RD: Pete and I meet up in the city and head over to the Bayonne after work. Pete informs me that the SAT have apparently pulled a no show for the show and we try to figure out who the people will be the subs in the match. We get to the show about a half hour early and wait for Tom and Phil to show up. I kill time by reading some puro mags for half hour.

TKG: I was psyched about this show. Psyched to see Homicide vs. Dixie. Psyched to see SATs vs. Hit Squad in an arena where the J Team didn’t work. Psyched to see Red vs. Low Ki. Psyched to see Ghost Shadow vs. Quiet Storm. Since the last time Phil and I had been to a JAPW show, I had began to become something of a Ghost Shadow fan while Phil had begun to get on the Elax bandwagon. I wasn’t too excited by the ID vs. Deranged match, as I’ve watched enough lucha to believe that you need a rudo catcher, but I had seen a lot of good ID on tape recently (v. Homicide and teamed with Homicide v. DHS). Took off from work for the show. At last minute someone from work calls me up and asks if I can fill in as a Santa Claus. Phil jokes that I would make a lousy Santa. Dean jokes that a couple hours working as Santa at a community center near a predominantly Dominican Catholic Girls’ school will lead me to several years of prison….”But officer she had been naughty”. I turn down this opportunity because I have the rassling to go to.

PP: For those of you that care, Ray had the same meal as last time while I opted for bourbon chicken from the Cajun Café. En route we have our first encounter with NJ Transit’s fare cops, who ride the trains to make sure that everyone on board has a validated ticket. The one on our train seemed like a good egg, and had a good laugh when I stage-whispered to Ray “I told you they don’t always go by the honor system!” Yes, I’m a bastard… this story has no legs. At the Charity Hall I take note that RF has parked his van in front of the Hall, facing the opposite direction of every other car on the street. How arrogant can a guy get when he feels that he’s above traffic laws? It’s not like I saw diplomatic plates on his ride… anyway, Tom and Phil show up about 10 minutes before bell-time and are as smitten with the Hall as I thought they would. One of the fans has brought her pet poodle to the show, but sadly Fluffy doesn’t get used as a weapon during the night. “KABUKI USED THE DOG! KABUKI USED THE DOG!”

TKG: During the drive to show we call Rippa, to find out latest and discover that Red, SATS, Devine and Kristi Myst will all be no showing. I start listing off best and worse case scenarios of who they might replace SATS with.

PAS: It went wrong early as they scratch a big bunch of guys we wanted to see early. Some of the fantasy booking scenarios we went over in the car would make your pubes go white. I smell the greasy smelly fingers of Zandig all over the SAT and Chris Devine no showing. Kristi Myst was evidentially called away for a “family emergency” evidentially her favorite uncle (the one who taught her anal) had a heart attack.

THE SHOW:
RD: Fat Frank comes out to make the announcement that the SATs have no showed and buries them a bit on the mic. Offers refunds. During his speech, the guy doing the sheik gimmick (Sheik Adnan El Caesar according to their site) leading to...

TKG: Fat Frank seems to use the exact same speech that Zandig used, except with less cursing. Phil and I are memorized by the arena. This may be the coolest arena ever. The walls are covered with wood paneling that belongs on the side of a car, the ceiling is as low as the one in your average family living room, the toilet tank in the men’s room is bolted down to keep you from taking an upper decker, there is no need for an intermission for a smoke break since people are smoking in the building during the show….the arena oozes charm.

MATCH 1: LOU DIAMOND vs. SHEIK ADNAN EL CAESAR (w/ Fat guy in a Blue Demon mask and sheik outfit)
RD: Lou Diamond is Fat Frank's wrestling persona. This is a street fight or a fans bring the weapons match, it didn't seem like their were a lot of weapons so maybe they reworked it to avoid problems with the athletic commission. this goes into the crowd, I have save my bag. The sheik gets busted open hardware from the head at some point. I recall why the extreme wrestling bill is a good thing. Anyway, Caesar gets Frank on a chair and his manager holds a plastic or glass tray in front of Frank's face, as Sheik goes to hit him with a chair, his manager turns on him and hits him with the tray, unmasking to be Glenn Strange (the booker and former wrestler in the promotion). Frank hits the stunner and gets the win. I guess the sheik didn't notice the "JAP" logo that appeared on the t-shirt under the white sheik outfit. Somehow Frank either hurt his hand or shoulder I think during the finish of the match.

PP: I love the SAT, but they did themselves no favors with the manner in which they no-showed here. The burial was well deserved. The Sheik comes out and we’re off, as Frank does the smart thing of getting the non-match out of the way. After getting abused throughout, the Sheik finally takes over on offense by throwing “mysterious powder” in Frank’s eyes… I think Helen Keller could’ve seen that spot coming. Frank no-sells anthrax (!) and gets the win after Sheik’s second turns on him and unmasks, apparently cutting his hand in the process. I question Sheik’s thought process that he had no problem with a masked guy in a sheik costume suddenly materializing and offering to manage him.

TKG: I have no problem with Frank no-selling the anthrax powder. It appeared to be cutaneous anthrax so he shouldn’t start selling for at least a couple of days. I did have other problems with this “match”: When did Blue Demon turn on America? I mean, Why Blue Why? The Sheik, who appears to be a Mexican American, comes out to Hindi entrance music when he’s supposed to be Moslem….. And he’s doing a Taliban gimmick. Why is he even allowing them to play any music, let alone Hindi music? None of these questions are properly answered….At the end of show Phil claims this is the worst match he’s ever seen. I didn’t even realize it was a match.

PAS: I have been to many live wrestling shows, I have seen much bad live wrestling. I once went to a show where the best match was Axl Rotten v. Knuckles Zanwhich, I saw King Kong Bundy work Big Slam Vader, I saw Mongo v. Jeff Jarrett two nights in a row, I saw Sideswipe call A.J. Fritzoid a house nigger and hit him with a watermelon, I saw Ahmed Johnson and Isacc Yankem work a 7 minute armbar, I have seen the banks of the Pro Wrestling river Styx, but this was the worst match I have ever seen live. Fat Frank and Sheik Rodriguez have no discernable wrestling talent, the entire match was based on getting cheap heat from the deaths of 7000 Americans, Fat Frank called Sheik Sanchez a Camel Jockey or some such racist nonsense, both guys legit hurt themselves, Frank no-sells Anthrax, Sheik gets bealed into me and I almost have to take a bump for this turd of a match. Just worthless shit, unwatchable offensive trash.

MATCH 2: THE CHRISTOPHER STREET CONNECTION (Mace Mendoza & Buff E) w/ Fun
Athletic Guy & Chris Cabana vs. THE REDNECKS FROM HELL

RD: I'm not sure of what the Rednecks names names were, I think it was something and something Lariat. Pre match, the CSC put down the Whipwreck students. They also said, they didn't know who the Rednecks were, but they were "the Fags from the village". The Rednecks attack during the pre-match conference session by the CSC. Mace and one of the Rednecks had some good exchanges of elbows in this. Buff E's offense seems like it should be sponsored by Idaho because his shots seem like mostly potato shots. They do the kiss spot they did from Queens, but the CSC get out of the way of the Rednecks charging them and one of the Rednecks ends up clotheslining the other, leading to the finish which was a side slam by Buff E and a Top Rope leg drop by Mace.

PP: The CSC was not afraid to just beat the heterosexuality out of the Rednecks here. I love how they do a flaming gay gimmick in Noo Joisey and they’re gigantically over as BABYFACES, although this may have been more due to the fact that they were the “home team” against the heretofore-unknown Rednecks.

TKG: Mace Mendoza is a fine worker and I think the other guys underrate the performance of the Rednecks From Hell. Buff Es clotheslines need to be seen to be appreciated. I dug this a ton. Despite the sausage fest mic work, this was a potato fest.

PAS: I am very amused that Buff E was one of those guys that Lo-Ki was supposed to have worked too stiff with, considering all he does is potato shot people, no bumps, no moves. Just wanders around, swishes and stiffs people. I can’t see him complaining about anyone. It is too bad that Feinstien is such a skid mark, as his gimmick is pretty great, he was wearing these amazing Red Leather zipper shorts, and I am a long time supporter of legitimate lifestyle choice gay gimmicks. He even had Chris Cabana as his personal Pony, if Cabana is desperate enough to get into the business to take Feinstien pony duty he is a comer, you can’t teach that kind of dedication. The Redneck named Lariat did not have a good lariat.

MATCH 3: JT JOBBER vs. TRINITY H CAMPBELL
RD: Prematch, JT came out and complained about losing and not deserving to be beat up by some of the huge guys they sent out to fight him, so then a fat chick comes out with a goth look (Listed as Trinity H Campbell on their website). This match is mostly Trinity on offense and JT doing a ton of bumping until he pulls out some knucks and decks Trinity and gets the pin.

PP: This was deeply ungood. I understand where JT’s doing the old Mikey gimmick, but Mikey at his dirt-worst was never forced to bump for someone like Trinity.

TKG: JT, who is super over as baby face in all the tape I’ve seen, does decent heel mic work to set this up. Trinity looks like she might be Elax’ mother. Someone must have been exploited to allow her to wrestle. Wasn’t that impressed with the knucks shot. I think it’s during this match that I notice the stunning young girl with the pigtails. She looks to be a taut 16/17. I don’t know the new terms for modern teen subcultures but I bet back in 89 she would have been slightly outside of being a mod. She stands for the entire show working a lollipop (well two or three but only one at a time). She manages to work away at this lollipop without ever spinning the stick around. Occasionally she will pull the lollipop out of her mouth. A tiny sliver of saliva mixed with the lollipop food covering connects her to her loli. She admires her work having licked it perfectly evenly, the lollipop never becomes lopsided, she never bites…merely licks and licks. She doesn’t even tease the lollipop bulb with her teeth, it’s all tongue work. She than pulls the lollipop back up to her lips, and explores its roundness with the end of her tongue. She then pushes it past her lips and begins to vigorously work it some more. It’s an impressive performance that she keeps up for the entire evening.

PAS: I don’t get turning J.T. heel. Trinity looks like Lita after gaining a lot of post-rehab weight.

MATCH 4: JT JOBBER vs. RIC BLADE
RD: JT makes two mistakes, one is he throws away his knucks and then he makes a challenge to anyone in the back because he wants to start his win streak. Ric Blade comes out and they have a match. This wasn't that good, but this is either the first or one of the first matches Blade's probably had since his injury and there were a few times during the match where he seemed to be favoring his one leg. Blade won the match with a face first slam out of an atomic drop/back suplex set up onto a chair and then hit a slingshot sommersault headbutt or splash for the win.

PP: This was the first time I’d seen Blade live or on tape... he looks like he rode the short yellow school bus to the Hall. I’ll withhold judgment of his wrestling skills until he gets some more matches under his belt, as this was pretty much his first match in almost 6 months.

TKG: This was all the Ric Blade horrendous flippity floppity offense without any of the Ric Blade horrendous bumps. Very ungood. Meanwhile I’m still struck “Wow that’s just all tongue work.”

PAS: Merciful crap does Ric Blade stink, good golly, man alive, back to CZW my friend take thee back to CZW.

MATCH 5: SKINHEAD IVAN (w/ Sheik Adnan El Caesar) vs. AXL ROTTEN
RD: This goes into the crowd, Axl becomes my favorite wrestler by throwing Ivan into RF's table and knocking over a couple of trays of tapes. Axl Rotten then becomes my least favorite wrestler 3 minutes later when they brawl back over to our side of the building and I almost have to bump for Ivan who has a garbage can over his head. I think Ivan teased the zeig heil leg sweep, but I think it got countered. Axl gets the win with a chairshot to Ivan's head. Post match, the Sheik gets in the ring and gets a chairshot to the head to.

PP: The Sheik comes out with his head bandaged up like Andy Kaufman doing the post-fireball gimmick from Memphis. Ivan spouts off on the mic and Phil starts yelling baruchas as Ivan talks about some black guy who was apparently released from prison. The term “porch monkey” is used liberally here. I hit the facilities at the start, only to come out and see the aftermath of Axl tossing Ivan into RF’s wares; the non-working Xavier helps RF’s minions pick the tapes up and I wonder when the heck he’s actually going to work JAP shows again. Later on Axl deposits Ivan right next to my bag, and my life flashes before my eyes as my Rio Volt is inside. Well, that and Phil’s new EMLL tape- he’d kill me if that got broken. Thankfully Ivan sees me going for the bag and holds up just long enough for me to bail out with the goods. Say what you will about the gimmick, but Ivan’s a pro... he also has a really cute Jewish girlfriend for a Nazi. ;) Axl wins and gives the Sheik a sick chairshot afterwards for good measure.

TKG: Ooh this was shitty. It’s a worked skinhead vs. a real racist anti-Semite. Who am I supposed to cheer? The crowd is made up of old GWF fans and so they cheer Axl. The legit racist anti-Semite hurls Skinhead Ivan into the crowd for some brawling and then loudly announces “NOW ITS SHOOT TIME!”. I proceed to puke on myself. At one point they brawl over right next to us and I have to reach underneath Axl to save my bag with the NJ tape. Never in my life did I think I’d be sliding my hand under Axl. Pete also reaches around him to save the lucha tape. If Axl had broken the lucha tape with the recent Nicho, I think I would have had to unzip my pants and pierce his skull with my CIRCUMCISED-COCK-OF-JUDEA~!…..Oddly, I had suggested the Bad Breed as one of the best case scenarios for possible tag team to work against the Hit Squad.

TKG: I can’t really cheer Axl knocking over RF’s tapes. I know he’ll sell them anyways. All it means is more VCR’s destroyed by his busted up tapes.

PAS: Skinhead Ivan comes over later in the show and kisses his visibly Semitic girlfriend (she had the full on Long Island Sorority girl nose job), Bill Watts would be displeased.

MATCH 6: RAIN CHILD vs. JAY LETHAL
RD: Lethal and Rain Child are both trainees from the JAP school and I was told this was their first match in front of a crowd. Both guys looked good in this, they did some elaborate armdrag spots. They did a mix of spots and styles of offense. Lethal ended up banging his leg bad on the railing when he did a tope atomico onto Rain child who was on the apron and his leg smacked the rail as he flipped over. He worked through it. Lethal ended up getting the win with the leg lock that Bull Nakano used to use, the scorpion variation where you hook the victim's arms. Both guys looked good in this, there was some spots where they seemed a little hesitant, but hey, it's their first match and they looked really good for it. Post match, Da Hit Squad hit the ring and beat up the rookies. Jay takes the burning hammer and Rain Child gets thrown into the wall. The Hit Squad put down the SAT's for no showing. Monsta Mack gets off a good line as the fans do the Steve Austin "What?" thing after they say stuff so he says "You guys should stop watching so much tv, that shit rots your brain". Glenn Strange comes out and yells at the Hit Squad for beating up the rookies and promises they'll face a team that has beaten them in the past. He also says that they'll be handcuffed to the post so they can't run in on the Insane Dragon/Deranged title match like they had the past 3 or 4 times. The Hit Squad get all "Shooty" by telling the story of when Glenn didn't wrestle anymore. Something about his wife being a fat rat who died in a car crash and he couldn't do it anymore. Glenn tackles one and they fight a bit before some people make a save. Later in the night, I forget when in the card, Fat Frank praises the kids on their match and offers them a shot to get revenge on the Hit Squad and gives them an title shot at the next Bayonne show which they accept.

PP: This was the feel-good match of the night. Rain Child comes out with this huge wet spot on the back of the pants… apparently he wasn’t used to the prospects of working in front of 300 people. We were trying to compare this match with the Damien Drake-Tanner Martin rookie match we saw last year at the OMEGA show. My thought is that the OMEGA match was laid out better and less spotty, but the JAP match had more time to develop and they showed off some really great matwork for their experience level, including the finisher, although they both got really gassed at the end. The postmatch angle was pretty dark although Monsta had a great line here, yelling “It’s a good story!” before Mafia tells it.

TKG: This is a bit choppy as there are real clear sections to the match. First the mat section, than the rope running section, than the strikes section than the dive section, etc. The opening mat section is the best part as the two work in and out of a hammerlock for a while. This is done really well and looks neat. The rope running section is the most tentative section. Jay Lethal hits a great superkick. Ref Hanson continues to impress me a ton as he helps control the flow of the match, gets the audience into the story of the match, and checks the wrestlers after they get hit stiffly yet Hanson never overshadows the action in the ring. Hanson has officially replaced Scarlet as my favorite ref on the indies. After the match Frank comes out and points out that the rookie match has thus far “stolen the show”. That doesn’t really say much for the five matches preceding it. But it was fun and the hammerlock section was pretty great.

PAS: Very impressive for a rookies match, although they probably did too much. The JAPW training school is only ten dollars a session, but if you graduate you have to get beaten hideously by the Hit Squad, so it is a tradeoff. I fear they are setting up a Hit Squad v. Fat Frank + Glen Strange match, that is not something I want to see at all. No siree.

MATCH 7: KID KRUEL vs. EXPLOITED CHILD ELAX
RD: This was perfectly fine wrestling, but it was sort of a styles clash. Elax's strength seems to be his willingness to bump like a pinball and Kid Kruel's specialty is submission holds and mat work. But this was still fun. Kruel works the submissions and got a few nice holds including 3 setups for the cross arm breaker. Elax got in some flying stuff including a moonsault, but Kruel got in him the middle of the ring finally and put him away with the jujigatame.

PP: This was OK, but not quite as good as Kruel-Ghost Shadow from last month. Phil pops like a howler monkey for Elax’ WRESTLING SCHOOL SENTON~! The finish has Elax grabbing Kruel’s arm and running around the ring a few times while we sit there and try to figure out WTF he’s going to do until Kruel puts the kibosh on the spot and slaps on the juji for the tapout. I believe this is the point where they set up DHS against Lethal/Rain Child for the tag titles at the next Bayonne show, with Frank offering them the shot while at the same time saying they probably shouldn’t take it.

PAS: I went down to APW for the King of the Indies and participated in their training class, the first bump they teach you is a headstand somersault, Elax showing intuition turned that into an offensive move. Thus the markdom, this aint good though.

TKG: This was fine but nothing stood out. Like Ray said it’s a style clash. Elax is good at taking bumps on his head and Kruel is good at the pseudo shooty matwork. Unfortunately, there is no way to take an arm bar right on your head. Kruel does hit a nasty suplex that we dub the “EXPLOITAR”.

MATCH 8: LOW KI v. GHOST SHADOW
RD: This was a new match to sub for Low Ki v. Red and Ghost Shadow v. Quiet Storm. This match was pretty fun as Ghost Shadow busted out a lot of his tricked out lucha offense in this. They did a whole segment built around a knucklelock and various holds built out of it. They teased Ghost Shadow hitting his Muscle Buster, including Shadow countering the Ki Krusher with an attempt, but Ki flipped out of at it at least twice. This was fun, but towards the end, it seemed like Ghost Shadow was running out of gas, but he still kept at it. Eventually, Ki counters the Muscle Buster and turns it into the Dragon Clutch for the win.

PP: GS was a perfectly acceptable substitute for Red as while he isn’t nearly as good a flyer, he’s a better technician and was able to hang on the mat with Ki here. Ki worked stiffer than he did against Eddy, but still he was working fairly light and was doing borderline lucha matwork with GS. Ki also did the good thing of countering out of GS’ Muscle Buster as opposed to taking it and then killing it by kicking out. This was fun fun fun and I had no problem with Plan B here.

PAS: Good match, but not in the higher eschelon of Lo-Ki work. Ghost Shadow gets visibly gassed at the end, and the match falls apart a bit, very nice initial mat work though. Ghost Shadow is good, but this kind of became Ki by the numbers near the end. I like how Ki has evolved his three kick spot into something which is frequently countered, as Ghost Shadow ducked the third kick, which Ki switched legs and wasted him in the head, real cool spot.

TKG: The two do a bunch of exchanges that showcase Shadow’s lucha matwork. The knuckle lock isn’t nearly as awe inspiring as the Ki/Joel collar and elbow…but I guess I’ve been spoiled. At one point they do a sequence that is meant to reflect Ki/Red II. Shadow just isn’t fast enough to make it and that seems to play into the story of the match. Earlier in Ki’s career he seemed to build his matches around him taking his opponents finisher (that way getting over that finisher), then his opponent would do the old heel picks up face after two count bit. It used to annoy me. Here and against Joel at ECWA, Ki has developed ways of selling the danger of his opponent hitting the finisher (mostly desperate attempt at escaping) without having to take it. This is a nice development. Ghost Shadow may have only 16 or so matches under his belt, and he was clearly tightening his chest muscles to prepare for Ki’s kicks, which kind of hurts the move (if you have time to pre for move you should have time to avoid it). It may just be that Shadow needs a looser shirt. His shirt is tight enough that you can tell whether he’s inhaling or exhaling.

MATCH 9: HOMICIDE (w/ Johnny D) vs. DIXIE (w/ Johnny D & Valentina) for the JAPW World Title:
RD: Yeah, you read that right. Johnny D came out with Dixie, then went to the back and then came out with Homicide, which is odd, since he seemed to be solidly behind the Hit Squad the previous month. Dixie came out wearing an outifit exactly like Homicide's usual ring gear and said he was upset about what happened last month, (he took a top rope Ki Krusher from Low Ki and a Cop Killer from Homicide after the tag match), so he demanded this be a no DQ match. Homicide was down right evil in this and continues to cement his scariest motherfucker in wrestling spot in this match, especially after Valentina pushed the ropes to Dixie at one point and then Homicide just laid in forearm cross faces to Dixie while looking right at her. Homicide also busted out his ode to Kojima (including yelling "KOJIMA!") with a corner elbow followed by a super diamond cutter. The finish came when Valentina ran in to save Dixie from a Cop Killer, only to eat one herself, when Dixie recovered, Homicide hooked him and nailed the move too, he then piled them up in a 69 and did a one foot pin.

PP: We knew Dixie was gonna die when he came out wearing Homicide-style fatigues, and Homicide did not disappoint in dealing Dixie his fate. At one point Homicide props Dixie up on a chair on the floor, scoots back inside and hits a tope on Dixie while Johnny holds him up. I really like Homicide’s tope because he always hits it clean and he’s never had any problems (that I can remember) catching a limb on the ropes like I’ve seen from other indy workers. The twin Cop Killers at the end were absolutely medieval.

PAS: I really liked this match a lot, a real star making performance by Dixie who was just ON, for this whole match. I don’t usually like matches which build to a babyface hitting his finisher on a woman, but this was really well paced and built towards the spot well. Valentina has good placement for a valet, knowing when to interfere, selling interest well and taking a huge bump. I find her rather alluring as well, I figure if she can take a cop killer, she can take any punishment I can deliver. Homicide is tremendously charismatic and one hell of a worker, he should be a star somewhere.

TKG: Dixie does a real good job in this. He’s able to hang well with Homicide. His flurries of offense make sense within context of match and his selling is really good. Dixie is actually the only person on the card who sells the anthrax powder from the first match. He stares at it tentatively and is really cautious walking near it. I think my favorite part of the match is right before the cross faces that Ray mentions. Homicide holds Dixie in the greatest headlock I’ve ever seen. This is one of the top five live matches I’ve seen this year. What Schneider says about Valentina having good placement is very true. I’ve seen a lot of bad indy valets who take away from match quality. Both Valentina and The Johnny D seem to know that the important thing is keeping the audiences attention on the action in the ring. This was a beautiful sonnet of violence.

MATCH 10: THE HIT SQUAD (Monsta Mack & Mafia) w/ Johnny D v. THE BOOGIE KNIGHTS (Danny Drake & Mike Tobin) for the JAPW Tag Titles:
RD: The Boogie Knights were the mystery team who held the win over the Hit Squad were the surprise. They didn't get to show much in this as pretty early in the match as the Hit Squad pulled out a ladder and hit both guys with it and Danny Drake had a huge cut under his mouth, to the point he was down for almost the rest of the match with crew and doctor's checking on him and trying to cover up the cut. This was pretty much Tobin fighting off the two on one. THe Hit Squad hit their figure four/frog splash combo on Tobin, as the fans chant RVD, Monsta Mack then sort of hits a standing moonsault on Tobin. At one point they knocked out of the florecent tubes out of the ceiling following a double press or a back drop on Tobin, fortunately, the bulb didn't break in when it fell. Drake eventually got to his feet and took the finish which was him taking a spear by one of the Hit Squad. Post match, they book the Boogie Knights v. the Hit Squad in a TLC match for the Woodbridge show.

PP: Tobin comes out with the “Newsies” hat. =) The fans weren’t buying that the BKs could’ve possibly beaten DHS in a match; heck, I don’t think I would’ve believed it either if I hadn’t seen it happen at the Sportsfest show in August. Monsta helpfully illustrates why ladders in wrestling are bad as he… breaks Drake with a senton while Drake is under the ladder. From that point on it’s a DHS squash as Tobin gets murderlated by DHS while Ref Hanson, Fat Frank and some others from the back check Drake out. Monsta does the “RVD” thumbs and then hits the standing moonsault, which is pretty fucking amazing for a guy as chubbed out as he is. Drake’s a mess but revives just long enough to take the finish for the pin. They set up a TLC match for Woodbridge, but after the first match I can’t see anyone wanting to see them hook up a second time. It’s a shame too, as the BKs have had some fun matches with DHS.

PAS: This wasn’t very good, as Drake getting hurt lowered it to the point where it wasn’t even a fun DHS squash, they need to go back to the wrestling, as they have too much legit injury with the plunder crap.

TKG: The Boogie Knights are from the Bronx, while The Hit Squad represent Brooklyn. Pre match the Hit Squad do pro- Bedford Stuyvesant mic work. It brings back all kinds of memories and personal associations. You have always had good feelings about Bed Stuy.

The first girl you ever really cared about was from Bed Stuy. You wish you could say “first you ever loved”. But love is far too strong of a word for a guy like you. Nonetheless this was different from everything else. It was an outdoor retreat, she went to the Brooklyn Ethical Society and attended Stuyvesant where she was friends with the Decepticon with that weird fro. You met and just instantly connected on some level, when the two of you touched it felt so right. I know it sounds sappy but it was almost like poetry. This wasn’t dirty like a night of drunkenness , the way it normally is. It was pure like the feeling you got from those shrooms your roommate grew in that incubator thing in your closet. She was lighter skinned then most women you date and had and she had an oddly Irish sounding last name. She had kinky hair that felt like it belonged in your hand, a beautiful wide inquisitive forehead and round eyes that seemed full of life and intimately connected to your own eyes. She laid her head on your belly as you read goofy childrens books. Her head bounced with your belly as you both laughed at your inability to read Dr Seuss words. It was pure and it was good. If a third rate Toni Morrison devotee wrote the story, she would have called it love, and your name would have been Ezekiel while the girls name would have been Lady Bug.

Bed Stuy has other important associations in your mind/. Your other memory of Bed Stuy came some 12 or so years later. You were having the longest dry spell of your life. In two more days it would have been a year. A full year dry, not even any tongue to tongue contact during that time. DRY completely and totally DRY. You ended up at some kind of funky party in Brooklyn. They were paying a lot of hip-hop and had kegs of that amazing stuff called Pabst. You met this young woman from the Cameroon. She was dark and curvaceous, and bosomy. She was all curves everywhere. She probably weighed about 240 on her best day. The two of you started dancing together and people watched as soon it was obvious to everyone around you. Somehow or other she was able to move her round ass cheeks while dancing in such a way as to manipulate and play with your cock and balls. They enjoyed this seemed to tell you “Its been a year. A YEAR DRY”. You danced for several hours as she performed this act of magic. This was real MAGIC not JAPW Magic, in fact she may have been slightly larger than JAPW Magic. That night she was stunning. The two of you left the party in a taxicab and went back to her place in Bed Stuy. The cabbie watched jealously as you felt each other up and down. You got out of the cab in a part of Bed Stuy that looked like it had been shelled.

She asked if you wanted to go to a strip club, and you couldn’t believe the night could get any better. The strip club was in walking distance. You probably were the only white person who had ever been in the establishment (other than the cops to collect their graft). The bar was near empty except for some old men: ex-playaz who had seen better days. Laying naked on a towel was the most curvaceous woman you had ever seen. She couldn’t have weighed less than 270. She just lay their and shook and everything shook and shook. Your friend from the Cameroon introduced her to you and she invited you to slap her ass. Suddenly you shook as you were more and more aware of how long it had been. You manage to score some weed from one of the ex-playaz and it slightly calms you down. But nonetheless it had been a year, there is no calming that. You drink some more and kiss and feel and tug at each other some more and finally make it back to the apartment of your host from the Cameroon. This looks to be the shittiest neighborhood in Bed Stuy as the strip club seemed less shelled and more classy than her apartment. When she gets to her door she realizes that she doesn’t have her key. It’s about 3 AM. It’s been a year. A year with nothing.

She easily convinces you to climb up the fire escape to get in her window to open her door. This isn’t easy as it involves scaling the wall and there still is the Pabst and the Weed and the Horniness hurting your wall climbing ability. Her window is one of the many windows covered up with cardboard and hard to identify. After about twenty minutes of work you pull this off and let her in. The electricity is out because her and her older brother who she seems deathly afraid of have some sort of argument with the super. It’s been a year you don’t care about renter/ tenant relationships. There’s broken glass all over the floor from where the windows were broken and she proposes using her brother’s bed. A year dry, you don’t care if it feels like poetry, like a haiku, or like a dirty old man’s shitty non-rhyming limerick. She starts to go down on you and her mouth does an even better job manipulating your cock and balls than even her ass had done earlier. She suckles on your testicles and makes your shaft feel all powerful. After a while you point out to her that its been a year and if you don’t get out of her mouth you won’t be able to do much more. She asks if you have a condom. It’s been a year, a year dry. So she goes around in dark looking for her brothers condoms. You squeeze the tip and roll it on. You slide in and just like that your done. Don’t even get a single stroke off, just put it in and go from a full tank to empty. You see her eyes looking up at you and she whispers quietly, “Let me use your cell so I can call you a cab”.

The Hit Squad vs. Boogie Knights and the match following it were far more like the second Bed Stuy memory than the first. There was nothing good and beautiful and right about these matches. Instead there was a big mess of extraneous background stuff, while the actual work itself was messy and disappointing, nothing that any of the participants could actually walk away happy with.

MATCH 11: DERANGED vs. INSANE DRAGON for the JAPW Light Heavyweight Title
RD: Pre-match, all the guys the Hit Squad have run in on the past all ran out and helped beat them down to the point they could be cuffed to the post. The Hit Squad pretty much ham it up on the outside while they're stuck there, trying a few times to figure out how to get out of the cuffs and also playing off the abuse a bunch of the fans are yelling at them in the corner. The match is sort of like the previous month's match where both guys start busting out the garbage spots that sort of take to long to set up from time to time or are just dangerous. Like Deranged trying to set up his standing moonsault on a ladder bridged across the apron the railing. He was losing his balance at least on two attempts and on the one he hit he landed all funny. Eventually, Dixie runs in and hits his finisher on both guys, before Homicide runs in and takes Dixie out of the picture. The Hit Squad get freed by Johnny D, and they beat up both guys before the locker room clears to make the save, leaving both guys in the ring. Eventually, Insane Dragon puts down Deranged, puts the ladder on him and hits his springboard 450 for the win.

PP: This was more of the same from last month, i.e. the match was fine when they stuck to wrestling and pretty much fell apart when they resorted to the plunder spots. The standing moonsault on the ladder looked particularly gruesome, as I couldn’t figure out how Deranged didn’t snap his neck on the bump he took. DHS were fun on the outside as one of the guys who cuffed them came back and put funny hats and plastic leis on their heads. At one point Deranged moseys past and Mafia lunges for him, which leads to Monsta taking the big Stooges bump into the ringpost. I would’ve loved to see them unhook the buckles, loop their arms over the post and then go nuts on Deranged and Dragon, but Johnny D saves them instead by heading in from the crowd with the keys. I guess they could throw him out of the building but they didn’t say he couldn’t come back- DAMNED UNENFORCABLE VERBAL CONTRACTS! DHS get uncuffed and wreak havoc until the troops come out from the back and tie them up long enough for Dragon to win match and title with the springboard 450. Postmatch everyone celebrates and Deranged and Dragon embrace, which I guess is why Frank made this the main event. Bringing closure to the angle and all.

PAS: This match was a mess, I really have liked work that Deranged and Insane Dragon have done opposite other opponents, but this was just an ugly clusterfuck. The wrestling sections were fine and the crowd was into them, but as soon as they did the elaborate convoluted garbage stuff, the crowd died and I started looking a Skinhead Ivan’s girlfriends breasts. Hit Squad were pretty funny on the outside, they are great comedic wrestlers, along with being violent and scary.

TKG: As we try to line up to leave the show, the pig tailed lollipop girl stands in front of me tilts her head back elongating her neck and swallows a gi-normous wad of gum. I had to sit down for a couple of seconds to regain my breath before I was able to leave. I find the other three Playboyz outside waiting for me.

RD: Post matches, Phil and Tom give me a ride to my house. We stop at the Broadway Diner and half a post match meal, which consisted of the "World's Greatest Pancakes." On the way out of the resturant, we saw Monsta Mack and Insane Dragon eat together. Yes, even bitter rivalries fall before the might of the World's Greatest Pancakes. I succeed in nearly getting us lost about 8 times on the way home before sending Phil and Tom off on their way. In a previous show I had made a prediction that I would jinx this show by saying some good things about it and while it was still a pretty solid show, I am kind of bummed the SATs and Red no showed on this.

PP: Mmm, pancakes… Ray is a mite too hard on himself as the no-shows only really affected one match (the DHS match). I was already ticketed for the return trip on the light rail, so I declined the offer for a ride to Secaucus... and YE GODS should I have reconsidered. The light rail trip itself was fine, but the PATH tube portion of the trip was marred by a 45-minute period where no working train went through but roughly 18 work trains did. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to salute or not. After getting to NYC, I then had to wait on the 34th Street express platform for another 45 minutes before someone thought to make the announcement that trains were only running on the local tracks. I finally stagger into the apartment just before 2 a.m. and immediately get speared by the dog for my troubles.

PAS: The Broadway Diner was fine food, but I was disheartened to see Mace Mendoza eating with his girlfriend and Monsta Mack having pancakes with Insane Dragon. Bill Watts is rolling over in his grave. I am concerned that JAPW is floating back to their 1999-2000 form, which would be a shame, this show was pretty disheartening and I hope they can get their shit back together.

TKG: I share Phil’s concern. Its clear from leaving the show that Fat (motto: Blood is better) Frank really wishes he could be running a more garbagey fed. Over at the JAPW website Frank talks about how he’s reread the NJ law and with the closer reading has discovered that there are lots of things he can do that he thought he couldn’t. That combined with Axl, Ric Blade, the Hass brothers and his mention of wanting Nash leave you worried that the window of great wrestling in Jersey may be slowly closing. I mean I love garbage wrestling more than the average guy, but nonetheless JAPW seems so great at providing Dixie v. Homicide type matches that I would hate them turn away from that. The pop that the Dixie vs. Homicide match and the hammerlock section of the rookie match got, keep my hopes up. People pop for the wrestling. I pop for the wrestling. This comes across overly pessimistic, which is ridiculous. In the end there’s no real way to be sad when you leave a show where you got to watch a match like Dixie v. Homicide and got to watch a Jersey girl swallow.