I stole all results from Nathan Aberkrombie at the NWA VA page since it was GWA-traineetastic and I couldn't possibly keep them all straight. I drove the comical Mapquest route which I discovered was COMPLETELY preposterous when I drove back home. I arrived as the first match started and pestered young Zhixel. Young Zhix was scoping underage pussy and the MILF contingent in a stunning display of lointacular horniness. I opt to buy 56 slabs of pizza and endear myself to the Prince George High School marching band fundraisers.
PRINCE MALIK vs JON JON
THE PHENOMENON:
Prince Malik and Jon Jon the Phenomenon have a match with a thousand
Kanyonesque finishers. It was like 74 finishers. It was an opening match.
Maybe 86 finishers. It was waaaay too many finishers for a regular wrestling
match much less an opening match. Neither of these guys suck but Jesus
does PQ need to sit them down and show them how to throw a worked punch.
SCOTTY BLAZE vs MIKE
THOMAS:
Scotty Blaze comes out with the lovely Erotica. Scotty Blaze weighs
a metric ton and I dread the match- figuring that Blaze is some overweight
trainee. Mike Thomas comes out and doesn't Riverdance so I am put off.
LUCKILY SCOTTY BLAZE FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING RULES. He works all stiff and
bumps like two-ton freak. I ask Rick and Dave about Blaze and they say
he works out in western Virginia and that explains why I haven't beheld
the glory of his fat greatness. Mike Thomas doesn't work overly stiff but
does drop a sweep elbow drop. Scotty Blaze fucking rules. Erotica needs
to smack the opponent of her man more. She was a little timid and should
use her awesome boots for more evil.
MIKE LYNN/ DONAVAN TORREZ/
SEAN CALLAWAY vs PETE JANNINGS/ GRAILLE/ QUICKSTYLE:
MIKE LYNN~! Graille is secret good little worker of the Virginia indies.
Mike Lynn refuses to ever drop an elbow and it irritates me. Playboy Pete
Jannings is perfectly fine but everybody is off or just recently trained
so this pretty much indy wrestling right in the middle of all indy wrestling.
Mad phat props to NWA Va booking for not being pussies- as they had way
over hometown boy Quickstyle take the pin.
CHRIS DRAMIN vs EL TORO
ROJO:
Dramin has put on a batch thickness- looking very Val Veniscito-esque.
Toro Rojo is a spot machine who is pretty nifty. He will be in a wheelchair
by age 23 if he ever tries the AMAZINGLY stupid Shooting Star Diving Headbutt
ever again. Dramin did well to put on weight as I buy his offense now.
Dramin won with something. Oh actually, Rojo won as I check the results.
COACH DAVE EMORY/ JAY OWENS/ TREY OWENS vs NEIL SHARKEY/ MALICIOUS MURPHY/ DRAGAN FROST: This is hair vs hair- Coach Dave's vs Neil Sharkey's. Sharkey is peak efficiency riling up the rubes at ringside and was really great being powdered-assed weasel here. The problem was that his offense was somehow stiffer and more believable than his teammates and that ain't good. Sharkey uses the CHAIN~! to hit coach but coach gets the chain and gets the win. A masked man comes and stops the head shaving. I become annoyed at an unfulfilled stip.
KAMEO vs KILEY MCLEAN:
To UNIFY THE TITLES! Zhix is transfixed on Kameo- as she is now blond
and more tightly clad. Kiley has a good lariat but other parts of her offense-
especially the knees to the stomach were ungood. JEFF CAPO IS POWERMAD!
The lovely ladies of Virginia Indies start beating the hell out of each
other and both skack Capo across the chest to knock him out of the ring!
Capo- drunk on power- STOPS THE MATCH AND HOLD UP THE BELTS! BOOOOOOO!
BAD REF! BAD REF! Lettem fight! THIS AIN'T NO DAMN SUNDAY SCHOOL!
CHRIS MOTHERFUCKING ESCOBAR
vs CHINO MARTINEZ:
Chris Escobar is fucking GREAT. I swear to God it reminded me of watching
Jeff Hardy carry matches in OMEGA with punches selling and the most grotesque
bumps imaginable. I'm glad they put the belt on him. Chino is far more
fun as a heel and I was pissed when he didn't clothesline Escobar after
handing the belt postmatch.
Intermission we run into OdessaSteps and he looks way too much like Mike Naimark. He is a good guy and we force him to sit with us.
MIKE BOOTH/ DAMIEN WAYNE
vs SEAN LEI/ DIRTY MONEY:
This wasn't as awesome as it should have been because they were having
Dirty Money turn on Sean Lei during the match. Damien Wayne is fucking
awesome in execution and he also TERRIFIES the children at ringside. It
was AWESOME. Dirty Money beats the hell out of Sean Lei after turning on
him to set up OSE's Modified Doomsday Device. I was kinda baffled because
Sean Lei was upstaging Dirty Money and you could see Dirty Money's point
of view- so it wasn't a clean heel turn, which is kinda cool but I don't
think it was the intention.
PHIL BROWN vs BRANDON
DAY:
Phil Brown looked fucking great- as his execution was pretty swanky.
Brandon Day is second only to Escobar in old school Southern bumping to
get a match over with the rubes- and we rubes were drawn in. The psychology
was pretty cool- Brown the old vet has beat the living flying hell out
of the young upstart and the crowd rallies to Day's comebacks. Day completely
lands on his shoulder wrong hitting a Shooting Star Press all funny. Day's
Gothic gimmick made me feel old as I make jokes about Dead Can Dance and
the Sisters Of Mercy and Zhixel looks at me like I was mentioning It's
A Beautiful Day and Country Joe and the Fish.
PRESTON QUINN vs THE
BARBARIAN:
Barbarian was feeling the weight of the relevancy of the match as he
sold like I've never seen him sell. I think the quote was "when did Barbarian
become Ricky Steamboat?" PQ was fucking awesome making Barbarian's 80s
power offense look like NOAH Heavyweight 2004-level deadly. The final powerbomb
was fucking GNARLEY as PQ took it like Benoit took the Bret Hart German
on their Nitro match. We were all in shock because we were figuring they
were going to blow off the stip as easily as the blew off the hair vs hair
stip. En lieu, the locker room comes out and reality sets in and I became
depressed. Luckily, it's not an injury thing so I can only hope this becomes
a Terry Funk type of retirement because wrestling needs Preston Quinns
more than ever.
DISCO INFERNO vs CHRIS
HARRIS:
God, they were perfectly fine and had perfectly perfunctory match but
it was so the anti-climax to the PQ match.
Glad I went. PQ and Escobar ruled. Brown vs Day was good. Everything else was a fine if a bit listless. Scotty Blaze I wanna see more of.