MULTI-SEGMENTED WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT 8/23/2002- PT2
Minutae Of My Life As A Man Who Would Eat Lunch: Had a couple hot dogs and some Pringles and a grape cole drank. My three year old was adorable telling me jokes she made up.
WHAT WORKED:
- Our Olympic Jesus, Kurt Angle, is just motherfucking GREAT in the Kidman match. He pulverizes lil Billy with an extended arsenal of superphat suplexes and then bumps like a fuckin PSYCHOPATH to get over Kidman`s offense. THEN! Kidman remembers that noone is ever allowed to outbump him so he ups the ante post-match with the no-hands Jerry Bump to complete oblivion and YOU and I as WRESTLING FANS completely party and freak out. Angle is like Regal in his ability to work all Cruiserweight as a heavyweight without the need to go all Native on ya- in that he sells like a heavyweight when selling all the cruiserweight spots. It`s complicated. They gave this an eternity and made me think that Kidman vs Angle would be the better feud of the Lord And Savior Angle vs Scrawny Cruiserweight. A battle of hellish bumps would be better than Rey Rey the Giant Killer II.
- The Rock talks of the People`s Testicle, thus assuring that segment a spot on this side. The swallowing of said testicle is two weeks in a row of homoerotic banter, this time reaching a level that even I am baffled by. One can only hope that Rock and Edge form some kind uppercard Intercontinental Chuck and Billy- but one can only speculate at this juncture, but think of the weight of the ass adoration I could conjure if it was that high on the card.
- Rikishi and John Cena are randomly generated as a tagteam and they face the randomly generated tagteam break-up fued that is DeVon and Bautista. Bautista can work. He looked good holding up his end against a fired up Rikishi- the secret good worker of US wrestling. They tease Rikishi placing his big fat ass on Bautista`s face but instead it is D-Von who travels to Rikishi`s pungent cornshoot wonderland where faint remnants of yesterday`s Kim chee and barbecued beef dishwater blow-out reside. They make the mystery break-up official as Bautista does a gnarley Modified RYDEEN BOMB on D-Von to allow Rikishi to mash his giant ass on him some more to get the duke. I could bitch about the break-up looking so random, but if this were a shoot and not a work, tag teams would break up off camera all the time. Heyman is so experimental.
I`ll watch the rest when I get home.
THERE YOU HAVE SOME OF IT.
DEAN.