Welcome to DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #66!

It's been a Phat Ass couple of weeks since the Puerto Rico stuff arrived and everything kinda fell behind a little. But there was some great wrestling on tape around here and we'll try and share the love and hate with you. I've FINALLY conned the Funtabulous Los Lurkers Loco Alumni- the Honorable Rev. Ray Duffy- to pitch in his two cents worth and go all medieval on some current tapes and I'm in stunned silence and in deep awe that he would help a fatboy out and make the Death Valley Driver Video Review a better place be. WHIP ASS! Phil got a bunch of tapes from up yonder in DC so I'm awaiting their arrival to my house any day now. I'm gonna tackle some stuff that QUEBRADAboy Lorefice sent me (READ IT, BABY! HELL! JUST ONE SECTION OF QUEBRADA IS GOOD FOR A DUKAKIS-SIZED BANDWIDTH-SLAUGHTERHOUSE THREAD!) and, of course, the Amazingly Awesome GLENN! sent me a bunch of stuff from that there Japan country, so let's whip it baby- let's whip it right- let's whip it baby- let's whip it all night.

!@!@!@!@!@!@ NEW JAPAN TOP OF THE JUNIOR 1997 COMMERCIAL TAPE
(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)
This was the tourney that produced the best match of 1997- El Samurai vs Koji Kanemoto in the final, but- for some reason- it's not on this tape. Go figure. This tape still is pretty CHOICE. It starts with Chavo Guerrerro Jr mixing it up with Jushin Thunder Liger. This differed from their last encounter in that Chavo is WADS better now then in 96 and he hits some tricky stuff before Liger goes ahead and tears him a new one- including a Plancha Enorme!, a PowerPlant running Moonsault press, La Majistral and standing Hurricanrana. Liger whips out the shotay and the running Liger Bomb to kill young Chavo. Dead. Next up- Tajiri and Ohtani have an absolutely Funtabulous match where Shinjiro finds new and interesting ways to stomp on Tajiri's head. Tajiri, being the best indie wrestling on the planet earth, kicks the piss out of Ohtani in retaliation. Tajiri goes all Lucha on his ass but Ohtani ducks out of the way and starts his springboard dropkicks. Tajiri does that goofy Tiger Bomb into variation of a rolling cradle so that's gonna cost a star. The ending is quite the shocker, so I'll shut the hell up. HOLY CATS! Koji Kanemoto vs Takaiwa has a whole lot of these two beating the total dogcrap out of each other. Takaiwa does the Killer Khan running knee drop as if to say, "Eat my butt, Sun-In Boy." Koji hits triple dick mode as he slaps Takaiwa upside the head while he has him in an ankle lock. Takakiwa ups the ante by standing over the prone Kanemoto and driving his heel into his face- thus achieving the unheard of Dick To The Fourth Power Level of Dickishness. These guys are friends? SWANK AS LIVING HELL.
Liger vs Naniwa was clipped all to hell but it still didn't look as tripendicualrly good as that Kanemoto/Naniwa match. And I still haven't seen Dr Wagner on this yet! Takaiwa and Liger was pretty beautiful because it is basically a training film, hosted by Takaiwa, on the new and innovative ways the League of Penises has found to chew up Liger's bad leg. The Springboard AWA Elbow to the knee was my personal favorite as Takaiwa kicks Grampa Liger's ass all over the ring before the old man gets all cranky. It seems the big winners in this tourney were Tajiri and DOC DEAN(!). Doc gets the Biggest upset with the win over Liger and, in the Kanemoto/Dean match, Koji Kanemoto actually hugs him after beating the flying crud out of the young Brit. BIZARRE. Koji then wrangles with Liger in what is the best match on the tape. Liger kills Koji with all of his finishers and hits the triple GREAT 360 German Suplex that puts =Koji directly on his face. Koji hits the top rope power slam after hitting a couple of running German Suplexes that sets up his moonsault. This was pretty straight, with no forays into dickishness on either side. This being the best match-up in New Japan right now- because these are the two best Juniors in the world right now- gives them all kinds of leeway as to how to work it- so if they want to do a straight hold-for-hold match without heating it up like they usually do, they can because these are so built for killing each other. Just a great match that I dug the most. The last match on the tape was probably the best of the tape if it wasn't hacked up to the point that we get just the last ten minutes of the match. The Ohtani vs Samurai match picks up right as they are getting the nearfalls at the end, and it's pretty great in that respect- as they go from exchanging big German Suplexes to each's more hideous finishers. I'm cheesed that they didn't just go for a full two hour tape and include this match in its entirity. Other than that, it's a great tape. GET TWO IN CASE ONE BREAKS.

#$#$#$#$#$#$ JAPAN TV 1995
(by PHIL SCHNEIDER)
This is all off a 1995 Japanese TV tape that my boy Eric gave me in between starting fights and trolling strip bars. I fast forwarded threw the Paul Orndorff v. Great Muta match and for that I am eternally sorry.

Manami Toyota vs. Kyoko Inoue 5/7/95 Kourakuen Hall
This match was a one hour draw that won the 1995 Observer match of the year. Now I really don't like either of these wrestlers that much, but this was before Manami got so beat up that Sabued everything she tried, and this was before Kyoko discovered hoho's and chicken wings, so she was more zaftig then porcine, so I was appropriately psyched for this match. First the good stuff about this match: the pace they set in this thing was amazing, they went all out for an hour, all big time highspots and suplexes, not a rest hold in the whole enchilada. Plus all the spots were hit clean. In one sequence Manami hits a springboard kneedrop to the floor into a top rope asai moonsault into a springboard splash to the floor, and this is in like the fiftieth minute of the match, a point when almost any other wrestler would be puking his lunch all over the ring girls. Plus Manami took some queen size bumps, not being afraid to turn her body into what it is today. Also Manami didn't do a rolling cradle. On the other hand, I don't mean to Lorifice this thing but this match had some of the worst selling and psychology I have ever seen. The match was just a ton of spots, cool spots, but spots that built to nothing. The only sequence that looked like it had some story to it was both girls doing their off the top rope move three times in a row. It looked like Kyoko was working on Manami's leg, but Manami just didn't sell that it was supposed to hurt. They didn't build to a move or a sequence that would put either women away- they just did everything they could do, and then they did it again. Plus their selling was truly Meng-ian. Manami pulls up the ring pad and piledrives Kyoko on the floor twice. Manami then tosses her in the ring goes to the top rope, and Kyoko just jumps AND FUNKING RUNS UP THE TOPROPE, completely no-selling two piledrivers on the motherfreaking floor. In the last minute of the match, Kyoko DDT's Manami off the ring apronto the floor- killer move, right?- the sensible thing is for the champ to kick out and just to try and hold out for the last 20 seconds. Instead Manami kicks out and grabs Kyoko and puts her on the top rope to try some suplex she can't even get off before the bell rings. The whole match was like that, one girl would hit a finisher, and then the other girl would just jump up and hit a different finisher, it was fun to watch and all but it wasn't a real match, just a stunt show. The fact that the Observer gave this the match of the year instead of the kick ass 6/9/95 Misawa + Kobashi v. Kawada + Taue match or Mysterio v. Guerrera, or Malenko v. Guerrerro or a zillion other great matches that year, just shows that Meltzer's readers were definitely doing some serious midnight choking to B. Bomb.

Rob Van Damn vs. Danny Kroffat
I remember this is one of the first Japanese matches I saw when I started getting tapes and a remember marking out like a monkey for it. It was still real good, but in rewatching I noticed how much of the greatness of this match was due to Danny Kroffat. The first time I watched this baby I was more impressed with Van Damn's flashy offense, but watching it again it is obvious that Kroffat guides this whole match. For example Robbie hits a tope con hilo- but instead of catching him, Kroffat leans down and takes the leg across the back of the neck. Kroffat also plays a great cocky heel- spitting in Van Damn's face and doing a little mocking strut. This match also had a piss your pants funny moment with Kroffat doing a strut and turning around, to see Van Damn sitting on the top rope giving him the finger, in response to this the announcer screams "fuuuucka yoooo." Rocking ending with Kroffat hitting the super choice reverse superplex to drop pony tail boy. I have seen plenty of shitty Van Damn matches since I first saw this one, so I really appreciate how great Kroffat is at carrying someone. Vince should bring Kroffat into the Light heavyweight division and give him the Malenko role- as he could carry green guys like Aguila and Scott Taylor to great matches and could really  rock with TAKA and Pantera, as he has wrestled Lucha as well. Hey, then Furnas could fued with Kane or something- wouldn't that be cool. Anyway, enough of the fantasy booking, this match ruled and was the only ****+ singles match I have ever seen the mostly pathetic All Japan juniors division deliver.

Sabu vs. Black Tiger
Speaking of crappy overrated ECW guys being carried by great workers. The masked Eddie Guerrerro attempts to drag something out of Sabu, and only sort of succeeds. During the pre chairs and tables portion of this baby, Sabu looks way out of place, and the garbage part isn't even that great. Eddie does hit an awesome 6 zillion foot plancha, which he doesn't do much of any more. He has to job to Shitbu's crappy springboard moonsault thing because for some reason Liger was pushing blownspotbu- must have been the brain tumor.

Koji Kanemoto vs. Gran Hamada
This was pretty great, although Koji is about a millionth as cool as a happy face, as he is as a godlike dick. They do a bunch of midrange highspots which was prevalent in 1995 but almost gone now. Hamada is amazing as usual defying father time; Koji gets the win by reversing a rana attempt into a kneebar. They hug afterward- of course if this happened today Koji would have spit in that old bastards face and kicked him a bunch, and I would have liked it even more. Let me repeat again Paul Heyman is lower then a syphillatic Tick on a sewer rats ass for jobbing Hamada to Spike Dudley and Justin Credible, fuck him and his turd infested lowlife Indy league.

@#@#@#@#@ FMW: KAWASAKI STADIUM "Over the Legend" (9/28/97 -Kawasaki)
(by REV. RAY DUFFY)
Hey, FMW has the chubby MPro ref calling a bunch of the matches! COOL!

Street Fight Royal Rumble Mostly clips:
Match starts with Headhunter B in with Ricky Fuji. Fuji is dressed for the streetfight... and is also sporting a tie. What a fashion plate. Next in is the bald Battlearts guy I've seen on M-Pro shows a few times. They double team Headhunter a bit. Enter Tetsuhiro Kuroda. 3 way on Headhunter contines. Super Leather enters, 3 way beatdown moves to him. Hido enters and tries to hide behind tubby ref, but Fuji goes over him. Enter Flying Kid Ichari Exit Super Leather by Kuroda. Enter HeadHunter A. Enter some guy with tape on his back. Exit Headhunter B via a Hido clothesline who leaves with aresounding "FUCK!" Exit Bald Battlearts guy. Enter Koji Nakagawa. Enter Hideki Hosaka (aka the W*ING guy no one can remember) Enter the Sakiman (some japanese guy doing a total Sandman gimmick.) Hosaka eliminates Headhunter A with a clothesline. Hosaka gang eliminated. Nakagawa eliminated when Hido pulls down the top rope. Flying Kid eliminated by the Sakiman. Hido gang eliminated. Sakiman eliminated by Kuroda. I guess the Dean in Animal House was right... fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life. Fuji and Kuroda wrestle a bit. Fuji does a plancha, Kuroda comes back, hits a top rope elbow. Fuji reverses a german suplex into a Fuji Cutter. Tiger Bomb by Fuji. Forward rolling Fallaway slam, Kuroda kicks out. Kuroda gets the win with a Thunder Fire Powerbomb. Hey, there's a surprise- a Thunder Fire Powerbomb in an FMW match.

Miss Mongo/Crusher Maedomari vs. Miwa Sato/Kaori Nakamura
It's the battle of the new Shark flunkies v. the old Shark Flunkies. That's about where the interest level ends. Why does Miss Mongo appear to have a tail on her outfit? Crusher with a chokeslam on Sato.

Gedo and Jado interview. Hey, they're both coughing up hairballs.

Mr. Gannosuke/Hisakatsu Ohya vs. Jado/Gedo [Tag Title match]
Fuyuki's boys start up with Ohya and double team him a bit. Gannosuke comes in gets in control. Hits the Falcon Arrow, Jado kicks out. Gannosuke goes to give the Shinzaki praying powerbomb, Gedo hits him behind off the top rope. Gedo beats on Gannosuke on the floor. Gedo does a top rope elbow, Gannosuke kicks out. Gedo powerslam, Gannosuke kicks out. Jado with a lariat and superplex, Ohya makes the save. Jado brainbuster, Gannosuke kicks out. Gedo/Jado double clotheline Gannosuke and Ohya. Superbomb on Gannousuke, Ohya with the save. Gannousuke avoids a double back drop, tags in Ohya. Ohya house of fire. Funk Masters o' Wrestling in control, do the praying spiked powerbomb. Jado with a chair save. Ohya drop kicks the chair to knock Jado out of the ring. Ohya back drop driver spiked with a gannosuke clothesline, Gedo kicks out. Gannosuke goes for a german suplex, Gedo low blow, small package, 2. Gannosuke inverted atomic drop, Michinoku Driver II and Ohya and Gannousukeretain.

Aja Kong vs. Shark Tsuchiya
Hey, what's that sound? It's Herb Kunze's head exploding... and I can hear it all the way down here in New Jersey. Street fight Match, Aja brings a fire extinguisher with her. Shark brings Crusher and Miss Mongol with her. Gist of the match, Shark's flunkies beat on Aja. Shark does her Mrs. Pogo bit. Aja comes back, Tubby ref gets taken out. Flunkies and Shark beat on Aja. Aja comes back and is setting up for the Uraken. Miss Mongol sprays her with the fire extinguisher. Shark spits a fireball on Aja... well... i think it was fireball, couldn't tell with the extinguisher cloud still around. Post match, Aja gets on the mic and considers that maybe having to take down the ring in AJW isn't so bad after all.... well, maybe.

Koudou Fuyuki interview : hey, it's Kawada's old partner! Hey, he's a Pizza Eatin', Beer Drinkin', Donut Eatin', Soda Drinkin', Pretzel Eatin', son of a son of a biscuit! Pass the fried chicken!

Funk interview : Funk says that Fuyuki's crazy if he thinks he's gonna win in 10 minutes. Funk says he'll win in two.

Koundo Fuyuki vs. Terry Funk: Texas Heavyweight Title bout
Boy, Fuyuki yells a lot... and damn is it annoying. And Funk's doing his Yellowbeard looking for his treasure mode of selling. "Stagger, stagger, stagger, crawl... Fall Down... stagger, stagger..." Fuyuki throws some of the weakest
looking jabs on the face of the planet. Terry yells out "Come on you sonofabitch" a whole lot. Fuyuki gets the Samson Clutch on, Funk won't give up. Fuyuki hits Banana Panic twice, Funk back suplexes him. Funk staggers around, falls on Fuyuki. Goes for the spinning toe hold, Fuyuki small package kick out. Terry out to the floor. I will give Victor Quionnes credit. He and Terry take the Mucho Body plancha from the top rope to the floor. Terry superplexes Fuyuki. Hey, here's a surprise, Jado and Gedo run in on the match... of course, Funk has back up too.. and the Head Hunters come in and start beating on Gedo and Jado. They top rope splash Fuyuki and then Funk Moonsaults Fuyuki landing mostly with his head in Fuyuki's gut. Terry wins.

Vader vs. Ken Shamrock - Ultimate Fighting Rules
Basically, the ropes are taken down and a cage is set up. There's really not much to this, Ken was injured at this point and is taped up like an SOB. When someone hits the cage, it almost falls down... this leads to breaks when you reach the cage.... Ummmm... aren't you allowed to use the cage in UFC? Or you were able to at one point. Vader works the ribs a bit. Ken knocks down Vader with punches, goes for the cross arm breaker. Vader makes it to the cage. Shamrock achilles tendon hold. Ref warns Vader about grabbing the cage. Shamrock knees and punches down Vader for an 9 count. Vader loses the mask. Vader punches down Shamrock. Vader powerbombs Shamrock. Vader powerslam, Shamrock is spitting up blood. Ref stops the match, Vader wins.

Masato Tanaka vs. The Gladiator : Brass Knucks/Independent World Title match:
You know, I still can't figure out why Gladiator hasn't been picked up by the big 2. I mean, here's a huge, built guy who can fly like an SOB. Given, he's got a bad knee, he still can probably work circles around a lot of the stiffs in WCW and the WWF. Match starts with both guys chopping and tackling each other a bit with neither man getting the upperhand. Tanaka with a powerslam, Gladiator rolls out to the apron, Tanaka with the reverse direction spring off the ropes clothesline guys like Jericho use to knock Gladiator off the apron. Tanaka starts his Misawa impressions of the
evening by doing the elbow suicida out to the floor. Gladiator gets on the apron, Tanaka elbows him, goes for a running one but Gladiator slingshot shoulder tackles him, follows with splash, Tanaka kicks out. Gladiator back drops Tanaka, then clotheslines him out to the floor. Gladiator with THE HUUUUUGE ASS Plancha. They do dueling chairs on the floor with Gladiator getting the upperhand and breaking one over Tanaka's head. Tanaka rolled in, Gladiator slingshot splash, 2 count. Gladiator puts him in a camel clutch, tells Tanaka to give up. If he does, he gets a Klondike bar. Well, not really. Tanaka reverses a corner whip, flying forearm in the corner, swinging DDT, 2 count. Tanaka gets Gladiator on the top rope, they fight for a bit but Tanaka pulls off a superplex while standing on the top rope, kick out by Gladiator. A few elbows, a couple off the ropes, Gladiator does a switch on Tanaka, drops him on his head. Tanaka gets all Kobashi on him, gets up immediately, drops him with a clothesline, THEN gets knocked out from the suplex. Tanaka goes for a powerbomb, Gladiator blocks it, Double leg slams Tanaka, does a jacknife bridge for a 2. Gladiator goes out to the floor, gets two chairs. Gladiator does a Sabu chair launch into a chairshot onto Tanaka, breaks another chair on his head. Tanaka throws it off, swings wild and Gladiator with a released German. Gladiator sits him in the middle of the top rope German suplexes him off for two. Gladiator goes out to the floor, grabs two tables and sets them up next to each other on the floor. Comes in, clotheslines Tanaka,drags him to the apron. Gladiator powerbombs him off the apron through the tables. Gladiator throws him in the ring, breaks a piece of the table over his head. Gladiator with the Awesome Bomb. 2 Count. Gladiator hits a big air top rope splash. 2 count. Gladiator picks him up, does his running powerbomb, goes outside gets another table, sets it up on the floor. Gladiator goes to powerbomb him over the top rope. Tanaka slips out twice. Tanaka powerbombs him over the top rope onto the table, but Gladiator lands pretty hard on the floor with his upper body. Tanaka thunder fire powrbombs Gladiator, kicks out. Tanaka elbows, another TF Powerbomb, Gladiator kicks out. Tanaka with elbows, Gladiator no sells, Tanaka ducks a clothesline, catches a big boot. Elbow and a rolling elbow and Tanaka wins the twin titles. A good match. A few of the table spots took a bit long to set up, but they looked insane when they hit them. Highlight of this section of tape. But I didn't get to see the Shinzaki/Hayabusa v. Mossman/Kobashi part, sooo... I dunno

Recap of Kanemura winning the double titles and calling out Onita. Hey, Shocker in FMW? What the....

W*ING Kanemura vs. Atsushi Onita - No Rope barbed wire Electric Explosive Steel Cage Big Time Bomb Match x 2
Kanemura is working the match with a bad (I think broken) ankle. Kanemura comes in with a barbed wire bat. Thiswas the most scientific match of all time... but seriously... Usual exploding barbed wire fare. Cool thing about these matches is that even the referee sells when someone hits the cage. Kanemura and Onita do a double run into the cage. Kanemura gets the bat, uses it to drive Onita into the cage. He decides to throw it out over the top rope. Onita rebounds with a bunch of  headbutts, throws Kanemura face first into the cage. Onita powerbomb, kick out. Onita face crusher, kick out. Onita with a half crab on Kanemura's bad ankle. Kanemura powers out. Onita with a tiger driver. Onita with a TFPowerbomb (which by the way, looks nothing like everyone else's TFPB), kick out. Hey Onita, how about a headbutt... 2 count. Onita DDT, 5 minute alarm goes off, air raid sirens go off. Kanemura tries to block a back suplex, but Onita does it anyway, 2 count. Onita tries to throw Kanemura into the cage, baseball slide and Kanemura answers with a clothesline. 2 count. Onita side steps Kanemura who goes face first into the cage. Onita DDT. Kick out. Onita with TFPB, kick out. He goes for another, Kanemura backdrops out. Kanemura TFPB, Onita kicks out. Onita with a clothesline. DDT by Onita at the one minute warning. TFPB at 38 seconds kicked out of. TFPB at 20 seconds kicked out of. Cover at 2 seconds kicked out. Ka-Boom. Tubby MPro ref runs in to replace FMW ref who got blowed up Real Good. Onita TFPB, kicked out of. Kanemura with a missed clothesline eats the cage. Onita TFPB kicked out of. Hey Onita, how about a TFPB? SURE! And it works to get the win. Afterwards Onita helps Kanemura to the back. This sets up the Zen angle. Onita does an interview in front of the FMW boys, leaves the locker room. Meanwhile, Kanemura has a crying fit in the W*ING locker room. I think one of the stips was that W*ING would disband if Kanemura lost. Onita walks by and sees the sad sight, goes and gets a drink. He then gets the all knowing smirk. He gets in the W*ING locker room and tells them "Yeah, I sure kicked your ass good! But I like you, you got spunk" They head out to the hospital in the same ambulance as the "ZEN" logo shows up on the screen.

Tape goes to the finish of a street fight 6 man title match between Hayabusa/Koji Nakagawa/Masato Tanaka against Ohya/Gannosuke/Gladiator. We go to the finish where everyone is geting a near fall on someone else...This includes Gladiator Kamakazki Bombing Hayabusa through a table. Nakagawa makes the save but eats table. They go for another Kamakazi Awesome Bomb (aka a super bomb), but Tanaka makes the save and knocks Gladiator to the floor. Ohya instead back suplexes Hayabusa off the ropes. Tanaka gets in,elbows Ohya, Hayabusa with a dragon suplex for the win.

&^&^&^&^&^ALL JAPAN WOMEN'S YEAR IN REVIEW SPECIAL:
(by REV RAY DUFFY)
Hey, remember a few months ago when we used to have a bunch of big names? The show is in a studio with the usual AJW TV show "Navigators," joined by Manami Toyota, Yumiko Hotta, Takako Inoue, Kaoru Itoh, Kumiko Maekawa and I think Tomoko Wantanabe. There's also a peanut gallery of I guess fans. The show has a bunch of clips of title matches over the year. The host segments though are by pretty unique... it seems the wrestlers are there to take requests in a weird sort of fetish set up. One guy holds a kicking pad on his head and lets Maekawa axe kick him. Another guy comes in and takes an Itoh double stomp off a chair, and then requests that Takako apply a crucifix kneebar on him, which she does and the guy escapes by going at her leg like a dog in heat. The girls try to break this up as someone runs to get naked pictures of Bertha Faye to calm this boy down. Of course, he doesn't learn. Later in the show, he decides he's been a naughty boy who needs a spanking, so Hotta and Maekawa kick him in the ass... Toyota looks on with the expression which could best be described as "You are a freak...where is the door" Toyota puts the figure four on someone else. All this and more on Sex Around the World Part 7... only on HBO.

!@!@!@!@!@! GAEA JUNIOR ALL-STARS COMMERCIAL TAPE- (07/29/97) Yokohama Culture Gym
(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)
This was a pretty hit-and-miss affair which should be expected since its purpose is to expose the world to the younger gals in puroresu. I'll try to dwell on the positive tip since they are all so lil and adorable.

[GAEA] Rina Ishii/Sakura Hirota/Hiromi Katoh vs. [Big Japan] Nana Fujimura/Aya Koyama/Miho Kawasaki:
HEY! This was pretty good for a bunch of rookies. The lil gals from Big Japan are super tiny but they can work- in that they weren't ENTIRELY smoked by the more polished GAEA lower tier youngsters. Ishii and Hiromi Kato kept this match together as they worked really well with the spunky Big Japan Little punkins. Koyama looks to be the best worker of the Big Japan contingent as she is in the classic vein- undersized bu quick and knowledgable of odd roll-ups and whatnot. Miho Kawasaki or Nana Fujinami is the one with super hip-hop kid big pants and is spunkier beyond the realm of spunky. Ishii beats Koyama with a standing hurricanrana after they did some neato nearfalls with Koyama and Iishi trading swanky roll-ups. All the Big Japan gals cry a lot when they meet Chigusa. It was really cute. REALLY.

Yukie Abe [Jd'] vs. Miyuki Fujii [AJW]
This is clipped all too hell, which is probably a good thing. Abe is quite the Yokota project that hasn't quite gotten off the ground yet. The black fairy boots were to die for though I would think if I were one of the other teenage lady wrestlers in attendance

Nanae Takahashi/Miho Wakizawa [AJW] vs. Miyuki Sogabe [Jd']/Sari Ohsumi [JWP]
Allright! Sari Ohsumi is my new favorite JWP rookie! She's a very average worker but she is hysterical in the ring as she taunts the stuffy Nanae Takahashi with a little dance of defiance. I FELL OUT. Dig her swank Kung Fu poses. Clipped all to hell. ME WANT MORE SARI!

[AJW] Misae Genki/Tannie Mouse vs. [LLPW] Keiko Aono/Miho Watabe
Watabe is about four feet tall from the looks of it and the story is that Genki is really tall and stuff and they do all the usual tall vs little crap. Miho is adorable, Tannie Mouse didn't actually do anything. Genki wins by being tall and all.

The Bloody [Jd']/Sayuri Okino[LLPW] vs. Makie Numao/Maiko Matsumoto [GAEA]
MAN! Sayuri Okino is about the hottest, minkiest hellcat on earth. Boy! She's gonna make some young punk in Japan a happy man someday. The match itself was kinda of a nothing match with the august talents of the Bloody being the focal point. Numao does basically nothing and Matsumoto gets back on the good list by working a good match and for avoiding the zillion Atomic Drops. The GAEA second line of youngsters have little trademarks that can get annoying after a while- Hirota with her Ice Man King Parson's Butt-Butt fixation, Matsumoto's endless supply of atomic drops,
Numao with her... well... she doesn't really do ANYTHING any more.

Tomoko Kuzumi [JWP] vs. Chiharu [Social Progress]
Kuzumi is freakin AWESOME, but this match is not very good at all. Chiharu is just WAY too green to be in with someone as polished as Kuzumi, plus there is the fact that Chiharu looks like she hurt herself on the first dive from the ring. A waste of Kazumi's talents. Hell, take Sugar out of the six-woman or something.

Momoe Nakanishi [AJW] vs Sumie Sakai [Jd']
This is the surprise of the whole tourney for me. It's no secret that I heart the Jd' Judo girls but this match was the first time when they started showing real star power. This kinda cruises along for five minutes and then out of nowhere Sakai does two TOTALLY THE SHIT phatass suplexes onto Momoe's head. Momoe responds with her own spine-fusing suplex and this match heats up like a motherfucker. The pop for the first Sakai suplex is startling. This was WAYYY better than it should have been. I'm guessing this was Momoe's first foray into actual goodness, because this rocked like
a hurricane by the end.

Yuka Shiina[AJW]/Kanako Motoya [JWP]/Yuuko Kosugi [Jd'] vs Sugar Sato [GAEA]/Chikayo Nagashima [GAEA]/ Rieko Amano [JWP]
This was Freakin GREAT. OZ Academy vs three promotions out to stop OZ domination. The fabulous Sugar Sato squaring off with amazingly beautiful and talented Kanako Motoya. Shiina busting up Reiko Amano. The saving grace of the youth of Jd' next to the Judo girls- Kosugi. And the totally spectacular Nagashima. The second best match on this baby has the first quarter of it stolen by the force of the high-flying of Nagashima- who is the best flyer of this whole peer group, cross-promotionally and every other way. Nearfalls fly throughout and I start remembering that HEY! Amano is really good! I had forgotten. Sugar takes out Shiina's knee with her leg assault. Everything flies around it as Amano goes all highflying with Nagashima as they do cross-section double tope tope suicidas. This was clipped all to hell and it STILL had more stuff than most matches have in thirty minutes. This kicked ass.

Yoshiko Tamura vs. Toshie Uematsu
Uematsu sells the knee like a champ and incorporates it masterfully in this match as Tamura begins to establish herself as a really good worker as she takes the WCW WOMEN'S Cruiserweight title. This was the beginning of Toshie's push's slowdown that she hasn't fully recovered from yet- even though she has had some really good matches since then (especailly that Tag tourney to face Tamura that had Sugar go take the belt later). Still, this is a solid match that hints at the depth at which Toshie Uematsu can wrestle at psychologically. I dug this match when I saw it on Champ Forum when this first took place and it was better the second time.

Meiko Satomura/Sonoko Kato [GAEA] vs. Tomoko Miyaguchi [JWP]/Saya Endoh [AJW]
Endoh is kinda very okay but the other three are so good that this match couldn't help but be the best on this card. Meiko Satomura is the best wrestler of her generation. She turns this (and all of her matches) into an all-out dogfight and this was as physical a match as you'll get- as Satomura and Miyaguchi REALLY beat the hell out of each other. Sonoko Kato isn't afraid to kick the fuck out of somebody and this match showcased that skill to a certain extent until Endoh takes her bad knee out and she sells that from there on. Miyaguchi and Satomura mix in every dangerous move they
can think of between submissions and stiff kicks. Jiminy freakin Christmas is Meiko Satomura good. GET ALLLLL THIS!

&*&*&*&*&* ALL JAPAN TV (aired 1/4, taped on 1/2)- Korakuen Hall
(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)
Kobashi/ Kanemaru vs. Inoue/ Kawada:
Hey! I'd never seen Kanemuru and I had heard that he was better version of Shiga. He's not horrible or anything so I'd say he was probably just a less pasty version of Shiga. Let's just say that neither of them are gonna make me forget any other Junior heavyweight on earth. I was fearing that the Inoue on the matchlist that fantabulous Glenn sent was of the Mighty variety but it was the younger Inoue guy that I asked Hangman no less than one hour ago what his first name was and of course I immediately forgot. He is very okay. Kobashi and Kawada do pretty much nothing in this match but stand around and make a save here and there. Kobashi at least tags in a little while Kawada kinda stands there looking bored. How does this crap get on TV?

THEN they have a Battle Royal. REALLY! Guess what. If anybody is gonna have a good battle royal, All Japan is gonna do it. Guess what. This is as horrible as any other battle royal you've ever seen. But at least they kinda stand around in a circle while two guys go at it in the center and then all pile on when one guy gets somebody else in a pinning  combination. The funniest things are Steve Williams and Toshiaki Kawada- the two stiffest workers on earth- selling for Baba and his gentle slugs to the top of the head. It was kinda cute and touching. Misawa and Kobashi get pinned at the same time in a comical moment. Add to that that Misawa is basically pinned by Skull Von Krush and the laughs never stop! Eigen was funny in this and so was Baba. Not good but REAL goofy which you never get on All Japan TV. In an added ever stupider note, they've changed their "Power Of Rock" ending montage and I'm bummed.

NEXT WEEK: ULTIMO VS OHTANI! GAEA! GAEA! GAEA! P O R K W A R R I O R B A B Y ! ! I'm not kidding. EMI~! and More Emi~! Ka Shin! KOJI KANEMOTO! GOOD WWO EXISTS AND WE GOT IT, CHEESE! RAY! PHIL! DEAN! SINGLE GOING STEADY! AND WHATEVER ELSE WE CAN DIG UP! WHIP ASS!

REVOLUTION~! LIVE FOR TODAY~!
- Dean Rasmussen, Jericholic!

"I will compose- In fancy rhyme-or just plain prose- a song of praise- to you-Prairie Rose, Though I'm not sure- I can explain- Your strange allure- Oh Prairie Rose- A crown of thorns- a scented flower."
- ROXY MUSIC, THE WORLD'S BEST BAND EVER.