I'm pretty stoked today, having returned two pair of $9.99 clearance-rack
Khakis I bought last year to Banana Republic and somehow emerging with $134 in
credit ($68 and $58, plus tax). So my commentary might be too cheery this week
for some, what with me getting fancy new clothes. All apologies...

What Worked

Mother of Pearl. Ecstasy Eric's back with a can of heel heat. He's in with Dave
Taylor, and it's a shame Fit isn't around to paste him (or, if the reports are
to be believed, Evan 'The Striker' Karagias). Taylor holds this shit together
by selling like a trained monkey and anchoring the match on the mat, and Watts'
moves looked crisper than last week in places. An inexplicable USA Chant in
support of WCW's #1 2 Unlimited Fan. Taylor with a spot of Drunkenstyle Kobashi
selling before going over with the butterfly suplex. And he deserved to go over
for carrying this JNCO chump into positive stars and using his +1 to get the
candy raver into the positive side of this column.

I dug the Windham/Hennig locker room interview, as it confirmed that Hennig has
one of the most liberated wardrobes in wrestling (more transgressive by far
than the obvious looks that Saturn sports lately). Tonight he sported a black
vest zipped halfway up, with no shirt underneath. Would it be wrong to send
Wcw.com an email asking Curt to tape me the first Bronski Beat album?

Lodi and Van Hammer had a basic wrestling match and didn't fuck anything up. By
no means did I tape or enjoy this match, but Lodi hit a nice hurracarana and
the annoying "rolling vertical suplex" combo and Hammer hit a slingshot suplex
and the Flashback looked decent for once, so whatever.

So I come in the room from the kitchen, see Bobby Blaze walking out to wrestle
or something, and Tenay's saying something like "Is it a three-way? If it is, I
want to be involved." Disco then comes out in camos and mocks Gangsta Charlie.
Then the really ugly shit starts, and Disco rassles the ballooning Bobby Blaze.
But surprisingly, this was a pretty solid 80s style pro match. And Blaze has
apparently shed his Finlay-lite gimmick and returned to his former style, which
is every bit as generically competent as Blaze himself.

Maybe Zafar Shaikh is onto something when he gives Ernie Miller props. He and
Booker T had a nice little match, though it admittedly was at its best in its
"back-n-forth" moments. It's odd that Miller's weakest stuff is his offense
given his karate experience. It's as if he's scared of working stiff. BT pins
Onoo for the win, which makes sense in that WCW way (cf. Hogan/Vader ---> Hogan
def. Flair), but also makes one wonder if Ernie refused to lay down for Booker.

Blitzkrieg's coming of age continues in a solo outing with Super Calo, who's so
forgotten that even Tenay doesn't build him up anymore. Calo has a spate of
vanilla offense early on, which had the benefit of keeping Blitz from having to
carry things. Calo pops the freaky lucha submission of the evening with a weird
hammerlock variation that Barnett or Goodproduct probably has a name for. Calo
also takes a nice bump when he's dropkicked from the top rope to the floor, and
Blitz naturally vaults from the ring onto the wobbly Calo. Blitz hits a
moonsault off the safety rail onto Calo on the arena floor. Blitz goes over,
and the booker's doing a good job of giving him credible mentors/opponents
until he loses some of his greenness.

The Midgets and Henham and Windig have a slobberknocker. Given the proper
foils, Benoit and Malenko would be regarded as highly as the Midnights once
upon a time. This match was full of good stuff, and not just from the Horsemen
either. Witness the chop exchange between Windham and Benoit or Hennig's
selling of all things Benoit. The ending seemed a bit rushed, but endings
always are in WCWSN main events, so you can't knock the hustle.

What Didn't Work

Bigelow went over Al Green "impressively" in about two minutes. Kick, punch,
squash. Yawn. This looked like every other Bam Bam squash ever, and bored the
stuffing out of me. So, no. It didn't work.

Ah. The 80 year old Disciple gets a junglish entrance theme. And mike time.
"Disciple's in da house, yeah. Wait a second man. Just want to share one little
thing." He ain't with WCW, NWO, OWN no more. We've seen him do his thing out
here, and we know he can do it. If we cheer him, he'll get direction. Creamed
corn! Then Kaos comes out, so you know the match is gonna be fancy. We're
supposed to cheer for Ed Leslie? I still can't get over the mike time (though
it wasn't as surreal as that time on Nitro when he proclaimed his autonomy from
Hulk or something, killed the crowd dead, and probably shifted the balance of
power in the ratings war in the process). Leslie and Kenny discuss derailed
pushes while awkwardly trading armwringers and hiptosses. Leslie pops a
high-impact jawbreaker and a powerslam. More restholds, because these two blow
up taking a shit. Kaos lurched off the top rope (an alleged "springboard") for
the victory. What if Ed became a Horseman?

I like Norman Smiley, and think Rick Steiner's suplexes looked okay here (and
were sold like a champ by Smiley), but squashing Smiley in two minutes makes no
sense to me unless Smiley's just being buried for the heck of it. And Kevin
Nash wonders why half the WCW roster gets no reaction when they come out to
rassle. Well, Bubba. Look at the Super Calo match. Calo hasn't won in three
years, so people know that him going on offense is essentially meaningless and
the crowd dies as a result. The reason I bring Calo up here is because Smiley
was sacrificed for Rick the Crippler's brand new push, and Finlay probably will
be too, and two workers are squashed for Steiner as a result. At least Steve
Austin has the sense not to wrestle people that fuck up spots and break
people's necks and shit.

"The Big Lardass" Tony Gancarski.
I'm forever yours; faithfully.