We go in and Ryan spots JT immediately and we gravitate to the King Of East Side- all while "Tell Me Something Good" is blaring throught the PA. They then played "Superfly" by Curtis Mayfield and we all agree that it is truly a magic moment. JT is stopped by AT least 5 people- wrestlers and fans- to discuss HALO (?) at length. JT is also East Side King Of The Geeks. It was great.
We make fun of Rob Hoffman after awhile and freak out over the greatness of Middle Aged Ref Flynt Stone's name.
(I steal Steve Matiaco's quick results because I've drunk more than you ever will in my life and I can't remember what year it is half the time.)
JOHN STONE VS MIDNIGHT RIDER: Stone is from EAGLE PASS, TEXAS! He ain't BlackJack Mulligan. The Midnight Rider wore a mask. He ain't Dusty Rhodes. I'm assuming that this was Midnight Rider's first match. Thus I can't really comment much but would recommend that he try to get the crowd into the match at some point somehow next time out. It was quite the footnote of the evening. Stone with a Figure Four after a period of time.
GRAIL/ QUICKSTYLE/ JOHN JOHN THE PHENOMENON VS HUGH "BAD NEWS" JOHNSON/ MIKE "Lynn" VAUGHN/ KINGPIN DONOVAN TORREZ (with MOTHERFUCKING MANAGER OF MOTHERFUCKING CHAMPIONS NEIL MOTHERFUCKING SHARKEY): This was the surprise match of the night. This match was fucking great great great fun and was almost as Southern as the OSE match (which couldn't have been more masterfully Southern if you had added Gene Anderson to it). It all hinged on Mike Vaughn upping the stiffness with John John to carry the body of the match RIGHT AFTER Hugh Johnson and Quickstyle set-up the foundation of Hugh Johnson being gigantic and Quickstyle being little and thus soon to be a recipient of the babyface assbeating. Johnson is a large Black man with the AWWWWESOME Flag of Canada wrestling boots. He also bumps like a fucking FREAK early so he has already won over by we dorks at ringside. Torrez is wearing what appears to be tuxedo pants and it seems like a waste to put such a cheap heat machine teaming him with the KING of cheap heat Neal Sharkey, but Torrez held his own in the ring and that was good. Grail is turning into the best thing to come out of the GWA school- as he is looking like a future Super 8 contestant. The match is fucking beautiful as they take turns beating the poo out of tiny Quickstyle- much to the chagrin of the children at ringside. "Mike" "Lynn" Vaughn drops the MOTHERFUCKING SWEEEET Elbow Drop as I fight back love's easy tears. JT is frothing at the mouth for Johnson to hit a Ghettoblaster- as we had seen his Canadian boots and we had already concocted his Bastard Son Of Bad News Allen gimmick. He could claim to be from Calgary. (I didn't think of the Bastard Son Of Larry Cameron gimmick until this morning. THAT would truly rule.) En lieu, Johnson hits a nice RYDEEN BOMB before Quickstyle can finally makes a comeback after the Grail save and the faces are afire. They do a LUCHA STAR and I give it a standing ovation. I nearly wept. It was so great. They went into a high spot train where Quickstyle hit a plancha and Grail hit a plancha and John John did the El Samurai Senton Off The Apron. Torrez tries some shenanignas with his walking stick but Quickstyle breaks it up. Grail procures the GNARLEY Sharpshooter/Crossface Combo and it looked fucking NASTY as he leaned back on it. Torrez taps and we are happy wrestling fans. I want to see more of all these guys. Grail is your skinny greasy-haired messiah. Mike Vaughn was the glue that kept it together. All wrestling should be this fun.
CHRIS ESCOBAR versus EL TORO ROJO: I was scared for a couple of reasons. I figured neither of these guys have EVER been outbumped in a match and I could see one them being peeled off the cement with cheesecloth. I also feared that it was face versus face match and God I hate a feace versus face match. Who arrives to save the day? JACEY MOTHERFUCKING NORTH! It was a surprise ( though I found out about it as I walked in. Stupid Dave.) Jacey tells the two little bastards that he was NWA VA HEAVYWEIGHT Champion and he STILL doesn't get any respect and he was going to teach these two punks a lesson! I usually hate a 3-way but the heel-face dynamic was installed and it made for a far better match. Escobar is fucking great. Jacey is fucking great. Toro Rojo- after twelvish matches- is good enough to be carried by these two. You could tell the difference because Jacey was kicking the fuck out of Escobar and Rojo; Escobar was throwing beautiful punches at Jacey and Rojo; and Rojo was throwing punches that looked like he had been wrestling for less than a year. It was a good dynamic of Jacey or Escobar controlling the action while Rojo took well set-up spots. They then kick into EVERYONE DIES modeand hit the topropeDouble German Suplex 3-way spot off the top and Rojo FEARLESSLY dies for our pleasure as Jacey also dies For our pleasure. And we found it pleasing. Escobar, not to be outbumped, does the Asai Moonsault ankle-first into the guardrail. Jacey does beautifully bastardly heel offense leading up to a Lawler Jumping Piledriver. I can't remember the exact finish. I just remember Escobar rolling up Jacey. I SOOOOO want to see Jacey versus either of these two- but especially Escobar.
MALICIOUS MURPHY/ DRAGAN FROST VS CHRIS DRAMIN/SEAN CALLAWAY: Sean Callaway continues to be one of the most improved wrestlers of the last 12 months. This was no masterpiece but he was holding it together before it completely fell to pieces by the end. Plus Kim came over and I hadn't talked to her in forever thus I remember very little from this match. This was the first of a four team gauntlet match.
JAY AND TREY OWENS VS MALICIOUS MURPHY/ DRAGAN FROST: The Owens Brothers immediately hit a quick Frogsplash/Moonsault combo on Frost to quickly move the gauntlet along. The first match was pretty endless so the exhaustion factor on Murphy and Frost warranted a 30 second loss in the second round.
FRANK THE TANK PARKER/ SCOTTY BLAZE VS THE OWEN BROTHERS: It seemed that Preston Quinn must have given a clinic for punching and invited the Owen brothers- but only Trey showed up. My beef with the Owen Brothers has always been that their punches sucked but this night Trey's punches looked really good. Jay's still really suck. Frank the motherfucking Tank Parker FUCKING RULES and he and Scotty Blaze are DEEPLY challenging Booth and Wayne as the best tagteam in the indies. Erotica D'Vine sprays the ring with air freshener and I realize that I could use a good Febrezin' myself. Parker and Blaze pummel Trey and the Owens make a big comeback that is thwarted by Erotica spraying an Owen in the face with the air freshener and Parker rolling them up. I wish TomK was here to weep at the Old School of it all.
Powermad Jeff Capo continues to deny us a ladies champion. Kameo doesn't show, but just as well- as her buttocks pale in comparison to Scott Hotshot's valet's. That's a deathmatch we could get behind. Kylie McLean is suitably appalled at the backstage hijinx of Capo to keep her down.
DIRTY MONEY/ PHIL BROWN VS BEEF/ MARTY REED: Beef looks just like Danzig. Marty Reed looks just like Tom Petty. MulDOOMSTONE, JT and I try to figure out how they became friends. My guess is that they met at a party at John Christ's house and both were holding Chuck Biscuits' hair as he was vomiting into the pool. The match is basically Money and Brown just beating the dogshit out of Marty Reed. This of course leads to us trying to figure out what the worst Tom Petty song is. I contend that "You Got Lucky" is the shittiest song and request that Phil Brown punch our Tom Petty proxy in the face for "Running Down A Dream". mDS wants Reed to pay the ultimate price for that "Last DJ" song. JT wants Reed broken for that song Petty wrote 8 hours after the LA riots started. Luckily, Dirty Money and Phil Brown beat the entire Petty catalog past HARD PROMISES out of Reed before Beef makes a hot tag and hits a Beef Spear. Reed tags back in gets pinned before paying the price for actual good songs like "Llisten To Her Heart". I can't figure out why this went 14 minutes other than to show that Money and Brown do have fifteen minutes of amusing techniques of beating the shit out of someone. Reed was quite the MAN to take it. Odd.
PETE JANNINGS VS RON PHAROAH: Pharoah had cool tights.
SCOTTY BLAZE/ FRANK THE TANK PARKER VS DAMIAN WAYNE/ MIKE BOOTH: My Indie Match Of The Year. FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Damian Wayne quickly replaces Preston Quinn as the Best Wrestler In The South. This was the Nightmares versus the Mod Squad versus Fabulous Ones vs the Anderson Brothers. Blaze and Tank wrestled heel- but DiBiase Ass-Stomp heel. Old School Empire wrestle Heel-Turned-Face style- which basically heel tactics with babyface selling. And they beat the LIVING DOGPISS OUT OF EACH OTHER. Parker and Wayne were like Arn Anderson and Ricky Morton- in that Parker brought the beating and Wayne made it look GODLIKE. Booth and Blaze were also bludgeoningly great beating the shit out of each other- but Wayne and Parker were just motherfucking GOLD. It was one of those great Southern matches where the heels stop needing to get cheap heat with the crowd because they are getting legit heat from the ringwork and you get to that other level of where you always want wrestling to be. Wayne's punches and his toprope elbow drop are so 50000% more hardcore than ANYTHING you will see in indie wrestling. And the crazed running elbows off the apron onto Parker was so violent and hateful that you can't call it something as pussy-assed aas a "highspot". "Hate" is the operative word and this match conjured more hate than any match I've seen in the Us in a while. The run-in ending was annoying but the match was everything I like in professional wrestling. I recommend a 3 hour Ironman Match.
JARRELL CLARK VS SCOTT HOTSHOT: This match was pretty fucking great too. Clark is all shootstyle in his highflying and it makes it all intense. Plus he throws TRULY nasty suplexes- including one Wristclutch Straightjacket Suplex that looked like it should have separated Hotshot's shoulder. Hotshot looked really good in this too- adding good matwork to his Date-Rapist Creepy Goodlooks. Maybe there were too many pinfalls but I don't remember it ever getting annoying. Jarrell Clark's 630 Splash is pretty fabulous though it looked like his landing was a bit off- crushing Hotshot's skull. Schneider was right about Clark ruling it. Clark vs Escobar would be the optimum local title defense. I dug Hotshot too. And not just because of his valet's magnificent butt.
We wait around for Jacey but I have to get home to be browbeaten. FABULOUS night of the Professional Wrestling.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN RASMUSSEN.