your MIGHTY WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT-6/10/04!
I'm a little late. It's rib night so I took a little nap. Then we had a nice poundcake. Sauer's Barbecue Sauce is what God uses on his grill. So good on ribs.... (I had visitors, so this is a bit truncated.)
WHAT WORKED-
- CHAVO CLASSIC has his bitches with him. CHAVO CLASSIC is tired from all the fucking. Rey Rey comes out and he gets no Pyro? Rey Rey is on a one way ticket to Val Venis Jabrone Land? Chavo comes out. CHAVO IS A CLASSIC GENTLEMAN! Fuck you Cole! HE TAKES CARE OF HIS BITCHES! Chavo bumps to the floor and Rey kills him and we go to a commercial. Join me in thinking about the pretty hair of CRZ. A flowing stream. Some Prell. It's bubbly and the water is cool but not cold and sun streams in through the trees. It goes all slow motion as he shakes his head wildly- like a wild stallion... Dropkick counter to the Rey Rey Quedrada! FUCK YOU MISTERIO! STEALING CHAVO CLASSIC'S MOVES! Then CHAVO CLASSIC shooting on Rey Rey using the move his uncle invented is SOOO fucking awesome because it's probably true. Chavo runs into CHAVO CLASSIC and Rey Rey avoids his Val Venusian fate for another week.
- My neighbor came over wanted to borrow the computer for a little while so I went to Spencer's Exxon and bought more beer while she hung out with my wife. The Triple Match dealy was a lot better than I figured it would be. I don't know why since Cena was asked to sell and sell and sell and that's what he does best. The RVD match was waaay better than I figured it would be, even with all of RVD's offense looking like total dogshit. The Renee Dupree match good despite Dupree crippling Cena with a fucked up armdrag and the worst powerslam I've ever seen. The extra five minutes was stupid because Dupree didn't go over. And then it set up a FATAL FOURWAY~! It's 1997 all over again! Yuck. Mmmmm 12 of Miller.....
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
- Booker T apologizing was pointless. Cena DOESN'T WEAR A JOE KLECKO THROWBACK and it's upsetting. Then it kinda goes on for a while.
- Kenzo Suzuki is carried out. Cole is hilarious giving us his background: "supposedly he's feuled by hate." Thank you, Cole. We now understand. Yes. Clearly. He is feuled by hate. Geisha's at ringside? So he's doing the Japanese Godfather gimmick! His chops and kicks truly suck- even by WWE standards. Can Of Crowd freak for him as if he were the second coming of Techno Team 2000. He uses a claw hold to hit an STO. A clawhold to hit an STO that was obviously FEULED BY HATE! See, if Bill Parcells had come out and talked to Suzuki, "I don't won't to offend any of youse Oriental types, but we have special wrestling techniques..." - Scotty2Hotty runs in from the crowd and hits Kenzo from behind- "... AHAHAHAHAAHA! that we call our Jap plays!" Ahhhhhh, topical.....
- Eddy takes JBL for a ride in New Jersey. I recommend Arthur's Steaks in Hoboken. They have steaks that look like a bundt cake. Later, JBL goes to a Jewish neighborhood and spraypaints a swastika on the side of the Piscattaway Jewish Community Center.
- Paul E is Our Master Of Exposition in trying to get over the Paul Bearer and the Dudleys MONSTEROUSLY retarded angle.
- Did y'all get that commercial for the cd of Kenny Rogers FORTY TWO hits? Since he has exactly TWO songs worth listening to (Lucille. Ruby) and his other song worth a hoot in hell (Heed The Call) was with the First Edition, I think I would soak my skull in boiling dog urine before I would force myself to listen to it. Except for "Ruby". When "Ruby" comes on I would take my head out of the boiling vat of dog urine and emote to his only true classic. "And if had a gun I think I'd put her in the ground..." And I am the only one to notice that the background music to the ANCHORMAN commercial is the theme to BOTTOM.
- The Undertaker joins Paul Heyman in the stupidest angle in the history in wrestling. All they need is the Black Scorpion and a voodoo curse and think we are sealing the deal.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN RASMUSSEN.