WCW Saturday Night - 05/09/1999
Sucking hind tit in the workrate report pantheon has its built-in advantages.
For one, I'm not expected to be a factor in the ScoopThis wrestling online
awards fest like grizzled online vets Scaia or Sabu424, so I don't have to
shill their website. For another thing, I can recognize ComixAce's gratitude
for my music recommendations by telling you, one of my 50 or so readers, that
the new releases by Ben Folds, 4 Hero and Looper are well worth owning. Not
much rap in there, so we can surmise that the artists involved aren't just
manipulating records to make scratching noises.
What Worked
Bob Barnett's charge Vampiro and Ciclope jump to it south of the border style.
Starts off slow, a lot of kicks and stuff, not much of the flow or smooth
transitions I expect from lucha wrestling. At times these two seemed to be
waiting for cues, though nice world-class power stuff late in the match sealed
the deal and let this match float to the tippy top. Still, it seems odd that
Barnett excused Vamp's tentativeness on having worked a handful of US style
matches; the same tendencies reared their head against One Ciclope, whom one
would presume is a luchadore.
Congrats and Kudos to WCW for completing the WCWSN set and giving Krusher
Hudson and Russian Bear Tenay a place to sit.
Fit Finlay beats the hell out of Prince Tahitian Treat. Never has a wrestler
made a stiff, exacting moveset look as entirely boring as Fit does at times,
but whatever.
Psicosis/Blitzkrieg rocked, as you'd expect. A surprising amount of armcentric
grappling in the early going. Hudson makes the first WCWSN reference to the
Great Sasuke, which I marked out for. The storyline here is Psic schooling the
young punk. Blitz tried to get back into the match with flashy moves, but
Psicosis has answers for him time and again, bringing the match back to the
mat. Blitz dropkicks Psic out of the ring, then hits Psicosis on the floor with
a tope suicida. The momentum shits, then shifts again; Blitz gets a spate of
offense, but Psic blocks an attempted superplex and goes over with the Alabama
Jam. A solid match which establishes Blitz's role as the skilled up and coming
rookie clearly as it positions Psic over him.
Armstrongs V Vincent/Stevie Ray was pretty good. The usual quiet competence
from the Armstrongs, selling impeccably for the surprisingly credible teamwork
of the NWO team. The NWO folks try to make it a Game Of Numbers, and beat the
Armstrongs via illegal outside interference. But someone misses a kick or
something and hits someone's partner and the Armstrongs' Mulkey push continues.
After the match, Horace and the losing team beatdown the WCW team, with stuff
piledrivers for each man. Stevie's second piledriver exposed the bidness and
about a foot between Armstrong skull and canvas. But the thought was there and
that's enough on this underwhelming WCWSN.
Malenko and Raven was fulll of quality work until the predictable schmozz at
the end. But at this point, it's much more fun to watch these two in tag teams,
which is a testament to their great work in that genre. Luckily Chris Benwar
comes in and attacks Raven, giving us some Horseman Justice.
What Didn't Work
Well, if it's Bobby Eaton in 1999, chances are it's a comedy match. And Disco
Inferno seemed not too long ago to have the skills to pay the bills, but he
pawned them or something. Bobby starts out as a dastardly heel, attacking the
dancing DI before the bell with some fluffy kicks before hitting a decent punch
or two in the corner. But Disco goes on the offense and you notice he wrestles
with all the caution of someone nearly crippled in the past. But that's not the
case. Bobby comes back in. Desultory punches, kicks, and outside the ring
brawling abound. Sloppy match with psychology as sound as a mobile home.
Bam Bam tried to tell me that hardcore matches are wrestling, just hardcore.
Well, I'm a sex symbol, just grotesquely overweight, bedridden, pustulent, and
harelipped.
Monster Meng
enters the ring to fanfare,
Masterblasts Al Greene.
There once was a monster Meng
who never sold a freakin' thing
Al Green wasn't much;
sure was an easy touch.
He jobbed like his namesake sang.
Word up, Mach!, said Silicone George. AW yeah Dig It Slim Jim, replied Macho.
NO CHANCE IN HELL I order this PPV, said Fat Tony. Call it T&A, call it an
inept promo piece nonetheless typical of WCW's approaches to hyping their
increasingly non-commercial PPV product, but I call it offensive crap that
proves the truth of every dowager's advice to their female offspring that
sometimes seeing every aspect of a woman's body just isn't sexy. It appears
that Flair/Madusa V. Savage/George is being set up, judging from Hudson's
comment that Madusa "would make the difference tomorrow night". Tragedy for
you, to quote Front 242.
Jerry Flynn and Barbarian was mindnumbing. Steve Schroeder always seems to
claim to have dinner during the WCWSN Main Event, but I'll bet he found time to
get a bowl of Hamburger Helper during this kettle of insipidly-booked vermin
feces masquerading as a match.
Bring The Pain! Rick Steiner speaks with Mean Gene in the lockerroom. He's
gonna knock the slap off Booker T. All this segment needed was Buff Bagwell in
his Shaska Whatley top hat and Jamison in pink tights and nipple clamps to
exercise its full potential.
Essay Question: What made Fat Tony watch a Simpsons rerun instead of Hak V Bull
Payne? (500-1000 Words; winning entry receives special acknowledgement in next
weeks' report!)
Pipper justifies the committing of Flair. One funny line, where he asserts that
Okerlund has seen Flair naked. Pipper calls Flair RuPaul. Talks about having no
time for the fans' cheers. To hell with this, My Three Sons is on.