Former
OMEGA Heavyweight Champion, one half of the current OMEGA Tag Team Champions
and Future of American Wrestling, MATT FREAKIN' HARDY, gets a Light Heavyweight
Title shot on my TV screen.
Excuses. We've got excuses: My apologizes for
not being as prompt as usual. It is finals week at American which means
a lot of punk kids who were born in a different decade than I was are deciding
they don't want to come to work. Add that to the fact that my new girlfriend
is commandeering my free time and wrestling comes in a distant third this
week.
What Worked
Where the
Hell did that Brian Christopher/Kevin Quinn match come from? Golly gee,
that was good. I mean Christopher is talented but that was the most surprising
match I have seen in awhile (well besides DDP/Goldberg). Quinn takes a
big bump to nothing. He hits a very an above average handspring splash
that I give him a B+ for effort. Christopher uses the powerbomb to the
floor which I haven't seen him use in awhile. If threatening Christopher
with a marriage angle is going to get him to wrestle like that then I am
all for it. Sure the ending was blown but Quinn is still learning. Plus
it was clean and it works.
Former
OMEGA Heavyweight Champion, one half of the current OMEGA Tag Team Champions
and Future of American Wrestling, MATT FREAKIN' HARDY, gets a Light Heavyweight
Title shot on my TV screen.
I almost
fast forwarded through the Rock interview segment, then Mankind showed
up and the beat down was on. You got to hear Mankind yelling, "Here is
a white guy, he must be corporate! Here's the Corporate Elbow! Here's a
Corporate Table! Here's the Corporate Whatever This Thing Is Called (A
overhead projector)! Here's the Corporate Rhododendron!" Then listen as
Mankind mumbles that is wasn't actually a Rhododendron. Wow, a wrestler
and a botanist.
The fan
with the sign that said "Bure is the Blue Blazer." I got a big kick out
of that since Mr. Pavel Bure will soon be lighting the lamp for my Rangers.
What Didn't Work
Well being
an official Hardy Boy fanboy, I will openly complain about a LH match that
lasted 20 seconds. Matt busted out a splash mountain that got a good pop
from crowd and then the top rope Quebrada which was SWEET. But then the
Blue Meanie gives me more reason to hate him and Hardy is screwed out of
a title. You know Meanie, I'm a gangly 6-6 white guy with limited physical
strength and no wrestling experience but you keep this up and I am coming
to get you. You have been warned.
Mr. McMahon
comes out and deepthroats THE STICK for tremendous amount of time and doesn't
really say anything . But it does remind. Hey Vince, I am having a hard
enough time finding a job. I don't need you encouraging thousands of Canadians
to cross the boarder and come to DC.
Jeff
Jarrett and Debra come out for no other reason than to get the crowd all
fired up since they have nothing else to do. It is funny that everyone
thinks how hot Debra suddenly has become. It is not because she has gotten
more attractive. It is because compared to the mutated freaks of Sable,
Jackie, Chyna and Luna even the south end of a dog is going to look good.
Boy,
that Triple H/Droz sure was no good. Not one bit. Can I help you blow out
the other knee Mr. Hemsley?
Speaking
of not good, the whole fiasco of a match between the New Age Outlaws and
the Acolytes. Then you through in the Bossman and Ken Shamrock and it was
a big clusterfuck. They still managed to let Roadogg Ricky Morton to get
his ass kicked in a match that was three minutes long. No, the WWF isn't
formalistic at all.
Let me
get this straight. Matt Hardy wrestles for a minute so I can get a tour
of the gravesite. THE FUCKING GRAVESITE!!!!!!!!! I'll make sure I visit
that during my next vacation to the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.
You know
how bad Kevin Kelly is at announcing. He made me want to hear more from
Shane McMahon. Why don't they just hire me? I could misidentify all of
the moves and I will take a lot smaller salary then any of those morons.
"Watch Out! Hardcore Champion Coming Through"
Phil Rippa