[GLOBAL WRESTLING ALLIANCE]- PRESTON QUINN IS YOUR OLD SCHOOL MOTHERFUCKING GOD. ROB HOFFMAN- AMERICAN BAD ASS. Buff, stuff, we couldn't get enuff -n- other stuff

mulDOOMSTONE and I both got a yardpass from the wives and made our way to the Powhatan Community Center to watch the Professional Wrestling, mostly because Preston Quinn was going to wrestle and he fucking rules. Also, this here promotion is run by my old friend Kelly and her boyfriend, so I wanted to see her wrestle since I hadn't seen her yet. Fat Ass Dave was going to be there so it was a must-see event. The place had about 275 people there which is fucking amazing even with Buff Bagwell being there. I grab a hot dog and a SHASTA~! grape and we find a seat. First thing we notice is that the sound system sounds like it is going through Eddie Van Halen's effects pedals so many of the names I didn't get.

El Sucio vs a Kamakazi:
("A" not "the") Kamakazi had fabulous facepaint and they both weighed about 140. This was good for a third or fourth match by both- in that they they had a lot of spunk and were trying really hard, though they were doing everything way too fast and were using a preposterous amount of finishers. El Sucio was throughly hated by the 40,000 children at ring-side, so he does have that part of the biz down. Sucio cheats to win with the help of Dragan Frost and Kamikaze feels the first burn of wrestling hatred....

Rob Royal with the fabulously great Neal Sharkey vs the guy that Rob Hoffman will tell us the name of:
Rob Royal is starting to grow on me and this match was in slow motion compared to the previous match. Royal works on the leg and there is shenanigans to make the finish happen. Little kids make any match molten and fun. Royal and Sharkey cheat right in front of Commissioner Hoffman and he DOES NOTHING! NOTHING! You disgust me, Hoffman.

Kiley McLean vs Casey J Austin vs Flayre:
Kiley is my friend Kelly and she is actually good so I'm glad I don't have to lie in case she reads this. Flayre is scrawny and will take a bump but her punches and kicks weren't very good. Casey J Austin is a bigger gal who looks like she could develop into a good wrestler. Half of her punches and kicks and lariats look good. the other half don't look good. Kiley had some nice spots and her offense looked really good in most places- as she could really develop into a good monster heel type indie gal at some point. They have a 47 person run-in. Me -n- mulDOOMSTONE feign running in. Casey J retains her title via no contest when PAPER TIGER Commissioner ROB "Bud Selig" HOFFMAN doesn't have the CAJONES to restart the match.

Dragan Frost vs this blond haired guy (editor's note: Gideon Wrath):
I think Dragan Frost trained this kid and the kid was pretty good for a rookie. He would take a giant beating and didn't fuck anything up. They have this section where Frost's stable comes and gives Blond boy the business but Kamikaze, Flayre, Casey J and some other folks came in and made the save- and THEN FLAYRE TURNS ON CASEY! WHY IS THERE NO LOVE IN THE GWA WOMEN'S DIVISION?!?!?- and after it all clears out, commissioner Hoffman comes into the ring to chastise Frost about interfering in every match and he wants it to end right now. Frost says Hoffman has 3 seconds to get out of the ring. Hoffman, being the pansy commish that he is, turns to leave the ring BUT TURNS AROUND AND GIVES FROST THE BEST LARIAT OF THE NIGHT! ROB HOFFMAN, AMERICAN BAD ASS. Me -n- mulDOOMSTONE completely lose it as Blond boy makes the pin after hitting his finisher. I wonder if the doughy Hoffman delivering the stiffest lariat of the evening (well, before the Preston Quinn match anyway) is a good thing? Me -n- mulDOOMSTONE try to find the nickname to capture the essence of Sudden Stomper Of Asses That Is Rob Hoffman. I think I wept openly as we head to intermission.

Mike Booth vs Mike Lynn:
Booth is a Quinn trainee and he is pretty solid for a rookie. He didn't punch as well as a usual Quinn trainee but every thing else- especially his psychology- was pretty developed. Lynn was fun. "Roofer by day, wrestler by night" is what I said to MDS right before he hit a picture perfect Elbow drop. I dug both these guys. MDS wonders if he went to high school with Lynn in Virginai Beach. (Rob "Beast From The East" Hoffman fights the urge to Lariat both men and win the match himself.)

Global Tag Champship: Chris Escobar/Dirty Money vs Preston Quinn/ Brandon Day:
This match fucking ROCKED. Old School Southern Tag match with PQ and Day being textbook Southern faces. The crowd developed into this MOLTEN entity as Quinn and Day took turns recieving the ass-beating and then making MONSTROUS LY molten comebacks that blew the roof off the place. Quinn is motherfucking DICK MURDOCK when he punches folks and we were just fucking FREAKING OUT. The story is that they are crimping Quinn's knee and Quinn is selling it like a GOD. Day is always on the spot when controlling the heat of the crowd and is flawless in bringing the crowd into the match while Quinn is being worked over. Escobar was trained by Quinn and his punches are also fucking GREAT. I had just seen him sell for Magic and bump like a mental patient for him at the last NWA-VA show. Here, he is becoming a complete wrestler on offense and has picked up every heelish trick in the book. Quinn sells so well that you buy that a guy 170 pounds is inflicting the damage. Dirty Money needs another helping of pants but he was fun as the evil power guy. There is a errant belt shot by the evil manager and it sets up Quinn hitting the toprope legdrop and then writhing in agony as Day makes the cover. Postmatch, Fat Ass Dave says to me, "That match was perfect" and he was right. (The Mad Man From The Sudan- Rob Hoffman- fights the urge to lariat all four men and win the match himself.)

There was a match here but I don't remember there names - Something Wayne and the other half of the Russian Mafia back in the day. I was talking to Kelly and didn't pay enough attention so I'll let mDs fill you in. I think the finish did not involve the Texas Bronco Rob Hoffman lariating everyone and winning the match himself. I'm pretty sure actually.
(Editor's Note: It was the GWA title match: "Unbreakable" Greg Steel (indeed, formerly "Mikhael Kolov" of the Mafia) defending against another VCW trainee, Damien Wayne.)

Buff Bagwell vs Phil Brown:
Phil Brown is with Neal Sharkey and then are heat machines. Buff was trying to not mail it in when I was hoping that he would go 5 minutes and cash his check. They do some wrestling and the lights go out when the generator outside quits and we scream "SABU!"- as we expected him to appear when the lights came back up. After a few more seconds, I figured they are struggling to get "JAKE THE SNAKE!" through the ropes. But actually the just went out and our shouts went for naught. Buff wins with SOMETHING after the lights come back on. (The Ugandan Giant Rob Hoffman fights the urge to lariat both men and win the match himself.)

It was a fun night of wrestling with varying quality of wrestling and one fucking GREAT match. Plus you could but Little Hug fruit drinks for 40 cents. If it ain't in a community center, it ain't worth going to.

Fuckin' A.

DEAN