ALOHA~!

WELCOME TO THE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #88!

This time round we DVDV PLAYAZ (how fukkin STREET can we BE?!?) tackle just about EVERYTHING. Rev Ray accepts the challenge and reviews the whole All Japan Tag Tourney, I accept the challenge take on the beauty of NJ in late 98 and the GREAT Junior All-Star card from November, the Ripper takes on the challenge of the usual assortment of weird shit we force him to review (LLPW ANNND Sabu in one two month period? YOU my FRIEND are WILD.), Schneider accepts the challenge and gets to the heart of the FMW Best Bouts tape and NAIMARK accepts the challenge and goes all BUST-A-MONTE on our collective ass. The magnificent GLENN!!, Lorefice, Tracy, Zach, and Rob Vincent supplied the beauty this time around so BECOME ONE WITH THE LOVE. THE LOVE OF WRESTLING.

@#@#@#@#@#@#@# ALL JAPAN TV aired 11/15/98
(by REV RAY!)
Opening Ceremonies, RWTL 1998: All the teams come out and stand in the ring. Hey, twosuper fat teams this year!

Misawa/ Ogawa vs. Vader/ Hansen:
Vader and Hansen attack at the bell and try to double team Misawa who goes into "Japanese Dream" mode fighting off both with elbows until they eventually over come him. Misawa ends up getting a little bit of an advantage on Hansen, tags out to Ogawa who gets in 2 moves, a neckbreaker which is sold and a jawbreaker which is no sold. He then becomes the focus of Vader's frustration over Vince's handling of him. Misawa tries to save Ogawa but once he gets pushed into the corner with Misawa he's removed from the situation. Ogawa hits an enzugiri and tags to Misawa who does takes over on Vader with a diving elbow and a spin kick before Hansen hits him. Vader takes over again. Hansen and Vader hit a spiked powerbomb, and Vader hits the Vader Bomb/Big Van Crush for the win. This was pretty short and for all purposes was a squash match. I've heard a mix of opinions on the match, it wasn't too bad, it could have been worse. Misawa could have offered Vader some ho's and he could have worked out.

Headhunters vs. Taue/Kawhatshisname:
Hey, you know at one time, I thought the Head Hunters were really great. I mean, you've got two guys who are like Abdullah the Butcher and do moonsaults and dives... that's gotta be cool right? Kawada's new boots are ugly. Taue and Kawada control early, beating up the really fat one and then the not quite as fat one for a while with an assortment of kicks. The Hunters take over when Kawada tries to suplex the thinner one and can't lift him. The fatter one unleashes the dreaded double trapezius pinch. Kawada tags in Taue who seems to fair much better. Kawada unloads with the kicks on the smaller one. The fatter of the two hits a second rope splash for a two. He sets up for another move, Taue cuts him off and gives Kawada enough time to get out of the way of a fat ass senton. Taue moves in for the kill and gets the win with a real low level chokeslam on the smaller Head Hunter. There wasn't really much to write home about. The Hunters didn't really get in anything spectacular and never really seemed like they were threatening to win. It's scary how fat one of them has gotten, he's got to have anywhere from 50 to 100 on his brother.

Clips of Bart Gunn/Johnny Ace v. the Japanese Herman Munster, Takayama/Omori and Head Hunters v. Akiyama/Kobashi close out the show.
 

#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$ NEW JAPAN TV 11/21/98
(byDEAN RASMUSSEN)
Kendo Ka Shin vs Doctor Wagner Jr.:
BOY! Kendo Ka Shin isn't very good, is he? Wagner is bedecked in his ZEBRA mask so this gets a couple of points for that, I guess. Ka Shin goes for a Cross-Arm-breaker early and often (and it isn't from cool angles like Amano or Yoshika Tamara are wont to do these days). They blow this one spot where I still haven't quite figured out what they were trying to accomplish. Wagner kills him dead with a Wagner Power Driver 98 and we- as viewers- realize it wasn't clipped enough.

Koji Kanemoto vs Takaiwa:
Another in the long line of clipped to hell NJ Juniors matches- in the fact that Lash Larue vs Lenny Lane was given more air time on WCWSN than this. Takaiwa doesn't irritate the hell out of me this go round- in that he doesn't no-sell a Tiger Suplex or anything and he's selling the knee like a champ in this. Koji hits him with everything in his repertoire in two minutes except the Running World's Fastest Belly-to-Belly suplex (Takaiwa's selling the knee, membah!). Kanemoto tries to get all tricky with the unidimensional Takaiwa and attempts a Reverse Hurricanrana (which Damien and Ciclope would have sold like champs) that Takaiwa is clueless about. So you have this horrendously blown spot as we go to a finish. (HEY! Takaiwa the Luchadore sucks!) Koji goes all spectacular Moonsault Variation Crazy- without the cool kiss-blowing to the ladies (so I'm hating this more and more)- until he takes a knee to the bread basket. Takaiwa Chosyu-Lariats the hell out of Koji a few times and Heavyweight tryout continues for Takaiwa. Bring him up already before he no-sells a Wagner Driver and I have to throw a brick at my TV Set.

Shinjiro Ohtani vs Jushin THUNDER Liger:
This is clipped up to the first (I'm guessing) Missile Dropkick by Ohtani. Ohtani follows it up with a German Suplex into a bridge and then gets up and says either "Get get fired up" or "Clobberin' Time!" either way, Ohtani does a really strong impersonation of the late Jay Youngblood as he gets all fired up a fitful rage of being on the... warpath... or somethin. I was waiting for one of those Dances That Lead To A Tomahawk Chop as he held one of Liger's horns. They whip out the really cool moves including the TWO coolest moves in wrestling at the moment (this week at least) when Ohtani hits the SWANK Rotation Powerbomb that REALLY kicks ass as a cool variation on a standard move and then Liger crushes Ohtani like bug with a Toprope Fisherman's Buster. God, FOUR minutes for this match and we get all of the Brian Adams match? You may want to wait for the Complete Samurai TV Documentation to come out because they seemed to be having a pretty great match going there when they join it in progress- eleven minutes in- what with the neat psychology, the trading of Shotays, the whole schlmeil.

Genchiro Tenryu/ Koshinaka/ Ohara vs Bryan Adams/ Kojima/ Keijo Mutoh:
This was pretty good considering the walking timebombs of poo that were in the ring. Mutoh is kinda feeling it lately and really can't hurt you in a six-man. Luckily, there is enough of Kojima and Koshinaka in this to provide the Big Time wrestling and enough Kojima and Tenryu punching each other in the face and enough of Kojima and Tenzan hating each others stinking guts even though they are on the same side of the fence to keep this all fun and interesting. Adams only fucks up a couple of things and he gets weird pops from the crowd when he does something halfway strength-oriented- so he kills time well while Kojima and Tenzan smack each other in the face after Kojima calls Tenzan a big pansy. Koshinaka is all butt-oriented in his attack as per usual and he is a helper in making the hideous Ohara sections more bearable. Tenryu really does punch Kojima right in the face a couple of times. Kojima saves the matches bacon as he and Tenryu beat the crap out of each other to set up the three-part finisher. Kojima has a nice toprope elbow and he makes it all hurty and stuff for the World's Toughest Geezer. This was better than I thought it would be and it's mostly because Kojima is about as good as you get in the New Japan Heavyweights other than Yuji Nagata and Hash right now.

Scott Norton vs Shinya Hashimoto:
I watched this twice. The second time, I realized that- though there were major flaws in Norton's selling- this was actually Close To Good considering it's Scott Norton in 1998. The story is that Hashimoto is working on Norton's shoulder and sets up two cross-armbreakers that are sold in the traditional New Japan way by Norton (like Dusty Rhodes selling a sleeper hold in 1988). It is the usual simple Hashimoto story that he is the TRUE master at telling (though they do have Norton get his first offensive flurry by going after Hash's knee that he injured in the 95 G-1). The big problem is that Norton tries to sell the shoulder effectively but he has no middle gears of selling- in that he goes from "immobilized With Pain" to "no-Selling Monster within seconds." Norton takes a pretty king-sized ass-kicking but the ending sucked because it ends in a countout and the spot setting it up wasn't particularly devastating. I mean Shinya Hashimoto gets posted and that's gonna keep him out for a twenty count? That doesn't make him look very strong or much of a contender. If he went through a table and there was a bunch of blood, I could see if. To make this ending work, you needed blood and something spectacular to make Hash look strong going down for 20 seconds. Other than that and the one large batch MENGinizing by Norton, I could live with this as quite acceptable wrestling. Plus it was only 11 minutes long.
 

@#@#@#@#@#@# ALL JAPAN TV 11/29/98
(byREV RAY)
Continuing coverage of the Tag League!
The show opens with Vader beating the fudge out of headbutt boy Honda and then runs a recap of the Hansen/Vader path of destruction through the tag league.

Hansen/ Vader/ Mossman vs. Misawa/ Honda/ Ogawa:
Joined in progess, Vader puts the beating on Misawa for a bit with punches until Misawa scores with some elbows and a spin kick. He and Honda hit a double suplex. Honda tries for a suplex on his own and Vader hits a wakigatame. Jump cut to Vader beating on Honda some more. Honda backdrops out of a Hansen powerbomb attempt and Misawa takes over. They go back and forth a bit, Vader comes in and fairs better. Misawa and Ogawa try to double team Vader who bowls them all over with Vader attacks and then Honda when he comes in. Misawa gets control on Vader and downs him with a rolling elbow. Honda holds Hansen for Misawa, but when Misawa charges in, he eats a lariat and then Hansen kills headbutt boy for the win. Mossman was shown in ring for about a minute in this match.

Ace/ Gunn vs. Taue/ Kawada:
Joined in progress, Kawada plays whipping boy. He gets Ace Crushered on a set up chair by Ace outside the ring. Bart Gunn his Kawada with a half hour suplex. Bart punches Kawada who stands there for a second before falling down, prompting the announcers to yell out "STEVE WILLIAMS!" The problem is a "puncher" gimmick is almost always horrible in pro-wrestling. I'm sure Bart can actually hit a ton, the problem is that his pulled punches don't look all that good. They do a sort of neat spot where Gunn press slams Kawada into sort of an ace crusher by Johnny, but Taue saves the 3. Taue prevents Ace from doing the cobra clutch suplex and makes the tag in, beating on Ace a bit. They do a segment where Taue attempts to drop Ace across the top rope, Ace blocks it, goes for a lariat, Taue catches him and goes for the Nodowa Drop and Ace DDTs out of it. Bart tags in and gets in a pretty laughable mounted punch position. Gunn tries for a knock out punch but Taue blocks hit and hits a double arm suplex. Kawada kicks out Gunn, Ace comes in and fights off both Taue and Kawada. Here on All Japan Nitro.... we cut to a commercial. When we come back, Ace hits a lariat. Kawada takes over on him, and almost scores a pin with a powerbomb. Kawada puts Ace in the Stretch Plum while Taue holds off Gunn, Ace won't give up and kicks out of a pin attempt. Gunn gets the backdrop/nodowa drop and Ace gets double high kicked. Johnny hits a release German on Kawada, but Taue comes in to hit Ace with the chokeslam and hold him for a Kawada's jumping roundhouse. Gunn and Taue mix it up outside, Kawada with another near fall with a powerbomb. Kawada hits his jumping roundhouse to score the win. A pretty good match. Bart Gunn looks pretty good if you throw out the stupid puncher gimmick.
 

!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!! FRONTIER MARTIAL WRESTLING Best Bouts 1998 Tape
(pt1 of 2 byPHIL SCHNEIDER)
Masato Tanaka vs Mr. Gannoseke:
The Mr. Gannoseke story is an odd and amazing one. He has made an incredible metamorphoses from a generic Tarzan Goto scrotege, who was destined to leave his mark in wrestling history solely as the guy who puked into the sink after wrestling Tiger Jeet Singh in the first round of the King of the Death Matches tourney (I have some sympathy for Mr., my gag reflex kicks in when Jeet Singh wrestles too), to the best damn worker in FMW, as he pulls together his more spectacular comrades into coherent, and spectacular wrestling matches while dabbling in the sweet gore that has been FMW's bread and butter. He works his magic with Masato Tanaka in this one right here. I like Masato a lot, but I think his greatness is a bit overrated by the wrestling cognoscenti, he is flashy as all get out, and has tons of neat moves, but his basic psychology is a little too no-selly, kick out of finishersy, for my taste. That basic flaw in Masato Tanaka's psychology (which is endemic in a lot of current Japanese wrestling in general) is what kept this match from being really really great. Gannoseke starts this one out with the garbage section as he busts Masato up including carving up his arm with a stick. After that is over, they break into the wrestling section with both guys dumping each other right on their heads and Masato doing all of his Misawa homage spots. Tanaka no sells a Released German Suplex in the dumbest spot of the match, and both guys kick out of too many finishers for me to really love this match like I should. I did like the ending though, with Mr., hitting a sweet roll up for the flash pin. I may sound a little critical, but this match was damn good, but just a step below the next one. You still want to get your hands on this badboy as the good well outweighs the small problems.

Mr. Gannoseke vs Jinsei Shinzaki:
This was the match that really made me decide to include Gannoseke in the wrestling canonization, as he pulls a legit MOTY candidate out of the universally underwhelming Shinzaki. No one has savaged suck ass Jinsei more then me, but damn if he don't pull out the best match of his career here, and it's an all around must see affair. The garbage section at the beginning was pretty sweet with Shinzaki taking the hellacious over the top rope powerbomb to the floor, in one of the nastiest bumps I have seen in a long while, that busts up the back of the erstwhile Hakushi's head, giving the nice blood on white pants effect. After they get the death out of the way they decide to break into a ton o wrestling with Shinzaki busting out a barrelfull of cool moves including the backflip kick to the face, straightjacket camel clutch and swank Vaderbomb double stomp. They built to the big spots well instead of just kicking them out one after another. The end was all of that, with Shinzaki punching Gannoseke dead in the face to block Gannoseke's praying powerbomb, setting up his own praying powerbomb for the finish. This may be the best FMW match I have ever seen and I cannot rave enough. YOU WANT ALL OF THIS!!
 

#$#$#$#$#$#$# NORTHERN PREMIER WRESTLING- (1996)
(by PHIL THE RIPPER RIPPA!)

A couple of weeks back you read about a deal that was struck between Rev Ray and Dean after getting some tapes of Minnesota indies. Rev. Ray did the first two tapes (the Best of Jerry Lynn. The Best of Lenny Lane); Dean was supposed to do the other one. Hey, that's funny. Well the buck got passed to me. What follows is a couple of weeks worth of Pro Wrestling Today with Mick Karch and some other folks.

J. B. Trask vs. Horace the Psychopath (Stretcher Match):
How on God's green earth did you use the name Horace for this gimmick? What's next, Lance? Bruce? Steve? Despite the name, Horace shows signs that he is a decent wrestler. He is over with the crowd, does above average mic work, moves pretty well for a round guy. Unfortunately, none of that is going to be showcased in this match. The stretcher match rules are simple as all you have to do is pin your opponent on the "stretcher", which is actually one of those canvas things that you saw in MASH. No wrestling will be found for the 15 plus minutes these guys wander around do 9th grade brawling. Horace blades himself fairly nicely but that is the highlight of the match. There is a big rest period as the two combatants wander up the bleachers and then Horace throws himself down the stairs. Trask eventually gets the win as the ref gets distracted, Lenny Lane runs in, knocks out Horace who conveniently falls on the stretcher and gets pinned. That wasn't good.

The Hater vs. "Rock N' Roll" Buck Zumhofe:
Speaking of not good. First of all, The Hater looks EXACTLY like J.W. Storm. Come on, you remember J.W. Storm. He wrestled for all of 8 minutes in WCW. Hit one PPV (possibly the Great American Bash) and then went the way of the Motor City Madman. He is an afterthought in this match because there is Buck Zumhofe standing across the ring from him. IN NINETEEN NINETY SIX! Buck Zumhofe in 1986 = Not good at all. Buck Zumhofe in 1996 = Unwatchable. There is not a man on this planet with saggier breasts. (Okay, I'm sure there are plenty but this are pretty bad.) You know, somewhere Jake "The Milkman" Milligan is wondering why the hell he isn't still wrestling. Or Col. Debeers. Col. Debeers. That's who The Hater is. Well not the same person just similar gimmicks. Get him Buck! Defend your country's honor or something like that. Waffle him with the boombox. Oh yeah, the boombox is still with Buck. You figure that after all these years of wrestling, Buck would have been able to upgrade. He could have a Sony Mini Disc player. Hell, he could even move up to a JVC Kaboom Box. No, he still has the one that only gets AM, single tape player that sounds like you were listening to music through two cans, string and some flem. There is a rumor that if Buck wins this match, he is going to use the winner's purse to buy an 8-track. Hey, you can borrow REO Speedwagon from Dean. Know how the match ends? The Hater gets DQed for breaking the boom box. High quality wrestling from a tent in some fairgrounds in Minnesota.

Horace the Psychopath vs. Lenny Lane
Oooooohhhhhhh, Horace is out for revenge for what Lenny did in that early match. So you know what he does? He charges the ring and hits Lane with some grass. Or something. Who cares? Horrible. Horrible. Horrible brawl. Lane wins with a roll up. Damn you Rev. Ray for doing that Jerry Lynn stuff. THAT was watchable.
 

$%$%$ MIKE NAIMARK's ROLLICKING SHOOTSTYLE WORLD %$%$%$
Greetings, NHB fans! You're in a for a treat today, as ol' Mike reviews one of the great 'audience participation' NHB events of all time. And this ain't no weenie 'Rocky Horror' style audience participation, either! But before leaping in, lets all extend our collective congratulations to the winners of the first DVDVR NHB trivia quiz! The first person to correctly identify the acronym 'SAFTA' as "Scientific Aggressive Fighting Techniques of America" (AKA the bogus martial art practiced by bloated pituitary freak Jon Hess) was none other than Eric Szaal, who emailed the answer in at an ungodly hour when only the unemployable and socially deranged are awake. I decided to extend a 'damn close' award to two other faithful DVDVR studmuffins, Utz 'ryhmes with boots' Vogt and Lee 'IRC7' Casebolt, for submitting the correct answer at an early, but more resonable time, when most decent folks are eating breakfast. Utz and Eric are proud recepients of a copy of PRIDE-4, a 4-hour NHB extravaganza featuring some of the top fighters in the world and a really cheezy magic act to boot, while IRC7, whose NHB collection rivals mine in scope and breadth, is still undecided. Congratulation to these three NHB studpuppets for their quick minds and hyperactive adrenal glands. All in all, over 20 correct responses were received! The trivia challenge resumes next issue!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ PENTAGON COMBAT
Once again our no-holds-barred safari cuts a swath through tropical jungles to the well-tanned shores of Brazil, home of some of the finest women and greatest fighters on the face of the planet. With no small amount of personal effort on my part, I will selflessly drive the thoughts of steamy Latina cleavage from my mind and focus instead on one of the most historic and memorable NHB events of the decade. The event is PENTAGON COMBAT, which is a pretty stupid name, since the rights are held in a UFC-style round ring. Maybe next Halloween we could have Pentagram Combat, where the evil satanic Undertaker meets The Simpson's Reverend Lovejoy for NHB brutality in a clash between two well-known cartoons. But I digress....One thing that has always intrigued me about Brazilian culture and 'machismo' was the degree of vanity exhibited by the men in the culture, in a sense that I always associated only with women (e.g. lying about you age to seem younger). Which brings us to our esteemed announcer for this momentous NHB event, Sergio Meracio, a middle-aged man who would like nothing better to land a spot in the new cast of 'Saved By the Bell'. I am overcome with the distinct feeling that this man would gleefully sodomize any orifice on any endothermic being on the planet, provided he wouldn't get caught. I suppose that qualifies him to run for President in America, but he's not native born. But enough of the sexually perverse subtext! There's a-fightin' to do!

Marcello Tigre (BJJ, 1.7M, 98Kg) vs BUDA (Streetfighting, 1.8M, 106Kg):-
Buda has the immediate early support from the crowd, either because he's a known local fighter, or because his very name is synonymous with marijuana. Marcello opens with a leg kick, and Buda immediately shoots and takes Tigre to the ground after a short struggle. Tigre takes guard and weathers a few clubbing rights from Buda, who looks winded already. Marcello's nose starts to bleed, prompting another flurry from Buda, and Tigre takes advantage of Buda's balance and spins under a punch, grabs the arm, and sinks in an armlock. And he almost gets it too. Buda is still too strong, and manages to wiggle free, but right back into the guard. Chants of 'BUDA' ring through the crowd, spurring The BudaBudMan to flurry again in the guard, and ONCE AGAIN he's thrown off-balance and into an arm bar! This time Buda stands straight up and literally lifts Marcello off the ground by one arm and slams him to the mat to break the hold. Hey Buda, were you paying attention last time? It must be true what they say about the short- term memory loss. Marcello lures a wheezing Buda back into his guard, and in the blink of an eye gets a classic, textbook BJJ guard reversal into a full mount position, sitting on Buda's heaving chest. Buda foolishly flips on to his stomach to avoid being smacked in his handsome Brazilian face, and is quickly subdued by a rear-naked choke. That Buda got smoked! Winner by tap-out, Marcello Tigre!

Rony Rustico (BJJ, 1.78M 80Kg) vs Jose Henrique (Muay-thai, 1.8M, 80Kg):
The match starts with the traditional circling, and it takes the viewer about 10 seconds to discern which of these guys has practiced fighting on his feet, and which one punches like a girl. A sissy-mary type of girl, not one of those female karatekas who can smash concrete with their sloping brows. Don't hurt me. Rony throws a weak leg kick and entices the Thai fighter to shoot straight into a guillotine choke. Rustico drops to his back with wraps his legs around the waist and really starts to crank the choke, with Jose working feverishly to get his neck out. With a burst of energy, he extracts his head and end up with a side mount, a position identical to the pro-wrestling 'make a pin' position. A skilled groundfighter will chew you up from this position, but a Muay-thai fighter like our friend Jose will look clueless and goofy. He tries to get a mount, but falls into Rustico's guard. Rustico reverses into a full mount (sound familiar?) And starts rifling straight punches into those delicate bones of the face. Jose turns on his stomach (sound familiar) and continues to absorb strikes until he taps. Winner by tap-out, Rice-a-Rony Rustico, the San Paolo treat!

And now, for something a little special.

Ricardao Morias (BJJ, 2.05M, 125Kg) v Sergio Muralha (boxing/kickboxing,1.8M 120Kg):
Ricardo Morias is a big freak. There, I said it. I don't mean it in a bad way, just an accurate way. He stands 6'8, 280lbs, with a body fat percentage that would make Rick Rude nod in approval. You can just smell the disdain as he glares at his soft-bellied opponent before the match. The fighters circle, and Morias slowly and methodically begins to cut off the ring and limit Sergio's dancing. Sergio, who looks like an extra from one of those Dr. Dre "Bar-b-que in the 'hood" videos, realizes he's being set up for a whoopin', and decides to make his move. He feints a right hand and slips his face right into Morias' counterpunch, a clubbing right that knocks him face-first to the ground, where Morias quickly following with a barrage of punches as Muralha taps quicker than a young Gregory Hines. The crowd erupts into boos and catcalls and Sergio remains face-first on the mat covering his face; when he does arise, we can see that Morias' one punch opened up a nasty split under his right eye. Winner in a squash, Ricardo 'The Mutant' Morias!

Oleg Taktarov (Sambo, 1.8M 105Kg) v Sean Alvares (JJ, 1.8M 105Kg):
Many of you may remember Oleg Taktarov from his UFC days, which included a submission win over Tank Abbott to win the UFC 6 title and a Superfight draw with Ken Shamrock. A rock-solid submissions grappler, Oleg's stock in NHB had fallen since losing a couple of high-visibility matches in recent years, being bludgeoned into frightening unconsciousness by Gary 'Big Daddy' Goodridge at PRIDE-1, and being knocked senseless by Renzo Gracie in the main event of the ill-fated MARS PPV, a well as a brutal drubbing at the hands of the 'King of the Street', Marco Ruas. Oleg can wrestle with the best of 'em, but he strikes like to worst of 'em. True to form, Oleg comes out in the fight ready to throw leather with the Brazilian. Oleg holds his hands low, a gaffe that only a totally clueless striker would fail to take advantage of. Fortunately, Alvarez is just such a man! Oleg feints a left, deftly suckering Alvarez into ducking straight into the path of an incoming right cross. Oleg shoots for a waistlock, but Alvarez uses his Jiu-Jitsu skills to maintain his balance and neutralize the takedown attempt. 'Nyet problem', thinks Oleg, and promptly returns to beating the snot out of Alvarez's handsome Brazilian visage. A winging right hand connects and is followed by a short, crisp 2-punch combination than drops Alvarez to his knees. The referee immediately steps in and awards the match to Taktarov by knockout, a decision which draws loud jeers from the audience, since Brazilian NHB tradition dictates that the match continues until a fighter quits or his corner throws in the towel. Alvarez staggers to his feet with a torrent of blood streaming from his nose and a wide gash under his right eye, and his hometown crowd tries desperately to convince themselves that the referee had deprived Alvarez of a chance to....be beaten to an even bloodier pulp. Nice folks, them fans. Winner by knockout, Oleg Taktarov!

Jerry Bohlander (wrestling, submissions 1.87M 90Kg) v Murillio Bustamante (BJJ 1.88M 90Kg):
Here's matchup worthy of main-event status featuring two of the best 200lb fighters walking the face of the earth. Jerry Bohlander burst on to the NHB scene at UFC8 where this unknown 20 year-old Ken Shamrock trainee astounded the crowd by outlasting and submitting 350lb lummox Scott Ferrozo before subcoming to the power of 275lb Gary Goodridge. Scott Ferrozo went on to garner fame as the man who went toe-to-toe with Tank Abbott and emerged victorious, and also as the owner of the world's dumbest and ugliest tattoo, a multi-colored monstrosity of a baying wolf imprinted on one blubbery bosom. In Ferrozo's defense, his wife was spotted in the crowd at UFC12 in the company of famed female porn star Mimi Miagi, so who am I to judge the guy? Bohlander eschewed the cut-rate tattoos and company of the girls of porn and made his mark in the ring, showing great patience and confidence on the ground and garnering wins at both the UFC and the Hawaiian Superbrawl 200lb tournaments. Against almost any 200lb fighter, Bohlander would have to be considered a prohibitive favorite, but tonight Jerry gets paired up with one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in all of Brazil, the smiling and cocky Murillio Bustamante. Bustamante really wowed the NHB community when he went to the ground with 300lb wrestling monster Tom Erikson and used his guard so efficiently that Erikson, one of the most respected freestyle wrestlers to ever enter NHB, refused to grapple with him at the 20+ minute mark, essentially conceding the ground game to a man 100lbs smaller than he. The fight opens with Bohlander circling, his hands held high in an eerie resemblance to Ken Shamrock's own style. The pair grapple standing, Greco-Roman style, until Murillio forces Bohlander to the fence. Bohlander blocks an attempt at a single-leg takedown and the Greco-Roman jostling resumes again. Once against the fence, Bustamante attempts another single-leg, once again deftly blocked by Bohlander, showing great balance and anticipation. The fighters break and return to the middle of the ring. Murillio shoots and manages to drive Jerry back to the fence again, this time punctuating his shoot with a crisp straight right that lands flush on Bohlander's temple. Bohlander appears stunned and flings a wild right in return, but Murillio ducks and drives the American back to the fence. Bohlander maintains his balance and the two men grapple standing to the middle of the ring where Bustamante drops Bohlander with a single-leg trip. Bohlander, wisely rolls through with his momentum and is actually back on his feet before Murillio is. The Brazilian wastes no time and quickly rushes in with a flurry of strikes, including a sweet right cross followed by a right uppercut. These aren't big knockout blows, but they've clearly shaken Bohlander's concentration as he once again flings wild punches in retaliation before being driven back into the fence. Bohlander is finally able to manage a shoot of his own, but Murillio gladly falls to his back, and since the guy has one of the best pure BJJ guards in the world, who can blame him? Using his hips and balance, Bustamante actually manages to *outstrike* a guy sitting on top of him by keeping Bohlander's head below chest level. Bohlander gamely maneuvers Murillio near the fence, throwing in a few small headbutts but offering little else in terms of positioning. Murillio continues to pound away at the sides of Jerry's head from the guard, and so Bohlander decides to back out of the guard and stand. As Bohlander stands to prepare a renewed assault on the seated Bustamante, he lowers his head and WHAM!!!!! From his back, Murillio Bustamante fires a kick with intense viciousness, catching the unsuspecting American squarely between the eyes with his heel. Bohlander was unconscious before he even hit the floor. The referee almost soils himself in haste to stop this match, and Murillio celebrates with his coach, Carlson Gracie. Winner by knockout, Murillio Bustamante!

MAIN EVENT - Renzo Gracie (GJJ) v Eugenio Tadeau (Luta Livre).
Hey armchair promoters, how do you follow up a barn burner featuring two of the best 200lb fighters in the world? How about trotting out two MORE of the best under-200lb fighters in the world? Renzo Gracie represents the familial tradition of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, purportedly undefeated in NHB competition for more than two generations, which may not be entirely true, but is for the most part accurate. Renzo holds big wins over guys like Oleg Taktarov and former IBF cruiserweight boxing champ James Waring. Eugenio Tadeau represents the competing Brazilian style of Luta Livre, literally 'free fighting' in Portuguese (the Spanish translation? Lucha Libre! But you'll see no ranas or tope-con-hilos in this one, kids, though Tadeau will do the LaParka dance if you catch him on Schnapps night at the Limbo Club). Luta Livre incorporates aspects of BJJ in its groundfighting techniques, but tends to focus more on proper striking, and as such borrows heavily from Western boxing and muay-thai. Besides being a matchup of two highly respected fighters from competing styles, there's the added incentive of bad blood between the two, owing to some pro-wrestling style remarks from Tadeau about the Gracie family. Jerry Lawler would be proud of the way Eugenio bashed 80+ year-old family patriarch Helio Gracie! The crowd is noticeably hyped for this grudge match, and I'm pretty sure I heard our middle-aged teenage announcer Sergio say that these men would be "Gettin' jiggy wit it" and that he was "Pretty fly for a beige guy". Of course, my Portuguese is somewhat spotty. The men approach each other in the center of the ring, and you can immediately see that Eugenio uses a highly unorthodox stance, with bucketfulls of jerky head movement and hyperactive hand feints and gestures. Renzo works a couple of clumsy left jabs at the wildly twitching Tadeau before diving into a shoot for a double-leg takedown near the fence. Eugenio tries to maintain distance from Gracie in his guard, but Renzo raises his body up until Tadeau is nearly standing on his head against the fence. A couple of poor punches from Renzo and then its back to the ground, only this time Renzo has moved out of the guard and into the side-mount position, and huge tactical improvement. In a move that defies all common sense, Eugenio turns over on to his stomach, and quick as a hiccup, Renzo is all over his back positioning himself for the rear-naked choke and another easy Gracie win over another loud- mouthed chump. But wait! Eugenio turns out and shakes Gracie off his back before once again rolling on his stomach, where Renzo once again takes his back for the choke. THIS time Gracie will make short work of his challenger! NO! Eugenio twists and convulses and manages to shake free of Renzo's grip once again and manages to get to his feet - with Renzo Gracie in a guillotine choke! The crowd is rabid as the supporters of the two schools of combat roar in approval of the technique on display here; Renzo's execution has been textbook GJJ, but Eugenio combines his natural athleticism with an exceedingly unorthodox and unpredictable style of fighting which seems to have perplexed even the great Gracie! Tadeau hangs on to the guillotine and drops to his guard with his legs around Renzo's waist to better crank the choke. Renzo wiggles his head free from danger to an enormous eruption from his partisans in the crowd. Tadeau now has Gracie in the half-guard, and Gracie takes advantage with some strikes, at one point landing 6 unanswered lefts before Eugenio manages to recapture the full guard again and stop the onslaught. Suddenly, Renzo backs out of Tadeau's guard and stands, and in a stunning reversal of fortune from the earlier Bustamante v Bohlander match, connects with a crushing kneestrike as Eugenio sits up from his back. Renzo falls back into the guard and gives Tadeau time to catch his wits while he drives more kneestrikes into the thighs before improving his position to half-guard and continuing to throw knees at the ribs. A loud chant of "Renzo" swells from the crowd, not unlike the chants of ÎGoldberg' in timing. From his half-guard position, Renzo acknowledges the accolades of the crowd and worms his leg free to attain the full mount. This is the (say it with me, DVDVR readers) SECOND MOST DOMINANT POSITION IN FIGHTING, and amazingly, Tadeau again rolls onto to his stomach and gives Renzo his back, which is (once again, on 3 this time. 1....2...) THE MOST DOMINANT POSITION IN FIGHTING. Giving your back to a Gracie is akin to letting your opponent go first in a groin-kicking contest, but Eugenio dodges yet another bullet and wiggles free of Gracie's clutches as the crowd falls just short of autofellatio in expressing their excitement. Eugenio returns to his feet, as does Renzo, with Renzo pressing the action with short leg kicks before shooting for a single-leg and attaining the full mount and raining down punches, while Tadeau returns fire by punching from his back. Two men climb on the ringside apron to shout encouragement to the fighters before being dragged back to ground level like crabs trying to escape a bucket. Tadeau squirms out of the mount and clambers to his feet. Both men are visibly winded here, and it bears note that we've had more than 10 minutes of solid, non-stop action from these dynamos. Tadeau throws a lethargic muay-thai whip kick at Gracie's leg, and Gracie inexplicably collapses to the ground and refuses to stand, motioning Tadeau to come to the mat and grapple with the GJJ master. Tadeau throws some weak kicks at Renzo's outstretched legs as 3 more men climb from the crowd to the ring apron to root on their fighters. A drink flies from the crowd and explodes in a shower of ice in the ring and the volume of the crowd reaches a fever pitch. Now more than 10 men are standing on the ringside apron, one of whom is clearly having a conversation with Tadeau as he hovers over the prostrate Gracie. Now an argument erupts at ringside as the entourages of both fighters jostle for position and visibility. Renzo slowly regains his feet but seems exhausted as the fighters circle again. Eugenio offers another listless whip-kick, which Renzo makes almost zero effort to block. Eugenio feints another kick and Renzo shoots in for a single-leg, driving Tadeau to the fence. More men have now jumped on the ringside apron to scream gibberish at the fighters who are too exhausted to hear anything other than the sound of their own heartbeats. The announcer comes on the public address system and begs the folks on the apron to sit back in the crowd so everyone else can see whats happening in the ring, but to no avail. Tadeau grabs a sloppy double-leg and literally rips Gracie's legs from under him and dumps him on the mat. Now people are coming from everywhere to hang on the ring apron; one loses his balance and falls into the teeming mass of rabid fans which crowd-surfs him briefly before presumably stomping his face in. The referee steps between Tadeau and Gracie in an attempt to restore order. And then? Well, then all hell breaks lose. The camera pulls back for a wide shot from. the ring and you can clearly see a man standing on the ring apron being pulled down into the crowd by his shirt with punches flying before he even touched the ground. A chair flies from off screen and bounces off the head of a poor spectator who probably just wanted to drink beer, oggle the foxy Brazilian ring girls, and cheer drunkenly. Instead, fans grab all available chairs and just start wackin'. You've seen the ECW footage of the chair barrage in the ring? Well, throw in 5000 drunken Brazilians howling in anger over being denied a decisive finish to their main event, and you've got the very definition of a NHB clusterfuck. One poor slob takes a brutal, Foley-esque chairshot to the back of his head as he cranes his neck in vain to see the ring, and with adrenelin running high, the crowd starts to riot, Brazilian-style! A small man drags his 300+lb neighbor to the ground and locks in a triangle choke from his guard! A bald man looks furiously for an exit, only to be blindsided with a rear-naked choke from a wide-eyed teenager in a Gracie t-shirt! A frightened photographer taps out to an elderly lady in a floral print gi! Even the referee goes down at the hands of an angry fan, who shoots in for a double leg and immediately sinks in a kneebar! He's pulling his leg! And pulling his leg! And pulling his leg! Just like I'm pulling YOUR leg! Chairshots and wild punching is the order of the day, disappointingly. The video cuts off here, and when it resumes, the house lights are on and all of the ringside seats are in chaotic heaps around the ring, with the fighters nowhere to be seen. There ain't a winner, and the eventual outcome of this match is filed away in the "What if?" cabinet with the winner of the 1994 World Series (which would have been the Yankees, BTW). Would Tadeau have continued his late dominance and been the first man to crush the Gracie NHB legend with the entire NHB world watching? Could Renzo have managed a miracle comeback predicated on Eugenio's sloppy groundfighting and pulled the rabbit from the trap, as in Gracie v Severn at UFC4? Alas, we will never know. No rematch was signed.
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^&^&^&^&^&^& NEW JAPAN TV 11/28/98
(byDEAN RASMUSSEN)
Jushin Thunder Liger/ Kendo Ka Shin/ Dr Wagner vs Koji Kanemoto/ Shinjiro Ohtani/ Takaiwa:
This was really great. Liger takes Ohtani's Rotation Powerbombs like Ohtani takes Liger's Running Shotays- so this starts off with quite bang. Takaiwa continues to be the shittiest Junior Heavyweight in all of Japan after no-selling a Corner Shotay by Liger AND a MOTHERFUCKING TOPROPE BRAINBUSTER by Dr Wagner. Go fuck yourself, Takaiwa. You STINK. Dr Wagner is really boss in this as he whips out a modified Dos Caras Straightjacket Inside Legsweep Into A Headscissors and it was simply breathtaking. Ka Shin doesn't ruin anything this time around, so that's a big plus but Kanemoto is kinda subdued in this as he can't seem to get away >from the full-blown display of suck by Takaiwa. Ohtani joins Koji in the wings after a great early flurry with Liger, where Liger kills the living hell out of him with a Running Shotay. Master Suckass over Wagner with a Death Valley Bomb. Wagner, Ohtani and Liger save this matches bacon big time.

Sasaki/Yamazaki/Yasuda vs NWO Sting/Tenzan/Big Titan:
Yusuda is back to not being a bizarre cog in the making of a good match as he just kinda does a half-assed clothesline and calls it a night. Yamazaki carries the body of the match, making Bogner's Overhand Facebuster look really good at one point and Dragonscrewing the hell out of nWo Hurricane in an Old School way. The Good Sting is king-sized making Kensuke Sasaki look less chumplike by taking all of his powermoves like a man. Tenzan's the peppiest of the bunch as he is starting to pour on the starpower to propel him to those main events against Yuji Nagata in 2001. The Actually-A-Good-Wrestler Sting with a phatass shoulder block off the toprope to take out a weakened Yamazaki.

Shinya Hashimoto/ Tatsumi Fujinami vs Manabu Nakanishi/ Yuji Nagata:
THIS was GREAT. THIS was Hashimoto doing what Hashimoto does best, which is to bring the skewed and simplistic New Japan psychology to the table and Yuji Nagata is SO up for the challenge. The story is that Yuji matches up with Hash in a lot of categories- they both kick like motherfuckers, they both approximate shootstyle really well, Yuji can match Hash's Brainbusters and DDT's with his assorted, sundry and always cool suplexes- but Hash has one BIG advantage: an AMAZING supply of fat. Hash utilizes his ever expanding girth to its most hurty and bone-crushing utmost. Hash whips out TWO fat and I mean FATASS sentons and one TRULY HIDEOUS toprope stomp on the Young Rising Star Who Has Finally Wrestled His Way Out US Wrestling Shape. Nakanishi is quite the comical whipping boy for Hash and Fujinami- as Hash seems to take great glee in potatoing the fudge out of the Steinerized Former Kurasawa. Yuji Nagata is just what the doctor ordered for Fujinami- as Yuji sells Tatsumi's offense so well that you don't actually dwell on the fact that Fujinami is SO the Bobby Eaton of New Japan right now. Nagata gets in the superimpressive Belly-to-Belly Suplex on the mountain of pudge that is Hash right now. Hasha and Nagata really beat the hell out of each other until Hash hits two SWANK DDTs after crushing Yuji's skull with a NASTY urican. GET ALLL THIS.

Koshinaka/Tenryu vs Mutoh/Kojima:
Golly, New Japan is on a hotstreak with these cool ass tag matches. This was pretty great as Mutoh once again wasn't afraid to work and the extended Kojima Hates Tenryu saga continues as they beat the crap out of each other again. I am baffled by a couple things- Tenryu takes away the padding from the turnbuckle and they drive Mutoh's head right into it and THEN Mutoh takes a full posting right in the head and yet we are without blood? Is this the same Keiji Mutoh could have written the Constitution in the snow with the blood he was blowing out of his skull when feuding with Hiroshi Hase? Anyway, this match is great. Koshinaka is Butttastic, Kojima beats the hell out of everyone and Tenryu uses guile and cunning to chalk one up for the Angry Prostate-worried Geezers.
 

$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$% ALL JAPAN TV 12/6/98
(byREV RAY!)
Tag League Finals!
Clips leading up to the finals are shown as Vader and Hansen sweep the league to go undefeated while Punkiyama and Kenta-ky Fried Kobashi knock off the stoic duo of Kawhatisname and Taue to advance to the finals. It should also be noted that Giant Baba was doing commentary for this and was probably one of the last TV appearance he made. This starts out with a bit of stalling with Kobashi and Vader. Kobashi opens with chops until Vader floors him with one punch. Kobashi recovers and opens with chops, goes for a suplex but that just ain't happening. Kobashi down after a Vader Attack, Stan tags in and they beat on Punkiyama when he comes in. Kobashi and Stan mix it up with Kobashi controlling. Akiyama gets tagged in and Stan beat him up. Vader in, Akiyama fights off both men, he goes for a northern lights suplex but gets dropped rudely from a front face lock face first by Vader. Vader process to punch the crap out of him in the corner. Akiyama weathers some Stan offense and avoids a Vader avalanche to tag Kobashi who hits some offense, but Stan prevents him from suplexing Vader. Kobashi gets beat up on the outside by Stan. Stan's punches don't look all that good.... Vader hits Kobashi a few times pretty good making him make goofy faces before dropping him with a lariat. Kobashi tries to fight back, gets dropped with one punch and then powerslammed for two. Stan whips Vader into an avalanche on Kobashi, Stan gets two and complains to the ref. Stan keeps up the attack, but Kobashi hits him with a running neckbreaker drop and tags to Kobashi who is a houseo'far. Stan tosses him out, allowing Vader to beat him up on the floor. Vader tags and Release German's Punkiyama dead before Kobashi stomps on Vader's head a whole bunch. Vader with a short arm clothesline for two. Stan attempts a few pins, but can't get the win. Vader gets some great reactions with his punches in the corner on Akiyama who drop kicks Vader in the knee, tags to Kobashi who keeps up the work on Vader's knee. Kobashi with a back suplex on Vader before Stan beats down Kobashi. Vader with a splash for two. Stan sets up Kobashi for a Vader second rope splash which Akiyama tries to save Kobashi from before Stan knocks him out to the floor and Kobashi gets splashed. Stan and Vader decide to punk Akiyama on the floor to set up Kobashi. Stan throws in the dickish little kicks to the face. Stan attempts a powerbomb that has Kobashi fall on top of him. Kobashi tries to tag, but nobody's home. Kobashi gets Vader Attacked and back suplexed for two. Vader powerbombs Kobashi which Stan sort of spikes for two. Vader holds up Kobashi for Vader to lariat him as Punkiyama crawls his way up to the top rope. Vader tries to warn Stan to watch behind him, but Kobashi chops him away, Punkiyama hits Stan from behind into a Kobashi lariat for the win. Post match, Vader and Hansen make me proud to be an American by beating the crap out of them. USA! USA! USA! Post match interview Akiyama sounds like he's saying in a whiney voice "they beat my ass!" But I guess I'll never know.

Thoughts : It was pretty OK. I think Vader looked pretty respectable considering the panning I'd heard some people give his work over there. Stan... well... I wanna like Stan but he's looking really ready to start cashing in on those senior rates at the movies.

Misawa/Ogawa/Kakihara v. Kawada/Taue/Takayama - joined in progress, Kawada and Misawa are mixing it up, with Kawada getting the upper hand. Taue and Kaada throw high kicks a plenty on Misawa. Kakihara gets all kick happy on Kawada and then on Taue when he tries to save him. Kawada fights out of a cross armbreaker attempt to tag in Takahermanmunster. Kakihara kicks Takayama around a whole bunch, Ogawa gets in limited offense on Takayama before they he tags and they get off some nice double teaming on him and then Kawada when he comes in. Then, on All Japan Nitro we cut to a commercial. Takayama backdrops out of a double tiger driver attempt before eating a Kakihara kick, an Ogawa jaw breaker a Misawa elbow and the double Tiger Driver. He kicks out of the Tiger Driver, but Misawa drops him with an elbow for the win.

Thoughts : Hey, the right person took the loss. Post match Kakihara and Takayama have some sort of exchange. Why don't they push Kakihara damn it? WHY?!?!?!?!?
 

!@!@!@!@!@!@!@ HAMADA's UWF- 9/5/91; Yokohama, Japan
The early MUSIC AND SPORTS POWER CHANNEL Champ Forums had a very Public Access feel to it and it also had very late Eighties theme music (sounding sort of like Art of Noize swallowed by Godzilla). A little fella runs around in a Fishman mask and is all whimsical and shit.

El Felino/ Ricky Boy vs. Robin Hood/ Lasser:
Oh HELL! El Felino FEARLESSLY wears the most hideous outfit in the history of fashion- a sort of fanged monkeyboy mask with this pasty flesh-toned bodysuit with toupees taped to the shoulders. Ricky Boy has TRULY comical hair- sort of a male version of that evil woman with the skunk hair on Josie and the Pussycats; he also physically approximates a less sexy version of Mano Negro Sr.. Robin Hood and Lasser are dressed as Yakushiji's older, better uncles and they are all zippy and bouncy. This was SOOOO way before El Felino became one of the best wrestlers on the face of the earth so this wasn't like EMLL 1998 or anything. This was more of a template of what the Michinoku Pro opening comedy match would be two years later, with it being high on yuks and low on anything too great on the mat.

El Texano/ Shu El Guerrero/ Black Terry/ Jose Luis Feliciano vs. Ninja Turtles:
WAITTTTAAAMINIT. So your telling me that in 1991, Shu El Guerrerro was one of the coolest wrestlers in Lucha Libre? The first caida is a freakin Armdrag Clinic and the pace doesn't stop. El Texano and the random TRULY GREAT Ninja Turtle frickin rip it up Old School and this is ALREADY rockin me into the night. Feliciano (who I am guessing is an evil Puerto Rican or evil American because he has the dyed blond hair? Ah Mexico...) doesn't ruin anything either. WHO ARE the Ninja Turtles? They ALL rule. They are like the Power Raiders of yore. Segunda Caida starts with the rudos DRIVEN to mutual hatred by the evil welling up inside them. This is a very old school rudo caida and they bust up the barrel chested amphibians real bad and get the pin in a flash. The goofy triple team combo spots are heart-warming in their truly innocent evil. Tercera Caida is all highspotarific as the Turtles turn the terroroizing tide and totally terminate the turncoat toreadors by hitting cavalcade of nutty early nineties highspots. I was disappointed that the Ninja Turtles were a little early for the bizarro group pose after bouncing the rudos out ring trend because they seem primed for a jumpy bouncy sudden pose. And Shu El Guerrerro didn't yell at anyone with his Pierrothlike voice. FREAKY.

Yoshinari Asai/ Kendo/ La Pantera II vs. Canello Casas/ Ray Richard/ El Bucanero:
Hey! It's everybody before they took their SATs!! Rey Bucanero hadn't discovered the coolness of Gold Metallic as a mask color. Heavy Metal hadn't gotten stuck in an endless feud with the useless Sangre Chicano. Kendo was more than a couple of worn out comedy spots. Asai had both knees and both elbows and hadn't figured out that at somepoint in everyones life, well, people gotta die- so he doesn't give a crap about what he does to his body. Pantera looks EXACTLY THE SAME. The first caida is really cool as Pantera and Canello Casas decide to go all fast and flashy. They have the endless crossbody block section to set up the Kendo pin. I look at Yoshinari Asai and I weep inside because I am a wrestling fan and I want Ultimo to come back and wrestle and that probably won't happen. The second caida is the chance for a young Canello to be embarrassed by Kendo when Kendo does the little Kendo schtickt with the kip-ups and the little jump, AND THEN get SWEET retribution by getting the pin with a La Majistral on, well, Pantera- but poetic justice is poetic justice. Or something. Third caida, the future Ultimo Dragon goes Buckwild on the future Heavy Metal- kicking the hell out of him into the chairs and suplexing him onto the floor. Asai also hits a PHAT ASS plancha off the turnbuckle onto Ray Richard to be the harbinger of the Tope Con Hilo by Pantera and the Toprope Tope by Kendo (which was SO totally BOSS). UD kicks Rey Richards ass some more with a Quebrada and German into a bridge but HM breaks it up. Ref bump and foule later, you have the Classic Bad Lucha Ending. It's kinda endearing actually. Ultimo Dragon kicked ass. Postmatch he goes after Ray and yells for hair vs hair and the usual cool lucha posturing. Old School as a motherfucker.

El Gran Hamada/ Black Power vs. El Singo/ Monkey Magic Wakita:
Black Power has pants with those tassles that actually look cool. Yamakawa and Shima Nobunaga have them these days. He and MMW take it to the mat early. Monkey Magic is Super Delfin without the kick ass mask so he is slightly diminished once get over the vicarious thrill of seeing Super Delfin unmasked. El Singo has pants that match Black Power and he and Gran Hamada take it to the mat and IT RULED. It has the blinding velocity and weird patterning of what makes good lucha matwork so good. Hamada is only mid-sixties or something here so he REALLY rules it. Really good lucha matwork at it's utmost can look exactly like Merc Cambell wrestling in Pancrase. It's so freestyle and adheres to such a weird internal logic that only figure skaters or Appalachian cloggers can understand it fully, I would think. MMW and BP tend to just kind of wrestle. Hamada and El Signo get all trascendent with it. Hamada does a second rope plancha cartwheel senton thing to take himself and El Signgo out and Future Delfin hits a winning German Suplex into a Bridge for the win. This was all GOOD and stuff. MORE HAMADA's UWF IN DVDVR #90! WOO-HOO!

$%$%$%$%$%$%$ SABU: SMASHING TABLES
This is a tape from 1994 with Sabu matches from the Michigan and Ohio regions. The name of tape comes from the fact that this was the period of time when Mr. Clutch and Grab would smash tables for no good reason after his matches.

Sabu vs. Terry Funk (5/15/94 - Oriental Death Match):
An Oriental Death Match is a Death Match with the 30 second rest period before the 10 count. So essentially, you have 40 seconds to recover after a pinfall. The match is proceeded by a nice little Terry Funk interview where he talks about how he likes being called old and how won't be an embarrassment to the Funk name. Funk plays crazy man to start by randomly throwing things in the ring and hollering at the wind and anyone who will listen. As is with every Death Match, pinfalls come from the simplest things. Sabu gets a couple with single chair shots. Funk gets one after hitting Sabu with a coat. Sabu sneezes. Funk gets pinned. Meanwhile, the ring announcer just counts to hear himself count. And he can't count. He will start at 4 then stop. Then a minute later start at 7. I swear. All you hear is "3...4... (long pause) 1...8... (long pause) 3.14...2 1/2...R..." Funk and Sabu often walk out of the range of the camera so you have to guess what is going on. A table gets broken and gets put in the ring where Funk tries to piledrive Sabu onto it. He fucks up and ends up smashing his own back against the table. So the ref just counts to 10 with Sabu getting up at 9 1/2 and collapsing at 10. The ref hesitates for a few seconds then calls for the bell. Welcome to the World's Worst Death Match. Funk brawls with someone who I can't identify while being helped to the back. Meanwhile Sabu goes about his business of breaking a table.

Sabu vs. Al Snow (5/28/94):
It is Al Snow. And he is wrestling in a barn or something close to that. This is when he is at his best. The match is CLIPPED TO SHIT though. Which is probably a blessing since you know there was a ton of resting and general laziness. Snow does do a nice float-over DDT. The finishing sequence is nice as Sabu connects with a clean tope. He sets Snow up on the table. Sabu starts the Asai Moonsault which Snow sits up to avoid. Sabu's manager (who is not Paul E. Dangerously) hits Snow with a briefcase right as Sabu launches himself. Snow hits the table right as Sabu lands putting him through it. The timing of the whole thing played out pretty nicely. Sabu throws Snow into the ring and gets the pin. I am curious to know what else went on- but not that badly.

Sabu vs. Al Snow (7/23/94 - Ladder Match):
They are wrestling for the newly created National Independent Heavyweight Title (at least that is what the graphic at the beginning of the match tells me). It is joined in progress right as Snow is dragging the ladder into the ring. The ladder is one of them 15 foot ones which actually causes more trouble then it is worth. Since the ladder is so tall, it keeps getting caught in the ropes and potential cool bumps never happen. Snow bumps more in this match but nothing is really spectacular. I mean in '94 it must have ruled but watching it now there is nothing to get fired up over. The problem is that the match turns into standard Sabu fare with lots of down time between spots. Because we have to wait for Sabu to go build some more shit. You sit and wait for some transition wrestling but it isn't going to come and it is the most annoying thing in the world. It is entertaining to watch Sabu as the Man With No Depth Preception as he fumbles around for the belt. For the second time this tape, it is a Sabu match that the ending gets blown as Sabu gets his hands on the belt. Now from what I could gather, Snow is supposed to knock the ladder over and thus keep Sabu from winning the title. Well, Snow does his job. Sabu, however, forgets to let go of the belt. So he falls off the ladder with the belt. There is a whole lotta just standing around as everyone figures out what to do. Finally, the ref calls for the bell and Sabu wins. Now, I don't doubt he was supposed to win the title but based on the confusion at the end, I don't think it was supposed to be in that fashion. Oh well.

Sabu vs. Chris Benoit (8/5/94):
NEWSFLASH: BIG SURPRISE (STOP) BEST MATCH ON TAPE (STOP) WHY (STOP) CHRIS MOTHERFUCKING BENOIT (STOP) Man, who would have imagined that? I got all giddy when I saw the graphic for this match. Benoit beating the poop out of Sabu. And he does. You don't get to see it up close but you it happens. Stupid handheld. The camera is pretty far away. It is like when you were in college and you used to stare out your dorm room window across the quad into the hot girls room and you would squint real hard to see if you could make anything out. (Not that I would know about this personally. Scheinder informed me of people who took part in this transgression). Anyway, this match is great because it is wrestling and it has psychology and transitions and shit like that. Of course, it has Benoit suplexing Sabu over the top rope in the first three seconds also. Benoit then takes three unprotected chairshots to the head and then they get to the wrestling. Benoit starts breaking down Sabu working over his back and leg to keep him grounded. Benoit even busts out the Sharpshooter to continue to reenforce to theory that everyone who comes out of the Hart Family dungeon knows how to do that move. The other great thing about watching Benoit in 1994 is that he does all the moves you never see him use anymore, especially the guillotine leg drop and the powerbomb. Benoit goes for the kill by putting Sabu right on his head (hey get used to that one Sabu) with a Dragon Suplex and then hitting the diving headbutt. Sabu kicks out at 2 and rolls to floor. Sabu regains control as Benoit does a tope straight into a chair. And he takes it full force like the man he is. Sabu responses with a plancha on his own. For the most part, Sabu doesn't fuck up anything. He actually hits Air Sabu on the first try. Benoit avoids the second attempt and goes for the diving head butt again. Sabu blocks it with a chair and then hits the Arabian Facebuster for the pin. That was quite the good match. Could it have anything to do with Chris Benoit? I think so.

Sabu vs. The Tazmaniac (9/16/94 - Tazmanian Death Match):
Look it is Taz before he shortened his name and became chatty. He still ain't a good wrestler though. Paul E. does make his first appearance on this tape as Sabu's manager. Good for him. A Tazmanian Death Match is actually just a weapons match were fans had brought stuff with them. There is the normal crutch, baseball bat etc mixed in with the vacuum cleaner, VCR and box fan. Of course, the entire match is Sabu and Taz throwing this things at each other and missing. Or swinging things at each other and missing. ECW! ECW! ECW! When I finally woke back up, Sabu was getting the win. If you want to know more than you are a sad, sad person.
 

@#@#@#@#@ ALL JAPAN TV
(byPHIL SCHNEIDER)
Dynamite Kid/ Johnny Smith vs Jun Akyama/ Kikuchi:
This was clipped up, but it was kind of neat to see the young spunky Jun kicking ass in his first months in the sport. Dynamite was just on his way out as it looked like the years of recreational and pharmacological abuse were breaking his body up into little pieces. If you haven't read it already you need to get your hands on that Dynamite Kid interview that Powerslam did. You can truely see the scope of his sleazy British insanity, it is full of statements like "Then I set Greg Valentine's bed on fire as a lark" and "So I snuck up behind Raymond Rougeau and smacked him in the back of the head with a bag of nickels." It is a real look into the twisted mind of one of the great workers of the 1980's

Kendall Windham/ Johnny Ace vs. Steve Williams/ Terry Gordy:
The apex of Baba's infatuation with tall Texans comes right here as Terry Gordy has to sell for the emiciated pre-prison Kendall Windham. In Sympathy, Dr. Death kills the Dynamic Dudish Johnny Ace dead with a Doctor Bomb on the floor.

Akira Taue vs. Big Bossman:
This was billed as a " Special Match", which gave off the same vibe as those "Fan Favorite" matches on old Coliseum Home Videos (Like we are supposed to believe a fan requested the Bevelery Brothers and the Genius v. Earthquake + Typhoon + Hacksaw Duggan). Taue was reaaal bad back then, and Ray Traylor was at his fattest. Not as horrible as its WAR like match making style might suggest, as the future Guardian Angel puts some sting behind his innumerable uppercuts, and seemed to try really hard. Taue didn't try though and you can't make a silk purse out of two lazy turds trying to wrestle. Taue with the worlds most diffident chokeslam

Kenta Kobashi vs Stan Hansen:
This match was before Stan finally gave up the ghost, and Kobashi buffeted and no-sold his way into my shithouse. Stan must really hate KFC Kobashi because he always beats the fucking crap out of Kenta. Kenta doesn't no sell a thing here, probably because he was afraid Stan would just grab his head and rip it off his shoulders and then beat a ring attendant with it. The funnest thing about this match was that Stan got all highflying, with a Stan Mysterio Jr. big splash off the ring apron, and a second rope Great Stansuke shoulder block. My single favorite moment of the match was Kenta fearlessly diving into Stans boot, breaking his eyesocket, which Stan isn't afraid to then punch him in. The end was cool, with Kenta going for his moonsault and Stan giving him the lariet from hell knocking off the top rope. You should mug your Grandma and slap yo mamma to get the money to send to Jeff Lynch for this match, BRUDDA.
 

%^%^%^%^%^% ALL JAPAN WOMEN-Athena, aired 11/29 (the Jd' Junior All-Star Battle from11/ 10/1998 Korakuen Hall sections).
(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)
I love All Japan Women. The show has what looks like ANOTHER jillion dollar computer generated opening sequence. Five or six new analysts are also added this week. It reminds me of me when I was in college, "ah well, not enough money for rent, I guess I'll buy beer with it then."

Mika Akino vs ZAP Isozaki:
Mika Akino is the definition of spunky. The youngest of the ZAP gets in a good kick to the chin. Akino does a neat thing running up the ropes and gets a neato Cross-Armbreaker on ZAPcito. CLIPPED! CLIPPED! CLIPPED!

Miho Watabe vs Sachie Nishibori:
Watabe is the 40 pound LLPW youngster and she's cute as a bug in a rug. Nishibori is the OTHER wrestler in IWA Restart and she isn't EMI~! but hell, who is? This is forty five seconds of hot wrestling action! EDITING!

Kayoko Haruyama/ Seiko Kuragaki vs Momoe Nakanishi/ Miyuki Fujii:
God, this must have really sucked because it has Momoe Nakanishi and this is clipped to about forty seconds. Actually that's a good thing because I can't tell Haruyama apart from Kuragaki so ATHENA does me a favor.

Megumi Yabushita/ Nanako Kanda/ Hiroyo Muto vs Megumi Sato/ Yuka Nakamura/ Mika Harigae:
Even SHORTER! Judo Girl!

Emi Motokawa vs Obacchi Iizuka:
This is really great for all the weird reasons. EMI~! has gone from being the strange unfortunately dressed little gal from the freakshow called IWA to being one of the better young wrestlers around the scene. Obacchi is currently an unknown quantity in the ring as a wrestler but she does have the goofiest gimmick in the history of Puroresu so I'm all over it. The entrances were spectacular- with Obacchi riding a Schwinn to the ring as she is bedecked in her Kitchen Help garb and- the piece de resistance- the Stockard Channing wig WITH THE PINK CURLER! I FELL OUT! This match was cool from what they showed. EMI~! does a tope to NOWHERE. Obacchi hits her in the head with an ear of corn, tries to run her over with a bike, and blinds young EMI~! with a bag of cornstarch. EMI~! kills the hell out of her with a Firebird Splash- called the Nyan Nyan for obvious reasons- after hitting a PERFECT AWA Elbow. I loved this.

Rina Ishii/ Sakura Hirota vs Fang Suzuki/ Hechisera:
HEYY! I knew this Rina Ishii gal was gonna be good and she is really good in this- hitting a SWANK Phatass Senton. Hirota is surprisingly good in this also- doing a truly cosmically unlikely Standing Lucha Submission that I was loving to the utmost. Eternal Jd' gal who I couldn't pick out of a line up and FMWish Shark Tsuchiya-larvae do some hip and stylish choreography after using combo Kung Fu moves. This seemed like a neat little affair with Hirota hitting a NICE Straightjacket German Suplex for the win. Hechisera is growing on me and Ishii is looking to break out.

Nanae Takahashi/ Maiko Matsumoto/ Erika Watanabe vs Momoe Nakanishi/ Megumi Yabushita/ Tomiko Sai:
BOY! This was edited with a hammer and a dull butterknife. Golly, where has Maiko Matsumoto been? She and Nanae make a good tag team it looked like. Nanae and Maiko go all highflying which has to scare the living hell out of the tiny gals they are up against since Maiko and Nanae are pretty portly youngsters. Momoe Nakanishi is in this one too and she does get in a REAL GREAT German Suplex where she does the LITTLE things like getting a Manami Toyota-styled full-extension to throw her opponent as high as she can get her before hitting the mat hard. Momoe gets busted up bad by Nanae as she hits some kind of hideous Powerbomb variation that was the coolest thing I've seen or the sloppiest thing I've seen in a while. I await the Commercial tape with all this stuff on it.

Yuko Kosugi/ Sumie Sakai vs Miho Wakizawa/ Kayo Noumi
HEY! It's Kosugi and Sakai- the saving grace of the Jd' punkins (of course Sakai is- what?- 27 now.) vs the spiffy youngsters from AJW in a really good wrestling match. Kosugi- in a last minute fashion decision- opts for a hideous pink dress from the Eagle Sawai collection. Kayo Noumi looks to be fifteen years old but- golly!- all four of these little gals are good. I see that eventhough Wakizawa is REALLY in need of a few sammiches to beef her up some, she is nevertheless the toughest woman in All Japan Women under the age of twenty- because Kosugi goes all Jaguar Yokota on her- hitting a Toprope to The Floor Double Stomp To The Stomach and also hit my favorite variation on an old move- The Knee to The Face From the Toprope Driving It Into The Ground With All Your Weight. I've seen that done where one person drives his knee into the BACK of someone's head driving it into the ground, but face-first looks a WHOLE lot hurtier. Noumi and Wakazawa do a lot of highflying in the AJW tradition and I see a lot of potential in these youngsters. Sakai goes all highflying, doing a lot of Hikari Fukuoka Lite and a couple nifty quebradas and what have you. Sakai is developing quite the wide array of bitchin moves. Speaking of which, Kosugi hits the bitchin Fisherman Buster that murderalizes the mortal remains of Wakizawa. Once again, I await the Commercial tape and so should you.

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######## ever fall in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with SINGLES GOING
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########## Manabu Nakanishi/ Yuji Nagata vs Hiroshi Tenzan/ Kojima; NEW JAPAN, 12/5/98:
(RASMUSSEN)- I was watching this with Hangman Tim and I made a comment that this was actually a showcase of the Next Big Four in New Japan and then I realized that Nakanishi was in this. Tim laughed his heartless laugh at my faux pas. I was suitably taken aback by my lack judgement AND THEN I realized: WHO KNOWS what will become of Nakanishi? He could be the next Amazing Late-Bloomer in the Akira Taue mold! Maybe he will never reach his physical potential and will get all lethargic but will still be seen as a major draw like Lex Luger or Kensuke Sasaki. Then you see him in the ring and you go- "hmmm, maybe a slightly less awkward version of Mongo?" I dunno. Only time can tell. Anyway, the REAL Big Three of Tomorrow rock like a hurricane in this momma. Tenzan and Kojima are a great budding tagteam and they are filled with hellish hate for all. Yuji Nagata has deeply gotten back into Puroresu shape after his foray into learning the lessons of the United States: Cheap Heat, Xenophobia and Laziness seems to be rewarded in US wrestling. Actually, I Îm being a dork. The feud with Ultimo Dragon taught him more than ANYTHING and he wouldn't have been able to wrestle UD in Japan at that point of his Heavyweightness. Maybe that journey into the darkest part of Sonny Onoville had an upside. Anyway, Nagata is wrestling like a motherfucker now and he's the one bringing the finesse to the heavyweight division- a division that I'm digging more and more, but one that is built on brutality and power and one that is deeply in need of the grace and precision of Nagata. Tenzan and Kojima crush him like a bug though and this baby ends and I look forward to a bright New Japan future.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Antonio Inoki vs. Masa Saito -Island Death Match: NEW JAPAN: (REVRAY)- This is short version of the match, so that means it only goes on for 5 years. Here's the premise. Saito and Inoki are put on an island and they fight... They've got a ring and torches and tents set up. Every now and then you see helicoptors and boats go by in the background. That is the end of the interesting things about this match. Dear lord this is BORING. The fast forward button was invented for matches such as this... and even if fast forward it's boring! There are virtually no bumps taken outside the ring, at least, none of note. They tease that they're going to throw someone into a torch, but it gets knocked over. If you want to see two guys roll around in the grass, this is the match for you. Hey, Saito bleeds! Inoki bleeds! Saito uses a piece of wood! Welcome to hell! Of note, Ohya of FMW fame is on the island to help Inoki from the ring. It maybe him, it may not be him, but since this match was so terrible, if it is him, he is the highlight of the match. In the time that this match took place, DEAN's daughter got married and raised a family. Avoid at all costs unless you really want to punish yourself.
@@@@@@@@@@ El Samurai/ Jushin Thunder Liger vs Takaiwa/ Koji Kanemoto, NEW JAPAN, 12/5/98: (RASMUSSEN)- Kanemoto shows more signs of lusting to be a luchadore as he seems to be more into high-flying these days than beating people's asses so much. He does the absolutely Fuerza Guerrera-esque macking on the laadies Hurricanrana out of the corner and is all Rana-and-freaky-Senton-maddened the whole time. Liger carries the load called Takaiwa and El Sammy whips out the Funtabulous Reverse Brainbuster (a possible Michinoku Driver NUMBER ONE, I Believe!!) Takaiwa sells almost everything and stays out of the way. Liger really kills the fuck out of Kanemoto with the TRULY SWANK Overrotated released German Suplex. Liger Kills Kanemoto Dead with the Hardest Powerbomb In Allll Of Funkytown- which Sammy follows up with the aforementioned Reverse Brainbuster. Takaiwa no-sells a plancha from Liger and lariats El to set up Koji's Tiger Suplex and we call it a match. Very spot heavy and they blow a couple of things but better than most everything else you'll probably see.

NEXT WEEK: MICHINOKU PRO! GAEA! GAEA! GAEA! MORE INDIE WORLD WITH ASIAN COUGAR AND TAKA TAGGING!!! WHIP ASS! OGAWA GORES HASHIMOTO!!

The Death Valley Playboyz.