer lariat. This was a hot match, the crowd once again was split, the majority was for the SAT and a few pockets for the DRS. I think they did a great job on a few of the near finishes with the Crossface spot by Negro with Blade holding the other Maximo back and trying to tie them up into a submission was great. The SAT's go over, but for the most part, the DRS looked like they could have won the match and came out looking like a threat. A really well laid out and fun match.

MATCH 14: BILLY "HIGHLIGHT" REIL vs. (no longer Mike) KRUEL (w/BECKY BAYLESS)
PP: Kruel sends Becky to the back in order to keep her away from Reil. Reil spouts off some more about Hispanics but no amount of racist cheap heat will get him a reaction after the previous match. I remember 15-year-old Billy Reil and his pals putting on wrestling matches at the ECW Arena for us Bleacher Bums as Psycho Kid Billy, so it is with more than a little sadness that I state he sucks a dick here. Reil dominates most of the match as Kruel is selling his ribs from the earlier beatdown, which leads Becky to come out with the Boogie Knights so they can help their fellow Knight Life member. Instead they attack Kruel and Becky is great selling the shock of the turn. Kruel manages to fight them off and slaps his jujigatame on Reil who FRANTICALLY taps out before suddenly realizing that this isn't the finish and he reverses out of the move. Reil, you frigging MORON you. Reil eventually gets the win after hitting Kruel with another weapon shot and a beatdown ensues until Becky fetches Stryker to make the save. We get just enough time to consider how good a Stryker/Kruel vs. BKs match might be when Stryker ALSO turns on Kruel. Becky's reaction to this is priceless as she perfectly sells the anguish of having inadvertently set up her beau to get obliterated 4-on-1. Anyhow, Reil replaces Kruel in Knight Life, KO'ing Becky and carrying her out for good measure. Feh.

RD: Reil going for the cheap heat was sad. It's even more sad when you've got Ivan already doing that whole act. I'm guessing he was making an effort to get shanked by someone. Oh the humanity of Kruel having to put over Reil.

MATCH 15: CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. XAVIER vs. LOW-KI
PP: Man alive does Ki look freaky with his hair growing in. This is a really good match doomed by really, REALLY poor placement as the show's already four hours in, but nevertheless they kick out the jams while the crowd starts streaming out and a bunch of retards behind us make Pizza Hut jokes throughout the match at Xavier (who apparently works in said food service establishment). "WWE Rejects" jokes also abound, and I'm really beginning to hate the human race by the time this is done. Daniels gets eliminated first off a Ki-Krusher, and Xavier surprisingly eliminates Ki with the X-Breaker to win the match. Again, what I remember of this was really good although I was hourglassing big-time by this point.

RD: This was a good match, but again, the toll of the evening is catching up as this starts at about 4 to 4 1/2 hours in. This was good. Lots of back and forth stuff. I think all 3 guys looked good. Daniels looked really good and I think it was pretty good outing for Xavier who people seem to be down on for some reason. I'm not too surprised at Xavier going over, though he did go over clean with no goofiness which is a plus.

MATCH 16: USAPW WORLD TITLE: SABU(c) vs. BALLS MAHONEY (w/UNIDENTIFIED LADY FRIEND, KEN SWEENEY & SAM DUDLEY)
PP: Finally... mercifully... the main event. Balls continues to get on our good side as he does some matwork early before Sabu ejects him to the floor and eventually hits the triple jump to the floor after blowing it the first time. Sabu soon whips out a spike and goes to town on Balls's head; Balls' girlfriend tries to break it up but Sabu lays into her as well and she juices big-time off the spike shots. Somehow the spike gets knocked into the crowd at some point. Sabu has Balls laid out on a table on the floor at some point, but Daniels comes out and interferes long enough for Balls to hit the Nutcracker Suite on Sabu off the apron and through the table. Balls pins Sabu to regain the title; Daniels is apparently in the Orgy of Violence now. I suppose Sabu/Daniels could work.

RD: I think Pete has mixed up his USA Pro factions. I think Balls and company are "The Baptised." I think this was a pretty good outing as I don't think Sabu really blew anyting horribly though he did abort on triple jump plancha before going back and hitting it. Let's hope they don't do an 8 man. I think my head would explode if Sweeney and Daniels are on the same side of a tag match.

POSTSHOW
PP: I apologize for leaving a lot of details out on my end of the review, but the fact of the matter is that going to USAPW shows is like the wrestling equivalent of ADD. I have now decided that should I ever buy and renovate the Lodge, I will turn it into the American Indy Scum Korakuen Hall. Any promotion that wants to run there will be welcome to do so as long as they obey my Three Commandments:
1. Thou shalt not smoke in the Lodge. If you want to smoke, go outside.
2. Thou shalt not be a drunken jackass in the Lodge. Each fan who enters the building will receive a coupon allowing them to buy one (1) beer from concessions. Upon presenting the coupon, they will get their hand stamped signalling that they've had their beer and they've been cut off. Period. This is in response to the tool in our row who went on beer runs for something like six matches in a row plus the douchebag fans behind us (who may have even been the same schmucks bellowing "hilarious" alcohol jokes at Eddy Guerrero during that awesome match he had with Ki last November).
3. (And this is the big one) Thou shalt not run five-hour shows in the Lodge. Anyone who books the Lodge for a show will be forced to a) limit the show to 3 hours and 30 minutes, or b) end it by the 11pm curfew. And this WILL be enforced. I will install a giant clock in the main hall that either counts down from 3 hours once the opening bell goes off, or shows the current time. Once it hits zero or the curfew, a horn will go off signalling the end of the show. And any promoter who complains about not getting enough time will lose their rights to run the building. Talk to the goddamn hand.

PP: We finally stagger out into the freezing cold and make our way to the subway station, where we wait 30 minutes before a train finally shows up. During the wait I mention to Ray that Highspots Mike had a cool Mil Mascaras figure... he hears "Mil figure" and thought I said "MILF figure." Hilarity ensues.

RD: I was finally able to get something to eat after like 8 hours. I ended up rolling into my house at about 2am. It was so cold, I actually wore the mask I picked up from Highspots from the bus to my house, though it only helped a little. I thoughouly wait Cheif Morley working under a mask as MILF Mascaras.