We had a bunch of stuff happen between last DVDVR and now- Rippa got married, Naimark moved to Colorado, Schneider switched a couple of jobs, Ray and Pete got caught up in this whole baseball thing, Fat Tony was trying to get his book published, I became even slower and more worthless than usual- so it will be a lil one.  I did do a bunch of comix for the Big Japan review because it was a Clipped To Fuck show that was pretty impossible to review (and you still don't want to own 90 per cent of it) and I had time to kill at work between answering the phone and yelling at/for people, so I had a FOCUS- A FOCUS!- to my spare moments. I'm a do more of those because they are fun, so learn to love it (or at least be witty when ripping it to shreds)!  Anyway, I GIVE YOU..... PHIL SCHNEIDER!.......

%^%^%^%^%^ Pro Wrestling NOAH Debut Show
(by PHIL SCHNEIDER)
This was the debut show of the promotion and there was a definite attempt to stylistically seperate themselves from All Japan. Most of the wrestlers had new looks, with a couple being gimmicked up (Team No Fear and poor Daisuke Ikeda) and they changed the ring, music and video packages. While some of the changes looked good the majority of the new stuff looked kind of cheesy, including the 70's rock used for the intro graphics and the whole look, it lacked the gravitas of All Japan and came looking like WXO or AWC.

Mokota Hashi vs. Takeshi Morishima
These two are a pair of NOAH youngsters with dueling reddish hair dye (Akyama is sporting this look now too, Misawa must have gotten a bulk discount on Sun In.) Both guys are legit heavyweight size and looked pretty decent especially Morishima. Hashi, who appeared to be the greener of the two is apparently going for an El Hijo Del Tamon Honda thing, as his offense is pretty headbuttastic, although he does throw in some variations like a headbutt off the apron. Morishima's offense seemed kind of Kanyonish as he hit a electric chair facebuster and a reverse chokeslam, which just begs to be re-invented and given a stupid name by NOVA (I suggest the super-splat or the oucher.) I don't think Morishima is ready for the main events yet, but he is worlds better then sludge like Inoue and Izumida who they seem to be pushing.

Kikuchi/Jun Izumida/Haruken Eigen vs. Rikoh/Mitsu Momota/Rusher Kimura
En leiu of a review I shall instead give you a translation of Rusher Kimura's post match comedy act.

"Hey everybody I'll tell yah, it is great to be here and out of All Japan.. man All Japan was rough ...working for Mrs. Baba, she's so old she was Genghis Khan's valet... I mean she is so old she owes Buddah an end of tour bonus..and talk about cheap! The new All Japan T-Shirts just have Kawada's picture pasted over Misawa's body. Don't get me started about  Kawada- man! is he ugly, that gap in his teeth is so big he can spit peach pits, I'll tell yah, Kawada has summer teeth, some er over here, some er over there. Geez All Japan is in some rough shape I heard they are bringing in Manakuea Mossman's brother Wewillhira Anyman. I gotta go though, you all have been great ... we got a big main event coming up stick around I hear Kobashi may throw a lariet or two.. Good Night everybody."

Shiga/Marafuji vs. Kanemaru/Inoue
Kanemaru and Inoue are the new FMW tag champions which is appropriate because they have really developed that sleazy FMW look. I remember Kanemaru being sort of a skinny Shiga clone, but he has really gotten a super Indy dirtbag look to him now, goatee, pot belly, T-Shirt he actually kind of looks like Hidoh or that guy in MOEBIUS who smokes multiple cigarettes. He has himself a nice dirtbag rudo offense too, with the super high tree of woe dropkick (which busts Marafuji's nose), headscissors, and a mule kick to the nuts. Inoue is pretty useless as usual but they did some nice doubleteams. Shiga is Shiga with all that entails, while Marafuji was the spunkier of the two and actually looked like a good little junior-heavyweight, must be the new pants.

Ogawa/Kakihara/Ikeda vs. Asako/Yoshihiro Takayama/Omori
This is the redebut of Team No-Fear and they have matching died blond hair and white trunks and looked very Southern. like a stable invading Continental to take on the Fuller brothers, all they needed was Downtown Bruno to be their mouthpiece. Ikeda who is one of the best wrestlers in the world was burdened with a cape and huge oversized sword, which is the 70's guy Mike Awesome of Japanese gimmicks. With his new hair Takayama looks eerily like an early 80's Hulk Hogan and he has the moveset to back it up, I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the back rake and hammerlock takedown. The match itself was really long and pretty boring, with the only real highlights being the UWFI style encounters between Kakihara and Takayama. Kakihara looked awesome in this match and it is a shame he is leaving puroresu to become a shooter, lets hope he more Takada then Sakuraba and he ends up in BattlArts or All Japan. The rest of this match wasn't that great as Ikeda looked sluggish, probably tired from hauling that sword.

Jun Akyama/Kenta Kobashi vs. Mitsuhara Misawa/Akira Taue
The big four look pretty much the same as always, although Jun has switched from Blue to White and has put in some Sun In. The big newsworthy part of this match happens in the first fall. Misawa and Akayama start the match with some amateur mat wrestling, Akayama goes for the pin and Taue and Kobashi come in, Kobashi hits Taue with a lariat and then hits Misawa with a Cobra suplex, Akayama then hits a DDT and a front neck choke for the win. I am all for reintroducing submissions in NOAH, one of my big problems with recent All Japan is that the submission had completely disagreed which meant that the crowd would die when a submission was put on. However I still thought the finish to this match strained credibility. The mighty Misawa who we have seen kick out of hundreds of brutal bumps, goes down in five minutes to a DDT and what appears to be a front facelock, it just seemed like too much, too soon. The rest of tag match was pretty typical All Japan fare, with Akira Taue being the standout. Taue was kingsized, kicking everyone in the face, doing a diving boot off the ring apron, nodowa on the stage and a superfly splash, Misawa didn't wrestle much after the choke out, and the match was carried and carried well by Taue. Akayama got the second straight fall, and the monster push by pinning Akira with an exploder. He then lays out Kobashi after the match to establish his heelness. Despite my issues with the superman push for Akyama, it was a good match and hopefully the submission trend will continue, in a more believable way.

!@!@!@!@!@! Onita Pro on SAMURAI TV! 3/14/00
(DEAN RASMUSSEN)
Onita Pro is the biggest and best showcase of pathetic Japanese indie sleaze that you can find on the tape-trading market today.  Onita Pro is pretty harrowing in it's variation of Indie Sleaze quality and consistency.  It's kinda like they are making hot dogs.  Some taste normal, some taste like snouts and cowlips.  It is the DUTY of your reviewer to tell you- the beloved reader- WHICH are okay to bite into and WHICH are so many hooves and intestinal linings.

Tomoya Adashi/ Kengo Takai vs. Yusaku/ Casas
Casas is all over the indies everywhere and he is the most misidentified wrestler around. Hell, I got two different spellings on the two matchlists I stole- both from the same site.  Here, you can actually make out the announcer calling him CASAS so you now know what to avoid.  He has the worst mask in Japan- a thoroughly shitty hybrid of Super Delfin and Hayabusa.  Sorta like what Hayabusa's mask looked before the Micheal Jackson-level nosejob. Casas is not good in this match but he does some halfbaked highflying that get him through without raising my ire or developing a deep hatred.  You can count his ribs if you get bored at his attempts to wrestle.  Tomoya Adashi is Nise Magnum Tokyo from ZIPANG and- MANOMAN DOES HEEEEEEEE SUK.  He does all these super-stinky attempts at Lucha Libbre and does it as crappy as possible without actually blowing spots.  He also does these lame elaborate posing spots that are endlessly annoying.  The meat of the match is done by Yasaku- who is all over the Big Dos Mil wrestling tapes as he permeates DDT and Onita Pro extensively- and Kengo Takai who was that one guy on that appeared once in that first wave of DDT tapes, for those scoring on the Japan Indie Sleaze Scorecards at home.  Yasaku is the DDT guys that looks like a deroided Kojima in THIS-  the last time I will ever use the worn out comparison to Kojima.  Here, he is dressed like Johnny grunge- as is most everyone in Japanese Independent Wrestling these days.  That one match in IWA against the Pitbulls must have had a burning effect in getting Public Enemy over in the minds of future two-bit Japanese wrestlers.  Yasaku and Takai kick it Old School with lotsa a stiff kicks and chops that leads in to a nice little Puroresu by numbers match.  Casas and Adashi come in and fuck everything up by doing the aforementioned horrible Adashi spots.  Yusaku and Takai are actually good.  Casas seems like he will land wrong for your enjoyment and Adashi I fear like Sid Vicious title run.

Bushido V3 vs. Naoshi Sano
HEY! It's Naoshi Sano- possibly the entire roster of SPWC!- mixing it up IN AN ACTUAL RING with Bushido Version 3! NAOSHI SANO TOLD HIS MOM TO MAKE HIM SOME RICKY MORTON PANTS!  I AM PREPOSTEROUSLY STOKED!  Bushido VERSION THREE drives right into the center of my heart by doing my favorite indie retardo bump of year:  Bushido goes for the Asai Moonsault because he does the kick to the head of his opponent while standing on the apron that anyone who does the Asai Moonsault always does- thus signally to the crowd that the Asai Moonsault is forthcoming.  Naoshi Sano- not used to these unmanly things called wrestling rings- reacts wrong and wanders to the left of the ring.  Bushido- at a loss- improvises with a move YOU KNOW THAT HE HAS NEVER TRIED BEFORE- as he runs off the apron and tries to somersault onto our hero, Naoshi.  This, of course, leads to Bushido landing DIRECTLY ON THE POINT OF HIS SHOULDER!  It's ABSOLUTELY GREAT!  I LAUGHED! I CRIED! I FELT GOOD ALL OVER!  Maybe they will snap off Bushido Version Four's shoulderblade and attach it to Version three so he can get on with his career.  The rest is perfectly fine, totally forgettable pro wrestling.  Bushido has the superhideous outfit that he mollifies completely by having the rock ass 1994 Black Tiger blond mullet sticking out the back of his mask.  Naoshi does hit some memorable suplexes in retrospect as this is kinda like a really good 1998 WCWSN match- but with stupider high spots. There! In a nutshell.

Takeshi Sasaki vs. FM-Taro:
This match is REALLY fucking good. Doron Diamond nailed it WAAAY back when the DDt tapes first hit our shores- SASAKI IS THE BOMB- especially as one sees more of my pick- Makami- isolated in matches not with the GOOD DDT guys (as Makami's match against Takegi in DDT was absolutely horrid).  FM-TARO is now unmasked and is suddenly really impressive in this match- all signs that Sasaki is really great because when we last saw FM-TARo, he was losing his mask in a match with Azteca that was the most uninspired mask-vs-mask match since the goat-blowing Super Calo vs Winner's mascara contra mascara crapfest of 1995. Without the mask, FM-TARO looks like the non-Billy Corbin guitar player in the Smashing Pumpkins (possibly without the history of heroin abuse).  He is lanky and thin and seems to be triple jointed.   Here, he and Sasaki take it to the mat and it's all Lucha cool- which is weird with Sasaki's propensity to rule so perfectly in the Puro /Strong /Shoot styles.  The key to the match is that Sasaki reels in FM-TARO with huge wads of wrestling to build up to a big highspot.  the first one is when it starts all old school as they work out of an armbar to take it to the mat, where it gets all El Dandy vs Black Warrior level in it's lucha coolness.  It gets to the mat and stays on the mat as each gets the upper hand as they mangle a body part.  Sasaki lets FM-Taro up to do this New Japan Heavywieght Run Into The Ropes CHALLENGE! where Sasaki knocks over TARO and TARO kips up and says to go to the ropes again. The third time leads to the big pay off as Sasaki dropkicks FM-TARO right in the JIMINY-WINKY!!!!  and follows it up by doing the ALREADY patented Best Motherfucking Dropkick In Wrestling right into the face of the writhing-on-one-knee FM-TARO.  It's motherfucking choice and FABULOUSLY  set up to make the dropkick pop off the screen, right into your own aghast mug. Sasaki knows that high spots need to be 3-D and that you have to throw the right things at the screen at key times for the effect to work.  From there it goes completely Memphis as they punch each other in the stomach to set up Sasaki stomping on TARO to set up a rear chinlock to set up a bodyslam by Takeshi to set up TARO making the MEMPHIS Comeback of punching Sasaki more than Sasaki is punching TARO! (The Memphis Comeback theory is totally intellectual property of Fat Ass Dave Layne who has seen more Memphis wrestling than probably even Jerry Lawler and I steal it here without even a phonecall.  Thank you, Dave.)  All this sets up FM-TARO hitting a NASTY looking elbow across Sasaki's nose to set up his perfectly graceful but totally smoked Dropkick.  Sasaki gets the advantage by kicking Taro very hard into the corner, hitting a DDT and then hitting a super fine Brainbuster to set up a toprope finisher that FM-TARO musters the energy to block.  FM-TARO is blocked at the top turnbuckle by Sasaki and but FM-TARO hits a weak dropkick while being pushed to the mat.  Sasaki falls to the floor and FM-TARO completely botches a Sasuke Special- BUT!!!!! before you can say "Boy these green guys were doing really well but MAN! did they fuck this match up right quick"  FM-TARO does the best recovery you will ever see by hitting the fucking I MEAN SPECTACULAR Springboard Plancha to the Second Row that makes you forget your own name, much less that he blows the Sasuke Special.  FM-TARO follows up with a Saggs-level sloppy toprope Elbow after throwing Sasaki's corpse into the ring, which he follows with a perfectly fine superkick for two.  A powerslam and an elbow sets up a BEAUTIFUL Shooting Star Press to Nowhere by the unduly thin  FM-TARO.  Sasaki goes for his running Northern Lights Bomb while TARO is down after crushing TARO with a gnarly Lariat but TARO counters the Bomb into a roll-up.  Sasaki kicks out and counters a Superkick by TARO with a Nasty Lariat.  Sasaki hits his finisher and the end of a superfine match is at hand.  Sasaki is WAAAAY polished and psychologically sound.  His moves ROCK and he knows where to place them.  He sets up moves better than most anyone in the indies.  He is a force to be reckoned with in the mighty world of Japan Indie World.  FM-TARO looks to be a good up-and-coming highflyer, but I'd have to see him in a good match against someone other than a proven quantity like Sasaki since his match aginst Azteca was so poo-filled.

Nobutaka Araya/ Masaji Aoyagi/ Mitsunobu Kikuzawa vs. Sanshiro Takagi/ Exciting Yoshida/ Sambo Asako
Sambo Asako has most fabulous rack in Japan!  WOOOO-HOOO! BOOBIES! The big thing about this match is that this is the first time I 've seen the astoundingly underrated worker- Nobutaka Araya- since he broke his neck.  Aoyagi is the crying guy from old old FMW.   DDT boys Sasaki and Yoshida turn their back on the buxom Sambo Asako when he tries to tag out so the first part of the match is Araya, weepy boy and the man with the suddenly luxurious hair from DDT- Kikuzawa- beating the hell out of their grandfather.  Takegi gets in and he is the epitome of average so my mind glazes over until my personal stupid favorite- Exciting Yoshida- gets in the ring and hits it like Mike Jackson the Alabama Junior Heavyweight Champ.  In a technically masterful sequence, Yoshida stomps Kikuzawa's testicles into oblivion.  In the first big transition, Kikuzawa begins stomping Yoshida's testicles to the point of de-exciting Yoshida, one would think.  And there is more testicle stomping.  Finally the testicle stomping ends and we all mourn its passing.  Aoyagi crushes Yoshida's orbital socket with a fat ass spinning kick to the face  that Yoshida takes like a man.  Araya- who has put on fiftyish pounds since the WAR days, takes Sambo Asaka back to his youth by hitting a Vertical Suplex.  Four minutes of the match is then COMPLETELY AAA'd and we go to the finishing stuff which is a dog's breakfast of assorted wrestling approximations- until Araya hits the fattest Moonsault in the land on the oldest guy in the building.  SLEAZTASTIC~!

Barbed Wire Street Fight Tornado Handicap Double Hell Tag Death Match: Atsushi Onita/Dick Togo/Shigeo Okamura/Onita jr./Nice Onita vs.Ichiro Yaguchi/Shoji Nakamaki/Great Kendo/Viking Taniguchi/Fake Yaguchi/Nise Kaijo
This match is kinda like a a postcard from all the guys you loved from 1993-1996.  Let's see what everybody is up to!  Hey, I love Dick Togo more than anyone on earth. He's on screen about 43 seconds in this match so this match really sucks dick.   Ichiro Yaguchi is Japan's most evil Christian and he and Onita walk around a whole lot.  Onita really sucks without Masato Tanaka, Terry funk or Hayabusa carrying him.  Nakamaki is still doing really lame DDTs.  NISE KAIJO?!?!?  Who is KAIJO?  Why does he have a Nise?  Isn't that like having a Nise Dusty Wolfe?  Am I crazy?  I love the fact that the camera crew refuses to try to make any sense of this. There's this real fat guy with a Side-shaved Mullet and I'm hoping that he is Viking Taniguchi- because that is a great name.  This match is one of the worst things I've ever seen committed to tape.  The highlight of the match is trying to get a shot of Dick Togo's DICK WORLD t-shirt.  Other than that, this match is complete flaming buckets of shit.

Get the Sasaki vs FM-TARO match when it shows up on compilation tapes.  Everything else you could live your whole life without seeing.  But the Sasaki match is really good. REALLY GOOD.

#$#$#$#$ Battle Station - Battlarts 3/14/00- King & Queen Tournament - ARSION & Battlarts mix 6 man tournament
(REV RAY DUFFY)
I reviewed this last year when it was JWP and BAT BAT. Now it's ARSION! Sweet.

Rd 1 : Yuki Ishikawa/ Candy Okutsu/ Ai Fujita v. Team MOBIUS (Takeshi Ono/ Etsuko Mita/ KAW*KAW)
Team Mobius is consisting of the rag tag group of indy scum that is Masao Orihara's own little promotion, where Mita slums as their "beautiful Secretary" when not beating up people as part of the LCO. KAW*KAW is a random indy scum guy in a mask, blink and you might miss him as Ishikawa takes him out in 11 seconds with a choke sleeper much to Ono's disgust. Ishikawa calls in Mita to face him. Of course, he greets her by laying down in the ring in his best Joe Namath slingshot bikini brief pose. "Hello, Baby." This of course becomes a problem when Mita is laughing a bunch when trying to lock up with someone who taught Pepe LePew everything he knows about women. Ishikawa ends up taking Mita to the mat and gets on top for what is usually a jujigatame spot, but Mita's more concerned about covering her chest than the arm bars. As she covers up, Ai and Candy run in and put her in a double jujigatame as Yuki cops a cheap feel. When Candy tags in Mita escapes and tags to Ono, who gets the gas pedal (where you grab someone's legs, sit back on the and drive your foot into their groin) on Cand. Of course, the gals take advantage as Ono tries to be a dick and all and ends up on the recieving end of about 8 low blows. Ishikawa gets Ono in a kneebar and then drags Ono all the way across the mat so that he get close to Mita so she can tag back in. Ai Fujita looks pretty good in this as this is my first time seeing her hitting his spots pretty cleanly. They do sort of a funny spot where Mita's going to powerbomb Fujita, Ishikawa comes in to make the save, of course, thinking that he's going to kiss her, he instead opts just to hit her with a headbutt. Fujita ends up getting eliminated when the CAZAI member hold Mita for Ishikawa to charge, but when she breaks free, Ishikawa can't stop his hormone driven momentum and ends up landing on top of Fujita and getting piled on for the elimination. Ishikawa and Ono face off next in your manditory kick you and punch you in the face segment to make it a true Battlarts tape. Ono gets eliminated following a spot where he does his corner knee spot where he goes over the ropes and lands on the apron. He goes for a springboard move, but Fujita hooks his legs, opening him up to an enzugiri by Ishikawa and sending him to the floor and gone. The rules to this are a bit weird as I think it's battle royal rules as well, but if you hit the floor you're gone, but even if you're standing on the floor, if you're holding the ropes, you're in. In the end, Mita is eliminated when she tries to throw Candy over the top, but Candy holds onto the ropes and with Ishikawa's help dumps her out.

Rd 1 : Alexander Otsuka/ Mariko Yoshida/ Yumi Fukawa v. Mohammed Yone/ Mari Apache/ Fabby Apache
Yoshida ends up starting out with Yone who starts out with a comical challenge to Yoshida, who has nothing to do with it and immediately takes Yone to the mat working towards a kneebar. This one is a bit more focused towards the wrestling as the women square off and show what they can do, which is pretty good aside from a weird looking move that Yoshida gave Fabby (it looked like she was going for an Angel's Wings style underhook facebuster, but Mari landed on her feet for some reason). Alexander gets involved to save Yoshida from a complex lucha submission by Mari which sort of looked like a Regal Stretch, but not quite, with a light headbutt. Alexander powers out of a rana attempt trying to set up a triple teaming move, but the save is made by Mari's partners, leading to a rana. Yoshida is first eliminated as she takes a few team moves by the Apaches, followed by a second rope leg drop by Yone and 2 Michinoku Drivers from Mari to get pinned. Fabby is next to go as Alexander gets her in a giant swing setting up Yumi getting the jujigatame on. Fukawa gets eliminated as she holds Mari for a Alexander drop kick that misses. She ends up taking an enzu-lariato from Yone and gets eliminated with a la majistral by Mari. The finish comes pretty fast after that. Alxander works with Mari a little bit before throwing her out over the top to the floor (she landed on the apron, then fell to the floor), they then had Yone run right in and lariat Alexander over the top, with Yone teetering on the ropes and Alexander on the apron, Alexander headscissors Yone out to the floor, winning the match.

The next match on this tape was Ikuto Hidaka v. Katsumi Usuda for the J-Cup spot for Battlarts, but Dean steals it from me in the previous DVDVR. It is still a pretty cool match, but Battlarts mocks me by listing the other names in the tournament and I sit there going "Damn it! Asian Cougar was in this tournament and I didn't get to see him." I will point out that the announcers do mention "Shooter" Tony Jones during the course of the match, but I have no idea what the context of it is.

Finals : Ishikawa/Candy/Fujita vs. Yoshida/Otsuka/Fukawa
Yoshida and Ishikawa start it off in a totally serious manner with both taking it to the mat and working through a series of reversals and holds on the mat. Of course, the seriousness stops when Yumi gets tagged in. She gets shoved in the corner and Ai and Cnady hit a double kneebar on her spreading her legs so, Yuki takes a seat and brings a whole new spin on the phrase "working stiff". Alexander comes in for the save, but he stops and ends up gawking as well, resulting in Yoshida running in and slapping him in the head for being a perv. They work a bit where Yuki gets Otsuka into la Tapatia and the gals stomp on Alexander's groin. He gets hung in the tree of woe and ends up on the receiving end of a testicular claw by Ai as Candy has to restrain Yuki as either a) he thinks this is going to far or b) he wants to sign up for a piece of that action. Anyway, the joking stops when Yoshida tags in and stretches Candy. Candy works a bit against Yumi as well before Yuki tags in. He ends up getting trapped by the women who give him a double jujigatame and Otuska sits on his head. Otsuka tries to convince Yoshida to sit on Ishikawa's head, she doesn't seem to want to be part of these goofy shennanigans, but the crowd chants her name and she sets up the spot, but Ai and Candy talk her out of it and she opts to stomp on Ishikawa's face. Alexander and Yuki go at it. Alexander gets Ishikawa over the top rope and winds up for the big headbutt to knock him off the apron, but instead threatens to kiss Ishikawa which gets a huge laugh from the crowd as Ishikawa hangs on for dear life while tried to avoid being smooched by the guy who's usually dropping him on his head. Eventually, Ishikawa falls victim to the double kiss by Yoshida and Fukawa and gets kicked off the apron. Ai is eliminated not to far after as she hits a la majistral on Alexander but he rolls through and gets an ankle lock for the submission, leaving Candy to go 3 on 1. They set up on the sitting on the head spot again, which is pretty funny because Yoshida sets up the spot by commanding Alexander to do the armbar first in a very stoic manner. Almost a Ben Stein-esque "Come on laughing boy, we'll do your comedy spot". Yoshida sits on Candy's head, then Yumi, then Alexander goes to do it, but ends up getting bit on the ass. Candy ends up surviving a bit and ends up eliminating Alexander when he takes a drop kick to the outside by Yoshida and hitting the floor after hanging onto the ropes and Candy biting his hands. Yumi is next to go after Candy catches her in some sort of hold as the referee has his back turned with Yoshida, Ishikawa runs in and I'm assuming makes some faces of some sort at Yumi (his back was to the camera), but it creeped her out enough for her to yell "GIVE UP! GIVE UP!" rather than be subjected to whatever he was threatening. Hey, Yuki, No means no! This leaves Candy and Mariko to go at it. They work a bunch of quick falls with Candy escaping the Air Raid Crash and hitting a bunch of near falls with roll ups and a lyger bomb. Eventually, Yoshida catches her and puts her in sort of a Texas Clover Leaf that Alexander had been using for the win.

I dunno, I always get a chuckle out of these type matches. Maybe it's because it seems like the parties involved seem to get a laugh out of it too. This generally blows the U.S. mixed matches out of the water because one thing, the female wrestlers are wrestlers and not just eye candy. Even when mixed in with the guys, they can hold their own. Yeah, there's a lot of comedy and it's low brow and stuff, but it still a good time. Not recommended for those who solely live on workrate, but if you can appricate a comedy match, it's good for a chuckle or too. This is like high impact comedy.

$%$%$%$%$ MICHINOKU SATO-DELFIN CLASSICS COMM TAPE
(PETE STEIN)
I'm kickin' it old-school for 123, taking it back to the halcyon days of 1993 when Michinoku Pro was the INDY SCUM promotion of record.  You know, back when the promotion had no money, working in front of tiny yet enthusiastic crowds night after night, barely staying afloat- what?  They haven't changed?  Pre-match promos by SATO, Delfin and Mr. Toyota (Wally Yamaguchi's heel manager gimmick- imagine a Japanese Downtown Bruno in a jogging outfit and Mr. Pogo facepaint) prove that no matter which part of the world you're on, it's still Indy Scum to me... especially when you get a load of the KING-SIZED mullet SATO's sporting under the hood.

SATO vs. SUPER DELFIN (Somewhere in Japan, 9/28/93):
Delfin jumps SATO at the bell and sends him to the floor where Toyota just *wastes* him with a kendo stick to the ribcage.  Delfin sends SATO through the arena doors and CUTS A PROMO on SATO, which leads to a cute bit where he apparently grabs a reporter from the back wall and makes him write his story from one of the ringposts.  SATO comes back with a bunch of near-falls early which Toyota keeps breaking up, which finally leads to Delfin going on the offensive for the better part of the match.  SATO makes his comeback from out of nowhere by hitting a cross-body after getting whipped to the buckles, then sends Delfin to the floor and shows off his fat-boy high-flying by running up the ropes and hitting a crazy flip dive to the floor on Delfin.  Back inside SATO ejects Delfin again and goes for a tope, but Toyota trips him up and keps him busy so Delfin can mosey over with the stick and work him over.  Delfin holds SATO so Toyota can do a plancha, but of course SATO moves, heads back inside while Delfin and Toyota argue, and blasts both rudos into the crowd with the tope; somehow SATO gets back inside and Delfin gets counted out at 11:06.  Not much of a match... best part of it is Ted sporting the boss Grampus Eight jersey for a ref shirt.

MASCARA CONTRA MASCARA:  SATO vs. SUPER DELFIN (12/10/93):
So we go from an anticlimactic COR win for SATO to this???  Missing two months of filler there, boys!  SATO controls the early goings, hitting a nasty backdrop on Delfin and planting him with a hot DDT.  Crowd is already white-hot just over 5 minutes in as SATO gets a ton of near-falls.  SATO takes Delfin over with an ipponzei and goes for a jujigatame but Delfin works his way out of it. SATO continues to dominate until Delfin catches him with a superkick that sends SATO outside, and follows with a plancha.  Both roll back in where Delfin sort of hits the Tornado DDT on SATO after the two battle it out; Delfin signals for the Clutch only to immediately get rolled up for a near-fall.  SATO follows with a beautiful turning powerslam, dropkicks Delfin outside and hits the flip dive again.  SATO starts to hit near-fall after near-fall but Delfin keeps kicking out of them... something like eight in a row, including the senton bomb.  SATO hits two more turning powerslams for near-falls and goes for the senton bomb again at the 15-minute mark, but this time Delfin moves.  Delfin crumples SATO like an accordion with a powerbomb; SATO kicks out, but Delfin follows with the Monkey Special I and gets the pin to take SATO's mask at 15:50.  Good Lord- Delfin used "Pomp and Circumstance" for music back then???  Fun match with a ton of heat- a good sign considering this was probably the first "big match" in M-Pro's history.

SATO/ GREAT SASUKE/ TAKA MICHINOKU vs. SUPER DELFIN/ JINSEI SHINZAKI/ GRAN NANIWA (1/14/94):
Aw man, handheld footage on a motherfucking commercial tape?  This is basically the finish with a triple dive by the tecnicos seguing into SATO and Delfin brawling on the floor.  Quick cut to SATO chairing Delfin and hitting two powerslams for the pin at 25:22, roughly 90 seconds of which made it onto this tape.  WTF?!?!

SATO/ GREAT SASUKE/ SHIRYU vs. SUPER DELFIN/ JINSEI SHINZAKI/ GRAN NANIWA (Korakuen Hall 2/4/94)
Much better, thankyouverymuch. The Korakuen regulars were always Hamada's best customers when his Universal promotion was still in business; the crowds haven't changed and Delfin is yukking it up as he is wont to do.  Naniwa soaks in a big "NANIWA" chant, then graciously steps aside so his opponent Shiryu can get a chant of his own.  Screw a detailed review, I just want to sit down and watch this because it's THE prototype for all of the great trios matches that became M-Pro's hallmark.  SATO does a great sequence with Naniwa and Delfin, grabbing Naniwa's hand, running the ropes, hitting a missile dropkick on Delfin and arm-dragging Naniwa at the same time.  unbe-freaking-lieveable.  The action never stops as these six work at Mach 5 for the better part of a half-hour, throwing out every spot they know and every whimsical comedy bit you love until we get a dive trainwreck and Sasuke hits a quebrada (Lionsault) to pin Naniwa at 25:32.  Postmatch Delfin talks smack at SATO and beans him with the house mic, leading to a schmozz and...

MASCARA CONTRA CABALLERA:  SATO vs. SUPER DELFIN (Osaka 3/4/94)
Delfin plays a little too much to the crowd at the start, which leads to SATO dropkicking him to the floor from behind and following with a tope.  SATO controls the early part of the match to the point where the fans start to rally behind top rudo Delfin big-time... this actually isn't a major surprise since Delfin's from Osaka so he's the hometown boy here.  Delfin finally comes back with a beautiful standing dropkick that sends SATO to the floor and follows with a plancha.  SATO sneaks in La Magistral for a near-fall, but Delfin comes back with the botched Tornado DDT again and gets the Delfin Clutch for 2.  SATO comes back by dropkicking Delfin and hitting the flip dive to the floor; he follows up with a series of near-falls, which is when I realize that they're basically doing the previous singles match all over again.  This time they do a different finish:  SATO hits three straight powerslams and goes for a Frankenstein, but Delfin either nuts him or gives him a nodowa in mid-air and rolls him up for the flash pin from out of NOWHERE at 16:26... based on the way Sasuke and crew are protesting I'd say the former.  Postmatch brawl results in Shinzaki CRUSHING Sasuke with a chokeslam, but the tape runs out before we get the cueballing.  Feh.

Not the greatest M-Pro tape in the world, but I'd say it's worth getting just for the trios match from Korakuen.  Now I must have a few words with Lynch on how that last part got cut off...

#$#$#$#$#$#$ Revolution Pro Handheld- 7/7/00
(PHIL SCHNEIDER)
California is the most multicultural state in the country, the large Mexican population has had a real paradigm shifting affect on the culture. Wrestling is affected as well and California Independents have a heavy Lucha Libre influence. Whether it is actually Lucha workers in the main events (WPW) or just a lot of Lucha style workers (APW), hell even the porntastic XPW has Rey Mysterio Sr., Damien and Halloween. Revolution Pro however comes by their Lucha influence in a very odd way, instead of taking there inspiration 60 miles South, they embrace the middleman and grab huge chunks from promotions 3000 miles to the East. Revolution Pro at times seems like a Michinoku Pro cover band, wrestlers take moves, gimmicks and match style straight off the GAORA tapes, they even have the tiny Michinoku Proesque crowds.

Matt Sinister vs Anthony Hart:
Hart is debuting and this is a basic new guy sqaush (in furtherance of the metaphor think of Sinister as Wellington Wilkins Jr. and Hart as a pre DAILO QUALIT Seno). Both guys are much bigger then most of the roster, with Sinister being introed at 300 pounds. Not much from either, although it looks like Sinister can mat wrestle a bit.

Rising Son/Buddy George vs. El Gallinero/Kid Chrome:
Rising Son has a Japan gimmick with a neat mask  (you can tell that the guys took advantage of a real Lucha mask maker, because there outfits and masks completely smoke the average Indy scum mask) and is all kinds of cool and highflying, although a little sloppy. Buddy George is a fat guy with seemingly little redeeming value and his left coast Cueball Carmicheal stylings seem very out of place in a purolucha fed. Kid Chrome is one of a seemingly endless number of U.S. Indy guys with major Hardy envy, complete with swanton bomb, long greasy hair, tight gay dance club shirts and baggy plenty-of-room-for amyl nitrate pants.  El Gallinero has some sort of comedy gimmick, think Yone Genjin or Stoker Ichikawa or don’t think about it and just use your fast forward button when this guy comes on the screen, that’s what I did and it worked out dandy. This match had two parts, you had Chrome and Son doing a highflying junior match, then you had the fat guy and the funny guy, being all fat and funny. Rising Son did wrap his head with yellow Caution tape before doing a twisting top rope senton to the floor, which was kind of cool, before losing some points by completely missing a swanton bomb yet still going right to the finish. I dug Son and too a much lesser extent Chrome, but this match wasn’t worth writing home about.

Disco Machine vs. Excalibur
Disco Machine is biting Magnum Tokyo down to the dance moves and mask, while Excalibur does about a dozen CIMA moves, so this is basically the worst version of Magnum Tokyo vs. CIMA you will see. There are entire sections of this match taken directly from CIMA v. Tokyo matches, all though they aren’t done nearly as well. I suppose this is better then biting say Jeff Jarrett v. Kevin Nash, but if I wanted to see this match I could watch the Japanese guys do it better.

Mr. Excitement vs. Donovan Morgan
Donovan Morgan is an APW mainstay and quite a good worker (we even had him at 100 in the DVD 500, although he is dropping some in the new one), and you can tell he is trying pretty hard with Mr., but it ain’t going to happen. Mr. Excitement not only looks tentative and sloppy in the exchanges (which it is pretty obvious that Morgan is taking him by the hand in) but doesn’t do anything particularly exciting. That is right up there with having suicide in your name and not taking any bumps. Excitement gets fed Nosawa and Kikuzuwa on the other show I have and was similarly uninspired, I think Morgan v. Dragon or Ultrataro would be really good, but this right here wasn’t.

Super Dragon vs Ultrataro Jr.
Super Dragon is the ace of this promotion, and had the whole Sasuke black body suit, red belt thing in full force, although he had a fucking great looking Gold Dragon down the front of the outfit and on the mask. Ultrataro Jr. has a pretty cool mask and seems to playing a Super Delfin role, with Disco Machine and Excalibur at ringside as his Dolhpin Gundun. The match starts with some hammerlock reversals, mat wrestling and rope running , but gets to the spots quick, with Ultrataro sending Dragon outside with a headscissors and missing a slingshot tope con hilo, hitting his henchman, then Dragon hits a tornado plancha on all three. They then go into one of the cooler things I have seen this year, as Dragon puts Ultrataro in a rocking chair submission and bashes his head into the drywall in whatever basement they are wrestling in. They then exchange offensive moves back and forth with Ultrataro Jr. taking advantge mostly through  counters, including turning  a powerbomb attempt into a fameasser, a Tiger Driver into a  rana and a top rope back suplex into a bodypress, Taro also hit a jumping spinning DDT, and a top rope neck breaker while Dragon spent the meat of the match selling. The end came with Dragon hitting a counter of his own, as he reverses a Dragon suplex attempt into a german suplex which he rolled into a released german suplex, which dumped Taro right on his head. With the big advance in dangerous moves, athletic highspots, crazy bumps and outlandish garbage spots in recent years, it takes something pretty big to make me yell holy shit, stuff that would have gotten that response two years ago are now being no sold by Kobashi in the first two minutes of a NOAH match, but Dragon’s finisher got that Holy Shit response. He puts Taro up in a torture rack and spins him around into a reverse Michinoku Driver which has Taro landing unprotected with his bodyweight on the back of his neck. It was totally balls out, and Ultrataro gets much props for taking it. This match was really fucking great, the spots were complex and high end and they where all hit cleanly (unlike the tag match later on the next show, which they blow a third of everything they try), the selling wasn’t great but they did a better job then most. Not as good as Modest v. Daniels 2, but right above Daniels v. Scoot Andrews and Jardi Franz + Vinny Massaro v. West Side Playaz 2000 for Indy match of the year. The rest of the show can be skipped but you want to see this.

%^%^%^%^%^ ONITA PRO 6/14/00 (taped 5/21 Tokyo)
(DEAN RASMUSSEN)

Atsushi Onita vs Nise Onita
Onita takes the Nise part of Nise Onita to heart and wrestles like Fake Onita is using fake wrestling- thus Onita sells like Kensuke Sasaki sold pro wrestling when Sasaki wrestling Atsushi Onita.  I guess it's cool that he wrestled his Nise, since his Nise has cancer.  I'll just leave it at that.

FM-TARO/ Yusaku/ Kendo Takai vs Takashi Sasaki/ Daisaku/ Casas
This was a good little match until they decide to hack out the entire middle of the match to give it that New Japan Juniors Clipped-to-Nothing feel.  This starts off waaay promising with FM-TARO and Sasaki picking up where they left off by taking it to the mat differently than in their singles match- with it working slow from the arm bar to the mat up to matching dropkicks.  They tag in the real-life twins- Yusasku and Daisaku- who beat the living hell out of each other like they did back in the old days when their parents brought home those bunkbeds.  From there, Takai kinda makes a token headbutt appearance against Casas when FM-TARO tags in and he leads Casas through a semi-elaborate armdrag into a swanky Springboard plancha to the floor by Casas.  From here, they seem to have cut out an entire section of Sasaki vs FM-TARO that I would have liked to have seen.  This kinda races to the finish as TARO and Casas exchange impressive suplexes into bridges.  Yusaku hits a gnarly looking Frogsplash onto the wee wisp of a man called Casas and TARO hits the Shooting Star Press for the finish.  I wanted to see all of this match.  Samurai gave me THIS.

Miss Mongol/ Kadota vs Sambo Asako:
Asako wrestles his cute grandsdaughters and it's quite unnerving.  just buy them ice cream or something next time, Grampa.

Asian Cougar/ Tomoyo Adashi/ El Matematico vs. Heaven/ Nosawa/ Eddy Richard
EL MATEMATICO, DADDY!  Imagine how stoked I was to get this.  That is the coolest mask.  The accessory that I really really really want is the wristbands with "2" and "3" on them.  He and Eddy Richard go super lowgrade Old School lucha with the matwork sequences that I'm guessing they have been doing since 1981 in Mexico- THUS ANYTHING watchable is a million billion stars when done in conjunction with that mask- so A MILLLION BILLION STARS!  Asian Cougar and Heaven hit the high spots.  Heaven is a Japanese Indie Puroluchadore with tiny tiny Daisy Dukes.  He also doesn't get the enough air under his toprope tope and FABULOUSLY crushes his own skull with a resounding thud. Asian Cougar does his legdrops to set up Nozawa's Lucha Foray with Heaven as he finishes off said foray with a very okay Asai moonsault.  El Matematico comes in and shows the youngster how to style like a mutha with the sweeet lucha as he does the double arm rebounding off the toprope stereo armdrag on Nozawa and Eddy Richard.  Adashi comes in and does a Shinzaki toprope walk that he turns into a nice armdrag and follows it with a really nice Quebrada.  It breaksdown into a highspot train with El Matematico hitting the 1979 Rayo De Jalisco Senior Plancha to the floor.  Nozawa hits a Hayashi Tope that Asain Cougar one ups with an Over The Toprope Hayashi Tope.  Nozawa gets El Matematico alone in the ring and gives him the corner Lariat.  He tries for a toprope move but El Mat gets him in the Preposterous Submission where you hold your opponent upside down with his shoulders upside down against your should shoulders while you hold his ankles over your head.  I thoroughly adored this match though I don't know why anyone else would.

Exciting Yoshida/ Sanshiro Takagi vs Nobutaka Araya/ Blackjack Funk
Araya take TWO!~  Hopefully this won't be such a wreck of a match and I can see what my boy Araya has left in the tank.  BlackJack funk is wearing a shortpants bodysuit that is red, white , and blue trimmed with  stars on the side.  All this compliments a blue mask with a yellow diamond, a green spade, a purple heart and blue club.  It is aesthetically appalling, which is the worst thing you can do in wrestling.  Cheesy get-ups are fine, possibly encouraged- but it must always match.    He does The Claw and gets Strangelovian as he uncontrollable attachs it to the ringpost when he misses Exciting Yoshida's head and can't let go. Oooooooooh yeah.  He and Exciting Yoshida do the double lariat spot and we have STEREO GREG THE HAMMER VALENTINE FRONT FACE FLOPS.  Other than that, BlackJack Funk really sucks.  Shinigammi uses up all my Iron Claw goodwill for shitty wrestlers so his comic stylings are lost on me. Yoshida and Funk keep making with the comedy jokes until Araya comes in and reminds everyone that he was trained by Tenryu so he works stiffer than Yoshida or Takagi will ever want to know.  Araya in the final analysis of this match looks out of shape but he still is a quality worker.  Here he establishes his dominance early by destroying Yoshida with a crushing Lariat and  by beating the little bastard to a pulp.  He then gets Excting Yoshida over big by selling his punches to the point that Yoshida can counter an Araya Brainbuster attempt that Araya VADERS into a Vertical Suplex that makes Exciting Yoshida's comeback get an actual pop from the crowd.  Araya later brawls with Takagi- taking a nasty bump into oddly placed fixed shelving that had to suck.  Araya hits a beautifully skull-crushing Brainbuster to set up his ultimate Fatboy Moonsault.  here is where the match loses me.  Takagi kicks out of the obvious finisher and makes a tag and noone is buying it.  From here, it's all a set-up to get keep Yoshida in long enough to make Takagi going over Funk look less completely preposterous.  Araya looked good- if way out of shape- in this match, but the ending is horrible.  Yoshida is good little worker in the classic style who is growing on me every time I see him.    Bad bad bad when it could have been okay okay okay!

Atsushi Onita /Dick Togo /Nise Onita/ Shigeo Okamura/ Mitsunobu Kikuzawa vs Kendo Nagasaki/ Shoji Nakamaki/ Ichiro Yaguchi/ Yase Yaguchi/ Ai Ba Bin  (Barbed Wire Street Fight Tornado Captains Fall Loser Leaves Death Match)
These Onita main events suck as much as pre-Rise Of honma Big japan Main Events.  This one was infinitely better than the one previously reviewed because you actually saw Dick Togo hit two moves- a Somersault Kick To the Head and Tiger Driver (the best executed move on this tape.  Other than that it really sucked. But it had that.  Yes it did.

I dunno.  El Matimatico is ALMOST cool enough to make it a blanket recommendation but you probably want no part of any of this.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEXT WEEK:TORYUMON! TORYUMON! TORYUMON! RYAMA GO! IWRG! GAEA! GAEA~! GAEA! ARSION! OTHER STUFF!
****************************************************
THE DEATH VALLEY PLAYBOYS.
seven fists in the face of wrestling
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
My nerves are buzzing and working
Eyes are flashing and jerking
My feelings on the windshield
Night air as cold as chain mail
Takes me back to the first day
The little girl in you spoke to me
You know, it spoke right to me
Sweet cream dream girl
Too much, it's just like candy
I won't forget it quickly
Blind ride on highway 80
And I think it's time you learn how to drive
Say hi to the big time
Bright lemon lime memories that rhyme
White lace, bracelet charms and silent alarms

-FRIENDS OF THE FAMILY
Scott Miller (Game Theory/ Loud Family)