WCW Saturday Night - 04/03/1999

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Mailbag: Some guy emailed me, "Why is it that you focus on workrate all the
time? You can't possible (sic) enjoy watching wrestling when you focus on every
move and the anle (sic) of suplexes and not amrkling (sic) out." This is a
workrate report, but in order to work on marking out, I'm going to not review
tonight's main event, a workratey tag affair between Meng/Flynn and
Barbarian/Morrus. I might watch it, or I might just retroactively mark out over
earlier matches (Wow! Did you see that armbar Tough Tom put on Vladimir Koloff?
Ouch!). Good luck to me.

What Worked

Hey. Booker T against the Booker's boy, Ecstasy Eric. Pedestrian 80s offense
from Watts before a BT dropkick. Eric stalls outside the ring. Armtwist and
headlock by Watts. Watts doesn't fuck up his rana this time. More punches
exchanged before a BT axe kick. Watts counters a belly to back with a reverse
bulldog. More cheap heel shit from Watts, then BT's finishing moveset. This was
acceptable and surprisingly full of face pops for Booker, who continues his
tradition of having good matches in Canada or with Canucks. This was actually a
smidgen better than Watts/Taylor the other night, and all indications are that
Watts intends to become DDP or something. Which might not be the worst thing,
as long as he's never expected to hold a match together or supply a match's
heat or starpower.

Al Green has yellow bicycle pants. Scotty Riggs has a sequined sleeveless robe.
Tenay says that the executive committee's been meat-beating behind closed
doors. Green's pants have a streak down where the buttcrack would fall. These
rasslers know their armbars. The referee is controversial. Al Green hits a
neato sickle. Riggs hits a groovy dropkick and sells like Brian Dennehy as
Willy Loman for Green. Series of back elbows from Reverend MasterBlaster,
setting up a nice double underhook suplex. Fivearm, for a finish out of
nowhere. Good work here. Lameass finish.

Disorderly Conduct rassled Chris Adams and Mike Enos. DC double high-5 each
other before the match. Enos hits a neato fireman's carry slam, then hits a
cradle shoulderbreaker with fisherman's buster overtones. The Hangmen hit some
generic, listless doubleteam stuff. The new DC logo reminds me of the Depeche
Mode logo circa Violator. Enos afire with some AJ quality suplex action. Swank
superkick from Adams. Enos finishes DC off with a brutal looking powerslam off
the top rope.

Vincent and Horowitz have a surprisingly heated match filled with solid
offense. Barry chants throughout the match, as he justifies his big contract
north of the border by getting the adulation he's earned over the last two
decades. Gorilla Monsoon phones in to say that "Horowitz surely never goes
without a date on a Saturday night". Good psychology and transitions
throughout, and the match ends with Horowitz's arm bending in an unnatural
manner. Stevie Ray congratulates Vincent for beating the ring veteran Horowitz,
before calling Vincent a fruit booty. Tenay says that he wants some of that
(that being the fruit booty, presumably). Some blood falls from the ceiling.
Pete "Gas" and Ole Anderson run in subsequently with nunchaku, wipe out the NWO
brahs, and spray paint "GCW" on the backs of the fallen warriors. I had no idea
it was invasion angle time again.

"Monday... Sting has a message to the world!" God, I love that. It's like he's
the messiah as rendered by some Trinity Broadcasting Network roody-poo 3 AM
ministry. What they shoulda done was crucified Sting on Thunder, so he could've
risen again on Nitro at around 8:57 PM. What with Easter and Xian symbolism and
all. Four days is three days in Canada, what with the exchange rates and all,
so it would've worked. Paul Tillich could've come in and done guest commentary
with Tully Blanchard. It would've rocked.

Flair/Rey a couple of weeks ago was my early pick for Match of the Year. Ric
Flair was the last man I ever managed.

Fuck yeah, baby! Jericho rassles Hayashi! Kaz flies all over the place,
dropkickin and suicide divin and whatall. These two even make a catapult look
good. Kaz sells a Jericho chop like a gunshot. Only about four minutes, but the
action here was as solid as a Maivia, and not squash like at all. Nitro1996.

Scotty Flamingo and Perry Handsome tag up and use Perry's rockin' entrance
music. Silver King and Scott Armstrong are their opponents and just rule it
like Milosevic and Hussein, baby, just for existing! SK wears a black cowboy
hat, because he's working HEEL. A heel is a bad guy. SK has lost weight. HUGE
Silver King chant, at least in my apartment. Methodical double teaming from
Raven/Saturn. Raven runs the ropes, and Scott lowers the top rope allowing
Raven to float over the top to the arena floor. Scott and King beat the fudge
outta Raven on the floor then in the ring, working really fluidly together. SK
kicks Raven Morton in the face, setting up a missed toprope senton. Hot tag.
Saturn afire. More doubleteaming before the Evenflow. This started off slow,
but picked up once SK and Armstrong went on offense. The last four minutes or
so were really nice. Raven's music at end. Rock on, Johnny Polo!

Fit Finlay and Rick Steiner have a match. The Kitchener crowd holds up
neckbraces when Steiner enters for some reason. All of them, in unison. A
grisly, impressionistic sight. Much like Steiner's diffident offense. Tenay
suggests that Announcer Wars should be settled in the ring ... with a bathing
suit contest. Hudson says that he has to show up for rehearsals. Steiner takes
the mic and says, "I'll get you like I got Buff." The crowd barks and floods
the ring with neckbraces. Fit wrings Steiner's nose and elbows Spotblower
across the bridge. More slobberknocker stuff. Decent belly-to-back suplex from
Steiner. Spotblower bites Finlay. Hudson suggests a three-way between Tenay,
Schiavone, and Heenan. Tenay demurs. Finlay forearms the spit out of Steiner's
mouth, then takes him outside the ring and drops him over the safety rail.
Finlay works over the knee. More stiffness. Finlay leaves the ring, comes back
with a chair, and works over the lovable Gremlin. Weird finish, with Steiner
laid out in the center of the ring and Finlay barking as he leaves.

What Didn't Work

Duncum. Kaos. Pedestrian brawling. Armbar. Pedestrian brawling. Sloppy
saltoesque powerbomb thing from Kenny. Stalling. Tender shoulderbreaker from
the Texan. Chinlock from Junior, because they've been really luchaing it up so
far. More kick and punch from Duncum. More chinlock. Crisp clothesline from
Kaos. Duncum with a Vaderbombish thing from the second rope. Nice
belly-to-belly from Kaos, then he goes to top rope, falls off, gets back up
there, and hits a little springboard clothesline thing for the victory. Some
okay stuff toward the end, but Duncum really opened a can of suckass on the
first two-thirds of this match.

Prince TahitianTreat and Lenny Lane go at it. Lane works the Jericho heel
shtick early on, complete with facials and cheap stalling. Canucks chant the
Great One's name. Smooth mat exchange from the third tier cruisers early on.
Lane hits a weakass clothesline. More pedestrian stuff from Lane, before he
hits a decent vertical suplex. Chinlock, which Prince bothers to sell. Prince
misses an enzigoori. More stuff happened. Prince goes for a torture rack. Lane
hits a bulldog for a two count. Prince wins with a crossbodyblock off the top
rope, and the crowd pops. Decent moves, but this match somehow dragged for me.
Your results may vary. I was just kinda bored though.

Jericho recycles his Nitro cheap heat monologue.