super late RAW WORKRATE REPORT!
Okay, so it doesn't air in the colonies until Friday night, and i'm into my third week of putting myself through this stuff. So you get to read what I thought. Or not. I mention "clit" on line 13 if you wanna jump straight to that...
WHAT WORKED:
Chris Jericho workin' the motherfuckin' stick like a man who knows he's above this shit and is dropping in the crazy drunk shit that he riffs with his pals after they go to comedy clubs and SLAAAAY. Oh, wait. No, yes. Christian is all Junior Jericho, and that's okay. I don't buy this peeps thing - back to the drawing board, Canadian.
HHH dissing Billy G, going all Owen Hart - after he kicked Bret's leg out of his... leg - when he came to the ruining WCW bit. Eh, it made me chuckle. Goldberg is actually being booked well. Did Gerwitz & Stephanie go shopping for wedding shoes while they were writing these bits?
Stevie Night Heat on Monday Night RAW! Yay! Test is all kinds of awful, and so is Steiner. But Stevie Fucking Night Fucking Heat on RAW! Oh, and Stacy Keibler being the owner of a huge camel toe - I mean, you could basically see everything, man. Clit. Fanny. That's British for vagina, you know. The whole freakin' shebang! For that - and Stevie Night Heat on RAW - this owned.
Hmm, main event. What to do, what to say... I liked the build. The match itself wasn't too bad. Flair looked awful, taking ass bumps for everything except the two high backdrops - which he took on his side. Hmm, a legend fades away. Orton was fun, if so, so, so vanilla. Maven was redundant, which is a shame. He should get Kelly Clarkson as his valet. "I AM INDEPENDENT WOMAN! I AM INDEPENDENT WOMAN!". HHH protected himself and that's all I'll say about that. Goldberg looked cool and awesome and it was 1997 all over again. I liked it, I guess.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK:
Ehhh, Jonathan Coachman. Jonathan Coachman. Jonathan. Coachman. And now JR, too. Did RAW cut lots of wrestlers? Only they must have if we're getting a huge announcers' feud. Let's hope they at least make it Coach & Al Snow -vs- Lawler & JR for the PPV? Please? Please, God?
Stoopid hick Cajun crowd falling asleep for Jericho -vs- Christian. Still, part of me can't blame them. It's heel -vs- heel, for chrissakes! You can't book heel -vs- heel and expect a crowd to care. Fundamental Wrestling Booking 101. Still, we know who through that book out the window. The match wasn't fantastic, but still the best between the ropes contest thing on the show.
Women. I like 'em. I really like Gail Kim. Molly's fine, too. Trish is all, ehh, and Ivory is too damn old. Put those breasts away, mother! And while we're on that subject, is it just me or is Terri Runnels looking more like the witch in Evil Dead 2 every day? Women's matches - unless they take place under the auspices of David McLaine - are a waste of my, yours, and everyone's time. Bah.
Shane & Kane. Kane & Shane. I'm getting into Kane now. As a monster, I mean. Not as Wile E Coyote, which is what tonight's segment was made for. RVD is not the kind of guy I'd want to make the save - he might kick me in the mouth or something with his awesome sloppiness. And Shane's testicles? Fuck 'em. Burn 'em right off. If it stops the McMahons reproducing and keeps him off my screen, I'm all for it. Kane The Monster rules.
Hurricane. Rosey. La Resistance. Fuck. Me.