DVDVR ROAD REPORT: NWA-VA- 3/5/2005
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
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The city of Richmond STILL hasn't opened the roads from downtown to Fulton Hill so once again I had to circumnavigate the drug dens and used auto parts outlets that pepper the Henrico County/City of Richmond eastern border. I notice that it's a large crowd tonight because I have to park my '97 Protege around the corner in a street that was right out of an Edgar Allen Poe poem. Luckily, it's a 97 Protege so what was the worst that can happen? Anyhoos, everybody who went to this baby was stoked at how good it was. I'm all jaded now and expect a fucking AJW 93 Egg Dome performance every time out the gates for these guys. This is my area and the wrestling here has a long tradition to follow so I'm a dick when it comes to being nice to people because this IS the fucking Mid-Atlantic area. This is where I learned to love wrestling and where I saw wrestling have affects on my personal life beyond simply the art of professional wrestling. It's having something to talk about with my uncle Bobby when there was absolutley nothing else in common between us. It's a link to my Hawaiian/Polynesian/Asian side, where my cousins and I would place Mid-Atlantic wrestling in the same spectrum as Kung Fu movies and the Buddhas decorating my aunts' houses; up there with flower prints and horrible stories of getting to the mainland- both for my father and his siblings but also my aunts and uncles from the Phillipines and Puerto Rico that married into the family. So wrestling in the Mid-Atlantic is a big fucking deal to me. If you can't understand that, then fuck you. YEAH YEAH YEAH.

Anyway.

They were doing play-by-play over the PA and jiminy fucking christmas do I really hate that. Live wrestling is about the interaction between the wrestlers and crowd. Any other elements that are infused is just bush league.

BRANDON DAY VS SEAN CALLAWAY: This was almost over as I walked in. I didn't even realize it was Brandon Day until he was announced the winner. Why is he in the opener? Why didn't they make him the third member of the Sons Of Ra? He's evil and mystical and weird. That would have ruled. Day needs to get his trunks back.

MIKE VAUGHN VS GRAIL: This was a strap match. Strap matches that aren't the blow-off match to a fued or fought in a state where you can blade is kinda Russo-esque: it's just a gimmick that cheapens a type of match with a tapestry of history that you are required to draw off of. So I didn't like this on principle. These two guys can work so they made it good despite the booking. Since you can't bleed in Virginia, you can't really beat the shit out of each other with straps so it defeats the point. I dunno. These two guys show- and showed in this match- that they can carry a fued if you do it in the center of the ring over the belt. Or just by conveying their mutual hatred- which they do get over pretty effectively. Fuck, the best part was Vaughn's truly old school elbow drop and Grail's suplexes, so it was a waste. Do you go from here to a straight match for the belt? It's all fucked up.

PLAYBOY PETE JANNINGS/ DRAKE TUNGSTEN/ HUGH B. JOHNSON vs PHAROAH/ PRINCE MALIK: The fabulously stiff and fun SHAKA didn't show so they opt for a handicap match with the HEELS a man down? Jiminy, that's.... questionable. Pharoah is fucking awesome. It's funny that Pharoah and Tungsten are in the same match. Pharoah makes everything look stiff as humanly possibly and Tungsten shows more daylight than Montana camping documentary. Malik looked better than he's ever looked, as the stiffness of Pharoah rubbing off on his stablemate has made them a truly fun tagteam. Hugh B Johnson is turning into the biscuits as he isn't afraid to beat the shit out of Malik. They need to whittle it down to Pharoah versus Johnson because Johnson has the size and can also bumps like a freak. Plus it would be stiff as fuck and that's what I actually care about. Pete Jannings takes a beating like a man and hits some perfectly fine midgrade offense. Pharoah beating everyone to death with the belt and then killing folks afterwards was what I expect of my SUN GOD! Sons of Ra are so fucking great.

CHRIS DRAMIN VS MALICIOUS MURPHY: This match was fucking great. Malicious Murphy is going to go places in this biz. Dramin is going places if he can survive another ass-beating like he absorbed in this match. Murphy hit all these beautifully dangerous suplexes and all these HORRENDOUSLY hurty spots off the top rope and Dramin took them like a man. Dramin was great with his enraged in-over-his-head babyface comeback and the crowd got behind him when he would have a flurry of offense before Murphy would just fucking KILL him with a suplex or toprope elbow. This was another stipulations match that didn't need the stipulations. I await the rematch.

JON JON THE PHENOM vs LOGAN KNIGHT vs ROBERT ROYAL vs MAXX DYNAMITE vs DRAEGAN FROST vs ALEX SAGE: Everyone I talked to after the match said that this looked like it was going to go forever, but I actually dug huge sections of this. I loved Jon Jon and Dragean Frost evilness of rigging the system to beat the living dogshit out of Maxx Dynamite. It was smart work because Dynamite had a large batch of the crowd there to see him so the heat was built in and Dyanamite was great with his comebacks and selling the assbeating- though Dynamite really needs to work on his punches. Jon Jon looked great- finally giving in to his natural evilness. He's got some nice spots. And Royal breaking his knee was about as nasty looking as you would expect. He tries a spinebuster but doesn't get his leg out far enough and just drives Logan Knight into his knee. Jon Jon wins with the Canadian Destroyer!

THE OWENS BROTHERS vs PRESTON QUINN/MIKE BOOTH vs FRANK PARKER/ SCOTTY BLAZE: Blaze is so fucking great. He taunts PQ about his "special operation" and then stomps on some peanuts as a visual aid. PQ- ever the man from Gloucester- says, "I only got that operation so I could sleep with your wife while you are at work." Blaze, being from Roanoke, says something quite off-colour in response. I was AGHAST! Anyway, to quote Eddy Guerrerro when told he wrestling was Rey Misterio and Ace Steel- "God, I hate 3 ways." God. I hate 3 ways. They make me wish ECW never existed. I mean, the Owen brothers are a perfectly fine indie tag team. PQ and Booth versus Frank The Tank Parker and Scotty Blaze is FUCKING SOUTHERN AS PUTTING PEANUTS IN YOUR CO-COLA. If Dick fucking Murdock was wrestling Rufus R Freighttrain Jones, some indie promoter would force them to wrestle Ace Darling too. GAAAAH! Anyway. despite the stupid set-up, PQ and Blaze DO BEAT THE EVERLOVING DOGSHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER. The whole first ten to twelve minutes is basically the tag match you wanted to see- as PQ and Booth beat and get beat on by Blaze and Parker. Booth has a super fun Southern heat segment and Blaze and Parker just bring the hurt. The psychology gets weird after that as they tag in Jay Owen and it's Parker and Blaze beating the shit out of him with PQ making a save here and there. Past that point it was just killing time until the non-finish. BAH! I want a normal tag match with a real finish.

KILEY MCLEAN vs LEXIE FYFE: This was the best match I've ever seen either of these two in. There were a lotta cringe-inducing sections but less than I usually experience. There you go.

DAMIEN WAYNE vs PHIL BROWN: By this point, the crowd was completely fried. The match was out of sorts too. Wayne was fucking awesome as usual with his super hard Southern strong style wrestling and Brown held up his end, but it never kicked in to being a truly hate-filled affair that I expect from NWA VA. Then Wayne got busted open hardway and they took it home.

Wrestling was fucking great. These fellas aren't afraid to bring it. Booking was crappy. Too many stips. Too many shitty finishes. No guts, no glory.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.