Welcome to another round of questionable wrestling, fabulous little pants and a thousand jokes about our collective North American repressed sexuallity.
Match #1: Slam Dunk vs. The Asian Invasion
Slam Dunk sucks. But a lot of wrestlers in WOW suck, so I can't single her out just for that. This match does have an astounding Cameltoe Count and the cameraman seeks the wedgie and FINDZ~! the wedgie with mindboggling precision so this is not a total loss in a Silver Lining To Astoundingly Shitty Wrestling match kind of way. The wrestling was REALLY fucking horrible- as Slam dunk fucks up the same move twice in a row. Boy, she is the worst wrestler in WOW. SHE IS THE WORST WRESTLER IN WOW. The justification of the existence of this match: the double wedgie factor and it's extended use to cover up for the fact that Slam Dunk really really sucks as a pro wrestler. Plus it has the Ed Leslie vs Hulk Hogan 1998 level super-horrendously ass-suckingly bad effect going for it.

Ah sweet, Enerx. You give me the highest hanging fastball in all of cheap jokedom.... YES! EnerX! Have the stamina the toast a load for EVERY wrestler on WOW tonite! EnerX! The herbal supplement to foreplay- cut your pre-masturbation ritual down to seconds!

DANGER IS ON THE STICK! Danger is offbeat looking and I find that Seeexxxayyyy! She busts on McLane and says she is TAGGING WITH RIOT! I AM FREAKING OUT! NO PANTS ARE MADE THAT CAN HOLD THE AVERAGE AMERICAN MAN UPON HEARING THE NEWZ~!! Danger has the fun tummy tattoo and she talks shit to everyone! Danger tells McLane that he is on the Highway to Hell. McLane has definately secured a place in the Lake of Fire- but he's in dutch with heaven far more for providing waaay too much jakkit fuel to the youth of America than for anything he has done to the comely DANGER!

Commercials of varying spurting degrees of patheticness.
Match #2: Jane Blond vs. Caliente
Ah Caliente. I stare at her claims to fame and she isn't piercing the kevlar for once- so to speak. I was going to talk about how this was the WOW match you see every time but then Jane Blond hits a Wakegatame (if that REALLY IS a Fujiwara Armbar). Caliente makes the ropes but can't sustain the offensive transistion as Blond actually hits a good dropkick. (Caliente's aforementioned claims to fame are ready for action now- so to speak). She does an adorable bodypress and they go into a bridging reversal into a backslide section that will look actually good in a few months. Blond hits a nice Missile Dropkick and gets the pin. This was WOWgood as it actually tried some stuff that I wasn't expecting- like the clunky bridging sequence and the Fujiwara Armbar. Blond is improving more every week and Caliente was perfectly fine- comical bodypress not withstanding.

ALEX TREBEK! PHONICS! Put down the Skin So Soft and think about your children's future!
Match #3: Wendi Wheels vs. Mystery
They should have given the Goon a cooler name. But they didn't. Mystery has leatherpants- but the unknown masked stranger is a female fantasy archtype so I'm not sure who they are shooting for with Mystery. Maybe they want a whole Goon as Diesel/ Mystery as lipstick combo lesbian fantasy or something. Who can be sure? Who is brave enough to try to think like David McLane? Not me, for one. After nebulous wrestling, Wendi takes a GIANT bump over the top to the floor. Mystery then whips out a Capture and a Fishermans to make this a suddenly fabulous bout of wrestling. Wendi lariats back to offense and then it all goes super Memphis as MISERY makes her debut and joins MYSTERY in duel BLOW-OUTS after the Goon screws the pooch with his/her interference. They are protecting Wendi and that is good since she looks to be one of the growing crop of WOW bumpfreaks.

Julie Day talks to the super hot president of the Lakers. She doesn't threaten to beat Julie Day into oblivion so I lose interest.

TERRI GOLD IS ON THE STICK! She is wearing shiny jeans and THEY RULE! WOO-HOO! Poison and Ice Cold spit in her face!
Match #4, WOW Tag Team Title Tournament: Bronco Billie & Beckie The Farmer's Daughter vs. Riot & Danger
HEY! We have a new winner for Best Wow Match Ever. This match ruled. Beckie DEFINATELY makes the Joshi top fifty. She wrestled for three and bumps like a complete freak to get Riot and Danger over as ass-stompers- especially making Danger's offense look all explosive, leaning into her dropkick and selling her lariat like a total champ with the full backflip. The story of the match is that Riot and Danger can't work like a team and keep undermining the team effort as they try to make themselves look good. Billy and Beckie are duel distaff Ricky Mortons as the story plays out. Beckie gets the hot tag and rules it as the technicos do a perfect impersonation of the RnR Express in 1987 in House A-fire mode- down to the double dropkicks. Danger hits double Uranages but incidentally tags Riot. Riot being the legal woman and not about to let Danger's finisher win the match, goes for the Powerbomb instead of getting the pin. Beckie Benoits out of the powerbomb and rolls up Riot for the pin. McLane gets ALL of this over in the commentary and all I can hope is that Riot and Danger stay a tag team, because they rule as a team. Beckie has a future in this artform after the novelty of tiny pants wear off.

TERRI GOLD is pissed. POISON IS FIRST!

This was the best WOW yet, even with the horrendous first match.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.