Welcome to DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #67!

I, being a quasi-state employee here at the fabulous Commonwealth of Virginia, have the day off so I figured I'd piece together the shards of brilliance that Phil and Ray sent me with my own yammering on the totally GOD-LIKE tape contributions of Glenn to the cause to play catch up before next week (or so)'s TOTAL LUCHA WHOMPATHON! DIG IT! DIG IT THE MOST! I'm a do the Super Great WAR tapes that Phil sent me (he did not tell me who HE got them from) and share with Ray the Glenn tape goodness of recent times and Ray is also sharing his enamoring (or something) of the Calgary tapes that HESH sent me and I then sent to the Rev. But First, I word from the young Phil about a tape on the wild and wacky world of Extreme Championship Wrestling. Phil...

@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@ ECW TV October 96
(by PHIL SCHNEIDER)
I just grabbed a tape at random, and it turned out to be this; WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?

Johnny Smith vs. TAZ - Submission Match
Johnny Smith is a really good wrestler, I mean really good, as he pulls something resembling a wrestling match out of the human shitsack machine- TAZ. This wasn't shootstyle or anything but a basic pro-style match with both guys going for submissions. They started with some mirror moves and then the old, "each guys challenges the other to an amature wrestling match until the heel kicks you" thing, which I sort of like, for some reason. The meat of the match had Johnny Smith doing a lot of cool Gene Anderson arm things, and then going for arm submissions. TAZ would occasionally slip on a sort of cool looking submission out of nowhere- that is one of the big problems with TAZ, he can't string anything together, he just does something, and then he will do something else and there is no real continuity; this is really glaring in this match because Johnny Smith is so great at that kind of thing. TAZ hit one mediocre Ocean Cyclone Suplex into the TAZmission, then TAZ told us What-For like only he can. The match was pretty good because Johnny Smith was on offense most of the time and TAZ kind of sold. However, TAZ is such a shitty wrestler that a good TAZ match is like a good Meng match, you kind of say "Well, that didn't make me puke" and leave it that.

Shane Douglas vs. Pitbull 2
These two had one of the worst match of all time at Barely Tolerable. This didn't suck as much, but still really sucked. Pitbull 2 did a nice press slam into a tombstone. They had a bunch of run in's and shit and powder got thrown. Then Shane does the one arm DDT and slaps Pitbull 2 in a full nelson. Then Pitbull 1 got in his face and he shook his halo and did a big shoot angle thing that wasn't so badly done, and actually got Shane a bit of heel heat, which they killed later by extending this angle for like a zillion years. Not actually a good match but no where near the debacle at the PPV.

Chris Jericho vs. 2 Cold Scorpio
This was real great. Super fast, intricate, long, highflying and cool. Losing Scorpio was a huge blow to ECW, maybe more then anyone else they lost. He could have world class matches with other great workers, and drag erratic workers like Sabu and Shane Douglas to great things. This match had barrels of cool stuff- including a bitchen Exploder and a great handspring flip kick by 2 Cold. The other real cool thing about this match that it had a storyline with 2 Cold slowing the match down to counter Jericho's speed. This was gotten over by Joey Styles' commentary- which is something most commentators are too busy talking about Sting and Kane to bother doing. Parts of this were sort of sloppy and Jericho tried that super weak looking twisting plancha and that kept it from really reaching MOTY status, but this went 20 minutes and they showed all of it- which is the real great thing about ECW TV, if they got their shit together and had a real kickass long match they will show you every second of it.

2 Cold Scorpio vs. Sandman
Hey remember how great I just said Scorpio was, Sandman sucks just as much and his tidal wave of suck overtakes and capsizes the good ship Scorpio. Sandman is only capable of working a super garbage style and Scorpio can't really work that legitimately, so this match was flawed from the beginning. Sandman does a top rope hurricanrana totally killing that moves credibility forever. Then Sandman got all blown up, and just covered Scorpio after a missed twisting leg drop in like six minutes. This was a main event and the fat load couldn't even go ten minutes without utterly blowing up, this was Scorpio's only world title shot in all the years he was in, and he deserved better then what that wino gave him. The Sandman actually has had good matches against Cactus Jack and Mikey Whipwreck but at this point- and even more so now- he is just too drunk, too fat and too sloppy to have any place in wrestling, much less as a champion. Then they do some more of the Tyler angle which I didn't dislike for the whole child abuse thing. I disliked it because it was just a pale shadow of the whole "Iceman King Parsons renames Chris Adams son Jamal" angle from Memphis, plus the Iceman is ten times the worker Sandman is.

@#@#@#@#@#@ WAR COMMERCIAL TAPE 7/20/96
This is the first day of the two day celebration of WAR's fourth anniversary and they celebrate with a bizarro six-man tournament featuring every unpushed quality to okay worker in Japan- both indie and New Japan. It broke up the rounds with Junior Heavyweight matches- which is the reason you get these tapes. Come for the Junior Heavyweight Matches! Stay for the Pie! THE PIE!.

Ricky Fuyuki/Gedo /Jado vs. Kazuo Yamazaki/Takayuki Iizuka/Osamu Kido
This is fun just for the simple fact of Yamazaki kicking the shit out of Fuyuki. Fuyuki and his boys are so seedy and crappy that they always make me watch just so I can see wrestlers I like beat the everlovin >>POO<< out of them. Yamazaki puts the boots to super chub Fuyuki well enough that I didn't even mind the crappy, gone-to-seed trio going over the amazingly more talented Iizuka and Yamazaki. And I still couldn't pick out Kido from a crowd of Japanese wrestlers even if you put a tee shirt on him that said "I'M KIDO, DEAN!" and then set it on fire (not for second am I saying that you should!).

Riki Choshu/Satoshi Kojima/Osamu Nishimura vs. Yoji Anjo /Yoshihiro Takayama / 200% Machine
Okay. So I'm starting to understand the whole Anjo thing now that it's too late. (HEY! He lasted four whole minutes with the load called Tank Abbott! What a shooter!) Anjoh is 200% pro style and the fact that he and Choshu had such a good match together in this explains a lot. Takayama also looked better-than-usual while in with Choshu thus proving that he might have had a future in reglar Pro Style back then. Kojima looks really great in this, beating the piss out these pseudo-shooter choads.

John Tenta/Arashi/Osamu Taitoko vs. Koji Kitao/Tatsumi Kitahara/Masaaki Mochizuki
What will John Tenta do now? WAR was his last refuge. This was actually really good in the non-Tenta/Kitoa parts. The story is that all that LEGIT HEAT IN THE BACK between Kitoa and Tenta from the match they had way back when where Kitoa broke kayfabe and got all fired (see the faq) and stuff and the depression made Kitoa eat four pork roasts a day and turned him into the Dusty-like load that he is now and it's now coming all coming to a head and they are gonna get to the end of it right now. This part leads to a bunch of crappy wrestling between Tenta and Kitoa (maybe I should just say- "This lead to a bunch wrestling between Tenta and Kitoa." See they AREN'T REAL GOOD! GET IT?!? GET IT!? Oh...) The meat of this baby (so to speak) is Mochizuki and the incredibly awesome Tatsumi Kitahara (whipping ass at a New Japan Ring near you very soon) as they beat the holy crud out of the less repulsive Arashi and the oddly shaped (round, lumpy, disproportionate) and very Tenryu-like Osamu Taitoko. Kitahara can be freakin great sometimes as he combines Stiff-Enough-To-Kill-The-Entire-nWo kicks with masterful psychology and knowledge of pro style to combine into a sort of Shinya Hashimoto Lite. He doesn't do mountains of cool stuff in this match, but he keeps it from degenerating into "Koji and John- a hate story" so I was appreciating his contributions. The story does kinda take over as Tenta no-sells Mochizuki to throw him at the Kitoa corner to force Koji to into the ring to get the stinky aspects back to the forefront. Tenta pins Mochizuki to irritate me- but it goes with the story that has developed between these two fat guys; as they decide to have a little angle that no sane promotion would ever contemplate running. Welcome the Weirdness that was WAR.

Nobuhiko Takada/Naoki Sano/Masahito Kakihara vs. Tenyru/Tatsumi Fujinami/Araya
HEY! HEY! Takada and Kakihara in with Tenryu and Fujinami years- after the fact. Araya takes a shot at taking it to the mat with Sano with limited success (hell, it's Sano in 1996. Whaddya want?) He tries to go the mat with Kakihara but Kakihara tells him to piss up a rope and to go send an actual man in. Fujinami was looking ancient as hell two years ago, why is Koshinaka putting him over today?

Lance Storm/Yuji Yasuraoka vs. Jushin Liger/El Samurai for the vaunted War International Jr. Tag Team Title
This was pretty fucking beautiful as El and Liger come in and act as like total invader buttholes. Storm and Yuji work well with Liger and El and stay in the slightly more high-flying style of WAR Junior style- which was more highflying to the floor than the dangerous finisher style that Liger was just starting to push in New Japan at the time- though WAR never was as highspot intensive as Michinoku Pro. You can possibly trace the three branches of Japanese Junior style developement in the Nineties down to three men: Jushin Thunder Liger- who pushed for a more puroresu, less lucha
style, Dick Togo- who pushed Michinoku Pro towards a more Lucha style, and Ultimo Dragon- who got the perfect mixture but didn't have the Super Ass-stomping wrestlers or exposure to get the style across back then. Notice that WCW has all three elements- Liger-(Eddy, Malenko, Rey through Eddy), Dick Togo (through the actually pure Lucha of Lizmark Jr, SilverKing, and Super Calo) and the UD contingent (Jericho, UD himself, Juventud) thus giving it have the potential to be the most varied division stylistically. The next move would be to sign Yasuraoka and Lance Storm.

Ricky Fuyuki / Gedo / Jado vs. Riki Choshu / Satoshi Kojima / Osamu Nishimura
Let the irritation begin as NOBODY beats the hell out of the hideous trio enough to justify Nishimura putting Fuyuki's fat ass over.

Nobuhiko Takada/Naoki Sano/Masahito Kakihara vs. John Tenta/Arashi/Osamu Taitoko
The fact that they booked the Kitoa/Tenta debacle the way that they did hurts them the most in this match- as Kitahara and Mochizuki don't get to mix it up with Takada and Kitahara,-which would have made for a great deal kicking RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE, which I love. I can't speak for you, gentle reader. God knows, it would have been more entertaining than Tenta, Arashi and Taitoko getting beaten all to hell in this clashing of styles. Usually in WAR, these stylistic clashes are good and make for bizarro good matches. This is the one that didn't happen. And it sucked. And stuff.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Rey Misterio Jr. (WWA Welterweight Title Match)
This was basically these two going at it on a longer match on Thunder except Juventud is wearing a cooler mask than now and Juventud hits a SWANK Dragon Suplex- which he doesn't do these days for whatever reason. Rey hits a lot of stuff he doesn't bother with anymore- as it seemed that this was back when Rey had to do EVERYTHING from a springboard. This is a good match to compare to the matches Rey has had since then. These are more highspot intensive but less psychologically sound- this was the time when he REALLY started getting rock solid psychologically. And Juventud rules the fucking earth as usual.

Nobuhiko Takada / Naoki Sano / Masahito Kakihara vs. Ricky Fuyuki / Gedo / Jado:
Kakihara and Takada beat the hell out of the Trifecta of Fun-Filled Sleaze that is Team Fuyuki to such a degree that I start to feel sorry for these choades. The fact that Team Takada goes over helps out. There is whole lot of pummeling of Gedo and Jado for those of you looking for a real psychotically sick release. Like me. Oh yeahhhhhhhh... sweet Takada......

%^%^%^%^%^ WAR Commercial Tape 7/21/96
This tape is day two of the Fourth Anniversary so it's basically the same folks whooping up on different people.

Naoki Sano/Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Nobukazu Hirai/Osamu Taitoko
I guess they booked the rest of the card and realized that these four were in the back eating all the donuts, so they slapped this together. UFC boy Sakuraba mixing it up with the lumpy, lovable, and not-exactly talented Taitoiko is worth the price of admission alone. Sakuraba is a sport and sells for the august WAR heavyweights. Sano is all out of excuses by this point in his career.

Michiyoshi Ohara vs. Nobutaka Araya
Hey, it's Ohara (the bald guy from Thunder that time. He was in the Steiners/Traylor vs Gedo/Black Cat/ Ohara match up.) up against the Man Called Araya- the quasi-talented Tenryu protege. Araya hits a nice moonsault. Yep. I think he's gonna be New Japan too. Oh well, maybe they can do something with him. He's definately not the sure bet that Kitahara is gonna be.

Arashi vs. John Tenta
More ANGLEMANIA for John Tenta. Here, he has to face his partner from last night; the partner who was instrumental in avenging Tenta against Kitoa. Arashi actually  doesn't stink like he used to. He's not great or anything, but he's actually pretty okay in this- getting the win with an impressive Love Machine Splash. Then it gets even more Angle-ridden as Kitoa raises Arashi's hand in victory, showing that Tenta has been had by Kitao and has turned his partner against him. This would have been REAL compelling if it wasn't John Tenta and Koji Kitao. Since it was, it kinda gets into a whole different realm of a sort of a pathetic version of compelling. I feel for Tenta despite myself. Hell, he threw a dropkick and everything.

Ultimo Dragon/Rey Misterio, Jr./Lance Storm/Yuji Yasuraoka vs. Jushin Liger/Gedo/Chris Jericho/Juventud Guerrera
This whipped ass like you thought it would. Liger continues to be New Japan Bastard Fuckhead Invader Butthole as he takes it to UD and the boys in the heel fashion and you can tell Liger is having LOADS of fun with it. The work is excellent with Juventud stealing the show by being the human bump-machine. Rey waits a while and then goes hogwild at the end- getting all high-flying and shit after a rough spot in the middle where he blows a few things (with Liger no less). Yasaraoka and Liger then go at it and it's also pretty swank as they hit a lot of power moves that Yuji is quite proficient at hitting (see the Ohihara match from 1997). Ultimo Dragon, Gedo and Storm kinda lend support and don't really do anything too spectacular. This is really a pretty choice match, though it was basically a souped up tag match.

Jado vs. Yoshihiro Takayama
Thoroughly horrible except for the fact that lowly Jado goes over Takayama, of all people. This ain't good. But I laughed a hideous laugh of knowing.

Tatsumi Fujinami /Shiro Koshinaka vs. Nobuhiko Takada/Hiromitsu Kanehara
Kanehara is the bomb in Kingdom (or wherever hell those guys are this week). This match, being two years ago, has the young Kanemura not nearly as big and insane as he is now and Koshinaka and Fujinami weren't up for the beating that Kanehara can dish out so this was less than it might have been. This was still great because Takada and Koshinaka are gonna make it great. I was just so stoked about Kanehara and he didn't realy do all that much in this match because they decided to go super Pro Style and Kanehara is suddenly a fish out of water. Still worth watching though.

Tatsumi Kitahara vs. Masahito Kakihara
This match was the best of either tapes. Tatsumi Kitahara is such a rock solid wrestler and he pulls this match off like a champ- as this combined- to the utmost- Kitahara's quasi-shootstyle leanings with whatever Pro Style knowledge Kakihara has to create a truly nice hybrid style match- a sort of BattlArts to the nth degree. Kakihara goes all Pro Style- psychologically- working on Kitahara's leg and flying into a knee bar a few times. Kitahara mounts a comeback by hitting his own impressive arsenal of stiff kicks after selling a large amount of punishment and starts taking shots at Kakihara's
head, thus getting himself back into the fray. The ending is the coolest as Kitahara counters a head kick by Kakihara by kicking out the other leg from under him and getting an anklelock- as the stiffness of this match doubled by the second. This match is about as cool as it gets in WAR and it pretty much showed the strong points of the promotion- adaptibility to create a multi-stylistically great match. This was absolutely gorgeous.

Tenyru vs. Yoji Anjo
I remember being baffled by how good Tenryu vs the Great Muta when they had their big match last year. I mean if anything should have had me running in the streets pulling my hair out, that would be it. But it was actually good. I figured that it was a fluke and it would never happen again. THEN. Phil sent this tape. With this main event on it. And it fucking RULES. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?!? I really HATE Anjo. I'm really TIRED of Tenryu. HOW IS THIS GOOD?!?! Does Tenryu just bring out the best in some people because I was figuring on total crap. Instead we get a whole story and psychology and another cool compromise of styles as these two decide to be dicks to each other in two different ways. I stand with mouth agape, amazed at the weirdness that was WAR. GET ALL THIS.

@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@ STAMPEDE WRESTLING-High Flyers of Stampede
(by REV. RAY DUFFY)
Ed Whalen hosts. Whalen kind of rambles on like your grand parents. He's good for some good absurd lines throughout the tapes. All the matches are joined in progress.

Dynamite Kid vs. Great Gama
Dynamite's working as the baby face and there's not a whole lot of flying in the match. Mostly brawling and mat work with Dynamite pulling out a top rope drop kick, which is pretty damn cool. Dynamite throws Gama to the floor and runs him into the table, then chairs Gama. Earning a yellow card. Stampede wrestling was TRULY HYBRID WRESTLING! Soccer and Wrestling! Gama goes for a tombstone, but Dynamite flips over and hits a tombstone of his own. Gama hung in the tree of woe and Dynamite stompas away at him. Leo Burke runs in to earn a DQ.

Dynamite Kid vs. Cobra
Cobra misses a jumping knee into the corner, Dynamite starts working the leg. Dynamite hits a nice back suplex. You can definitely tell how much of a fan Benoit is of him. Cobra hits a turn around body press and is control for a while. Ends up missing a second rope senton, Dynamite answers with a top rope drop kick. Cobra gets in control, hits a piledriver for a two, a gutwrench for two, a double underhook for two. JR Foley, Dynamite's manager, attack's Cobra's Manager, throws something into his face, trips Cobra as he suplexes Dynamite in so he falls on top.

Cobra vs. Davey Boy Smith
Davey hasn't set the juice loose yet and looks like an average sized wrestler. Again, aside from a couple of a backflips, there's not much flying in the match. Cobra misses a off the second rope splash, Davey does the half hour suplex. Davey actually hits a good running powerslam. But Cobra is in the ropes. Davey ties him up and goes for a drop kick, but cobra moves and Davey crotches himself. Cobra gets in control, but Davey gets him with a crucifix.

Robbie Stewart vs. Great Gama
The flying in the match is Gama running away from Stewart a lot. Larry Zybzco didn't stall this much. Gama with the Cobra after some manager interference.

Phil LaFluer vs. Rotten Ronnie Starr
LaFleur is Phil LaFon/Dan Kroffat. The referee takes a bump as Starr pounds on Phil in the corner. Hey, here's a surprise, someone runs in.... Gama tries to throw a fireball at Phil LaFleur, but Cobra hits him so Gama fireballs himself. Aside from a missed second rope headbutt by Phil, no high flying... I'm starting to see a pattern....

Chris Benoit vs. Great Gama
Benoit in control. Gama tries to DQ himself by diving over the top rope. But Wayne Hart restarts the match. Gama jumps Chris as the match restarts and gets in control. Gama gets motivated to make the tape look legit by hitting a top rope knee drop. Gama puts on the cobra, Benoit punches out, runs into the cobra sleeper again. Chris escapes, puts on a bad looking sleeper, Gama low blows out, full nelsons Chris so Johnny Smith can try to throw powder into his face. Johnny misses, Gama gets pinned. Faces come out to celbrate with Chris. Check it out! Steve DiSalvo!

Keichi Yamada vs. the Cuban Assassin
Whalen points out that Yamada is now Jushin Thunder Lyger. Assassin is not Fidel Sierra (I don't think). He's a much larger guy with a a long beard and black hair. Assassin plays hide the object. Ed talks about Yamada's "Stick-to-tivness". Yamada run into the table, Ed wonders why everyone is run into the table tonight. Maybe it's you Ed. Yamada takes a whipping for a while, gets in control and hits a real nice top rope drop kick. Yamada with a top rope splash, but Champagne Jerry Morrow puts his foot on the ropes. Yamada goes for a pescado, Morrow pushes CA out of the way, then runs Yamada into the post so he gets counted out. Ed's thoughts : "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, a gross miscarriage of Justice!" You know, I'm sure there were better matches than this of Yamada's to show.

Great Gama vs. Hiroshi Hase
Gama runs Hase into the post by Ed. Ed tells Hase to hang in there, then justifies his cheerleading. He says that actions the evil Karachi Vice borders on the criminally INSANE! Gama works on Hase's ribs a lot. Gama goes up top and Hase superplexes him. Hase hits a nice hook kick, a non-bridged Northern lights suplex and a somersault senton. Hase goes into suplex machine mode. Hase gets in control and the ultra-stealthy Muckahn Singh hits Hase with the Karachi Crunch as the manager distracts the ref. Gama goes for the cobra, Brian Pillman runs in for the save, the Vice beat on Hase and Pillman until Bruce Hart makes the save.

Brian Pillman vs. Garfield Portz
Garfield controls most of the match. Brian hits a nice drop kick, a flying headbutt, a tombstone and then a nice top rope splash. Hey, here's a surprise. A Run In! Gama attacks Brian.

In ring angle with Diana Hart-Smith and Johnny Smith. Johnny joins Karachi Vice, Johnny says he wishes that Davey never married her. Johnny does the "What about me!"angle. Owen comes out to confront Johnny. The jaw with each other and the ultra-stealthy Muckahn Singh to attack Owen. This leads to...

Owen Hart vs. Johnny Smith
Owen does the reversal of the tombstone, Sighn proves to be not so stealthy as he comes down to ringside and Owen dives onto him off the top rope. Muckahn ends up posting Owen and throws him back into Johnny. Johnny dominates, gets two with a running powerslam. Owen gets in control, gets Johnny in the boston crab, Muchkan on the apron, Johnny
rolls up owen, but owen reverse and gets the 3.

OK, I've learned this. The high flyers of Calgary got run in on a lot and did about 1 high spot a match... I'm sure there were better examples than the ones given in the tape. Cuban Assassin v. YAMADA? That's the best they could come up with?

^%^%^%^% STAMPEDE WRESTLING- CALGARY EPIC BATTLES
(by REV. RAY DUFFY)
Davey Boy Smith vs. Dynamite Kid
Damn, this is old. This was way before they discovered better life through chemicals. Davey is down right skinny. Screwjob ending where Davey pins Dynamite with a crucifix. Dynamite hits the ref from behind and claims it was Davey Boy. Ref DQ's him. Whalen on Referee Alexander Scott "never liked him, never liked him"

Dynamite Kid vs. Bruce Hart
Described as one of the most contraversial finishes in Stampede history. Gee, a screwjob on the best of tapes? Dynamite's manger, JR Foley posts bruce. Bruce scores a pin with a necktie clothesline to even the 2 out of 3 falls match up. Dynamite starts bleeding hardway from the nose after a Bruce knee drop. Dynamite misses his diving headbutt, Bruce then misses a second rope knee drop. Ref bump, Dynamite's leg is under the ropes, but the NWA ref makes the count. Scott tells the ref about it and the match is restarted. Dynamite with a back suplex and a clean pin. Don't see the great contraversey. Bruce beats up Scott afterwards.

Bret Hart vs. Bad News Allen
Bret's real young in this, Allen's manager is handcuffed to Bruce hart at ringside. The match for the most part a brawl with Bret throwing in a move here and there. Match ends with a no-contest. Whalen calls Bad News "the Original Ultimate Warrior". What's that beer bellied share cropper on?

Bret Hart vs. Davey Boy Smith
Davey found his vitamin S, but is not at ridiculous size yet. Bret's working heel in his Hart Foundation outfit. Bret nails him with a chain and Davey does a juice job. Bret is DQed for using the object when Dynamite points it out to the ref. If you used to get the WWF house shows like I used to from MSG, this was your standard Heel Bret in Hart Foundation mode v. Davey Boy Smith in British Bulldogs mode.

Keith/Bruce/Bret/Davey/Mr. Hito vs. Dynamite/Gama/Duke Myer/ Danny Davis/Hubert Gallan. Elimination match
Match comes down to Davey/Bret against Duke/Gama/Dynamite. Bret throws out Gama, Davey and Bret start pounding on Duke and Dynamite, who decide to run away. Owen is called the "man of 1001 holds" by Ed.

Owen Hart vs. Dynamite Kid in a streetfight
Owen piledrives Dynamite on the floor. both guys busted open. Johnny Smith runs in after a ref bump. John with a tombstone on Owen. Owen kicks out at two. Kid kicks out of a top rope elbow. Johnny runs in again and accidentally knocks out Dynamite with knucks. Owen gets the win.

Owen Hart vs. Bad News Allen
End has Muckhan Singh run in, Owen jumps on him, Allen takes out the ref and the baddies beat up Owen.

Archie "The Stomper" Gouldie vs. Bad News Allen leads to a strap match.
Angle is built where Bad News takes out Archie's son, Archie swears vengence. Gouldie v. Allen Strap match : most of the match is Allen running away. Whalen pulls for the Stomper who gets busted open. No contest, though it looks like the tape cuts out as Bad news tries to run away.

Stomper vs. Bret Hart : Lumberjack match :
Match pretty much cuts out in the middle of the match. Lots of brawling. Nuff said.

Jason the Terrible vs. The Zodiac : mask v. mask
80's special effects video from Zodiac threatening to take Jason's mask. There's really not much of the match. Jason kicks out of a DDT. Zodiak tried to superplex Jason who pushes him off. Jason with the diving headbutt. Zodiac unmasked to be some unknown guy

!@!@!@!@ NEW JAPAN TV- Tokyo Dome Special- 1/4/98.
(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)
I'm giving away all the endings in this one, so BEWARE!

This was QUITE the mixed bag. Shinjiro Ohtani and Ultimo Dragon have a  pretty mixed bag of a match as UD hits the SWANKEST La Majistral variation I've ever seen- kind of a reversed Dandino with a kick to the head that rolls into a crucifix (YES! It was THAT cool.) When did Shinjiro Ohtani become so Meng-like in his selling ability? He TOTALLY no-sells a Tombstone Piledriver at one point and he takes the combination of four or five finishers at the end of the match from Ultimo Dragon and then Kyoko Inoue's himself up to hit two Dragon Suplexes as if nothing happened. Yeesh. I can see why Liger took the belt off him.

The Ricky Choshu retirement match was everything historically but nothing wrestlingwise really. He goes over Fujita, Takaiwa, that shmoe I can't remember the name of- before Iizuka gets a pin on him. The Liger match is the real match as Riki gets all fired up and does a plancha, which was all neat and stuff. Other than that, it was all historical and all, but I probably won't ever watch it again.

The Don Frye/ Ogawa match was almost good as these two drift more and more into more pro-style matches. Ogawa gets in lots neat suplexes and judo flips before Frye hits a low blow and chokes him out. Don is sufficiently dickish to make me proud to be an American. Ogawa refuses to grow on me.

The psychology of the Koshinaka/Chono match was there but both their bodies are so shot-to-hell at the moment that they couldn't pull off the story as successfully as they could have. Chono works on Koshinaka's neck and Koshinaka tries to get enough powerbombs in to put him away. Chono gets in two piledrivers and does a reverse Stranglehold Gamma that Koshinaka wriggles out of. Chono kills him dead as Koshinaka is charging him out of the corner in a last chance powerdrive and Chono Yakuza kicks the hell out of the best Heavyweight in New Japan and gets the win. This will be better next time. I kinda liked this, just because Koshinaka is so great and Chono has such a cool style when he can actually physically pull it off. He almost did it in this one and it was almost good.

The Kensuki Sasaki vs Keiji Mutoh match was fucking AWESOME. It picks up with Mutoh and Kensake in the middle of a knee bar that goes on for a while and I'm figuring "Oh great. They're gonna lay around for twenty minutes", but then Mutoh gets up and starts throwing the whole toolbox at Sasaki's left leg, which he first sets up with a Handspring elbow into Bulldog. He then hits a huge dropkick onto Sasaki's knee and then hits alternating Dragon Screws and Dropkicks to the knee- all to set up the figure four which Sasaki escapes by getting to the ropes. Mutoh goes through the whole sequence again but replaces the Handspring Elbow part with a toprope dropkick to the knee, which looked TRES NASTY. Sasaki gets to ropes again after Mutoh tries his finisher the second time. Mutoh changes direction after ripping up Kensuke's leg and top rope regular dropkicks and a Moonsault that the champion kicks out of. Mutoh gets Kensuke to the transition by trying a toprope hurricanrana that Sasaki reverses into a powerbomb in a last ditch effort to save his title reign. Kensuki tries to get Mutoh up for Northern Lights Bomb but he sells the knee and can't get him up, so he goes for a Stranglehold Gamma until he feels recovered enough to hit a Choshu line that Mutoh kicks out of. Sasaki then hits two Northern Lights Bombs finally and wraps up the probably the best match I've seen Sasaki in- ever, and the best I've seen Mutoh in, in a long time. Not perfect, but great in the NJ Heavyweight style. The simple story was acted on perfectly, the psychology was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I'm guessing this will be the same match when Mutoh gets the belt, except he'll stay with the leg and Sasaki won't escape. Absolutely choice.

#$#$#$#$#$#$#$ Michinoku Pro from 12/97:
(by REV. RAY DUFFY)
One of the hosts gets unplugged and belts out a tune.

Men's Teioh/Dick Togo vs. Hamada/Hoshikawa
Hoshikawa gets beat up alot of the match. Finish builds as Hoshikawa hits two kicks off the top rope on Teioh and Togo, then topes Togo on the floor. Men's turns a Hamada rana into a super inverted atomic drop. Dick low blows Hosh, Powerbomb, goes for the senton, Hamada stops him. Hamada top rope rana. Teioh knocks out Hamada from the ring, Full nelson buster on Hosh, Release german, Teioh with the Nodowa bomb. Good match. Hamada his usual great self; KDX is almost always good and Hosh looked good as well. Good match.

Masato Yakushiji/ Great Sasuke/Hikari Fukuoka (JWP) vs. Super Delfin/ Yone Genjin/ Tomoko Miyaguchi (JWP)
Naniwa is the ref. Starts out with Fukuoka doing stuff to the male rudos. Delfin blows his spinning backbreaker. Standard mixed match fare. They do a few spots with the women,even selling a bit for them. Fukuoka stomps Naniwa's hand to stop a count. They do the over the shoulder armbreaker spot, except instead of doing it to one of his partners, Sasuke leads Naniwa over, who takes the armbreaker like he does in most of these matches. Fukuoka accidentally bodypresses Sasuke off the top... and Naniwa goes for the count with Sasuke holding her on top of him. He gets
a slap for his troubles. We get our train wreck plancha spot with Yone taking a hellish rana off Masato who jumps on him off the apron. Tomoko hits the Saki Hasegawa underhook suplex series with a bridge, Yone ends up taking the Fukuoka moonsault double stomp. They do the star with Fukuoka ranaing Naniwa. JWP chicks brawl around the building. Sasuke and Yone fight on the floor. Delfin beats Masato with something while the camera shows the fighting on the floor. Hey, MPro hired the AAA camera men! Enjoyable match, interesting spin on it with Naniwa getting beat up more than a referee in an American midget match.

Clips of a match with Sasuke/Dos Caras/TMIV/Solar/Delfin do a cha-cha line unmasking attempt line. Hamada is in the match too. Sasuke gets Solar with a german suplex.

Highlights of KDX v. Dos/Hamada

Highlights 2 JWP chicks in what lookslike a church.

Hoshikawa/Yone Genjin vs. Delfin/Hamada
Hosh gets a bunch of near falls on Del and Ham. Delfin puts away Hoshikawa with the palm thrust and does a bunch of posing post match with JWP girls.

Sasuke/Solar vs. Men's Teioh/Dick Togo
KDX work over Sasuke's knee, choke him out with a rope. Sasuke plays whipping boy for a while. KDX wins with Miracle Ecstacy into an Indian Deathlock on Sasuke.

Jinsei Shinzaki vs. Tiger Mask IV
Slow start, shinzaki moving as fast as molasses uphill in January. TM IV works an armbar, Jinsei powers out, TMIV misses a corner move and blows the back flip up the ropes. Jinsei! Act like that's TM II in there. Springboard chop followed by the praying shoulder tackle. IV gets out of the crossed arm camel clutch. Shinzaki goes for the powerbomb, IV rolls over for the sunset flip into the kneebar, Shinzaki goes to the ropes and the floor, TMIV with a tope. TMIV hits him with an over the post plancha. TMIV chancery takedown, diving headbutt, kick out. Some kicks by IV, German Suplex, Victory Roll into the arm breaker. Shinzaki backdrops out of a Tiger Driver attempt, Shinazki breaks out of the tiger suplex attempt, back kick followed by a the backflip kick to put away TMIV. A real non-spectacular match. TMIV's bell bottoms have gotta go.

&*&*&*&* ALL JAPAN year in review
(by REV. RAY DUFFY)
It's a big party and you're invited to join the toastmasters, Kawada, Taue, Senator Hase, Kobashi, and Misawa. Joined by the Tim Burton waif japanese singer from the All Japan closing credits. They go around the table... er... floor, and talk about assorted matches from during the year. One of the wrestlers is sort of painted up I guess like a geisha and is not seen for most of the show. Taue must have told him to get his bitch ass in the kitchen and make him some pie. >From the home office in Tokyo, Japan...

They do a top 5 matches :
5. 3/1 Kawada/Taue v. Albright/Takayama
4. 11/27 - Shinzaki/Hayabusa v. Misawa/Akiyama
3. 8/26 Hiroshi Hase v. Kobashi
Footage of Misawa/Kobashi/Kawada doing their Karoke act, a truly goofy sight which must be seen. Unfortunately, they don't show the whole performance.

Blooper reel :
3. Shinzaki praying while in the Hase giant swing, Johnny Smith laughs his ass off on the apron.
2. Williams mooning the crowd after leaving the ring. (with unneccary zoom in on Doc's crack.)
1. Kawada/Misawa/Hase v. Taue/Akiyama/Kobashi : Hase Giant Swings Taue, who while dizzy tries to tag his regular tag partner, Kawada, who just nails him with a forearm.
Taue v. Tim Burton-esque guy on AJ Saturn game. Taue, using himself beats TB, using baba) Tim Burton guy loses again to face painted dude.
2. 12/5 Real World Tag Final Misawa/Akiyama v. Taue/Kawada
1. 10/21 - Misawa v. Kobashi

&*&*&*&*&* ALL JAPAN WOMEN-1/10/98
(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)
EMI Motokawa/ Nishibori vs Manami Toyota/ Momoe Nakanishi
Hey! It's that Crazy Emi gal. This time she's up against Manami as opposed to taggin with her and throw in the wildly surgent Momoe and you've got a big batch of wrestling match. Manami is wearing the hideous red outfit that makes her look real fat and she starts out by busting up the enchanting IWA Rebel That Is Emi real bad. Momoe tags in and they get all rednecky and catty, with Emi saying (I think) "C'mon and getcha some, bitch." Emi's pal over at the IWA trailerpark, Nishibori, says "lemme get a shot at that snooty little miss prissy. I'll show her what for" and gets in and busts up Momoe for a while as they go at it in a Jack Daniels fueled brawl. Momoe tags in Toyota who gets Emi in a rolling cradle, after which Emi was heard to comment "Nice dress, Grandma." Toyota then misses a springboard plancha and almost kills everyone. Nishibori was heard to say, "Way to Sabu that, Princess Grace." After Emi hits two FAT-ASS suplexes on Momoe, Momoe lucks into a roll-up! after Emi botches a La Majistral. Toyota comes over to offer encouragement to the young hellcats and Emi was overheard saying "Sit and spin, ya old hag." This match was great. A million billion stars.

Takako vs Watanabe
Tomoko Watanabe is wearing a hideous blue thing that is as bad as those Ultimate Warrior tassels she used to wear and to top it off, she has to compete against Takako in her number two hottest outfit- the white lace deal that just barely loses to the all leather outfit that really makes all real men feel all funny and stuff. Other than Takako's get-up, this is a pretty unspectacular match as Tomoko does a bunch of Thunder Fire Bombs to kill time until all the Destiny Hammers kick in. Ehh. Y'know. Takako is wearing the white lace outfit. Hey Scott, when are you coming up again with the
sweeeeeet boooks..... GOD! I need a shower.

Hotta/ Maekawa vs Okino/ Nagashima
This match was pretty choice. Luckily, Yumiko Hotta didn't damage the strikingly beautiful face of my gal Okino. Nagashima is the LLPW invader that doesn't far as well. The LLPW contingent cheat a whole lot as Nagashima uses a cane to even up the size differences at points and Eagle Sawai, who has been catching rides with Kyoko Inoue to the Kountry Kitchen All You Can Eat Home Cookin Buffet, keeps running in to turn the tide. Hotta sells a whole bunch to these three and you await the stompdown to kick in, but it doesn't drop as hard as it should have. Hotta doesn't kill anybody. Maybe she's getting mellow as she gets older. Maybe she's saving it up for Shinobu Kandori who was at ringside. THAT would kick ass. A whole lot.

They show highlights of the legendary Kandori vs Hokuto match from 4/93. MAN! Talk about a bucket of blood. I had forgotten.

EMI Motokawa/ Momoe Nakanishi vs Akira Hokuto/ Pork Warrior
This match was big old goofy batch of fun. Pork Warrior is Tomoko Watanabe wearing a muscle suit (with drawn on man-boobies!) and make-up so that she resembles Power Warrior, the alter ego of Akira Hokuto's husband, Kensuki Sasaki, and Watanabe is hilarious as she no-sells like Power Warrior and does all the big moves of Power Warrior- the Judo Throw, Strangle Hold Gamma, the Riki Lariat. Emi and Momoe are just as goofy in this match- doing the a hula dance during the stereo Indian Deathlocks. Hokuto can't keep a straight face and Tomoko milks it for every possible laugh. For the finish, the Pork Warrior sets up the Doomsday Device, of course. This was charming and fun and great and they threw some wrestling in there somewhere.

NEXT WEEK: LUCHA! LUCHA! LUCHA! WWO! PROMO AZTECA! And AAA! Back when it was worth a damn. WHIP ASS!

- Dean Rasmussen, Jericholic!

"Mother of Pearl- So semi-perfect in your detached world."
- ROXY MUSIC, THE WORLD'S BEST BAND EVER.