Because they knew my attention would be focused
on the Simpsons and the season premiere of X-Files or more specifically
Gillian Anderson, the WWF tried to sneak this addition of Heat passed the
border. Nice try fellas.
What Worked
Excluding the trailer for I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (MMMMMM.....
Jennifer Love Hewitt) then NOTHING!!!! Not a single thing worked.
What Didn't Work
Brian Christopher, Scott Taylor, Scorpio and Bob Holly all are quite capable
of wrestling, just none of them chose to display any of it. Instead they
joined with Al Snow in this week's edition of "Playing to the Smarts".
This week, Snow brings out Scorpio and Holly as the newest members of the
J.O.B. Squad. Why? Because the members of J.O.B. are fighting the evil
forces of P.U.S.H. Get it? If you do then you are better than 90% of the
usual audience that is watching it. As for the actual match there isn't
much of one consisting of one minute worth of action. Holly busted out
the pump-handle into powerbomb thingy because since Mark Canterbury is
injured someone has to use it. The ending is all confusing and sloppy because
since Holly and Scorpio are supposedly worse than Too Much I am supposed
to thing of this as an upset. But it doesn't come off well because neither
team has won it like forever. I can't hate it too much (no pun intended)
because at least it is somewhat more original than dead brothers fighting
and it is still way entertaining than listen to Val Venis talk about his
dick.
That's right. We got to hear Val Venis talk about his dick and how he got
a vasectomy. That is why he can't be the father of Terri Runnels' child.
Good. Good for you. Now go away.
Reason #4582 for hating the Undertaker: He prevents X-Pac from wrestling.
At no time, have I ever thought that Sable wrestling was a good idea Because
it isn't. Not today, tomorrow or three weeks after Christmas. Do you wonder
if Sable's plastic surgeon warned her that the implants might Exploded
in some Freaky accident that science can't quite figure out because God
knows those things are not natural. Ya' know that anything more than a
Handful is risking a sprained thumb. That leads me to wonder If Marc Mero
is attracted to the Jabberwocky-esque creature that he is now Knotted to.
Just remember that that is a Life time commitment there buddy. Maybe the
WWF executives were leary that this November Pay-Per-View wasn't going
to be OFF THE CHART so they needed to PUMP UP THE BUYRATE so they Quickly
decided that the Right corse of action would be to add Sable and Jackie.
Wrestling mind you. The whole thing gets even worse when you through in
the Utterly unwatchable Sable in a weight room fiasco. Vince must get a
tremendous Woody from all of this shit. He should just release the Sable
and Jackie X-rated movie costarring Debra, Terri, Chyna and Luna. You know
it would feature roided out freaks in exotic locations and I'm sure a Zipper,
Zebra and Zookeeper will also be involved.
Well the Legion Of Doom/Road Warriors as we knew them are finished. And
I will be the first one to say that it happened about 10 years to late.
Thanks for playing. He's your year supply of Turtle Wax. Go away.
The Godfather and Marc Mero do a whole lotta EXPOSING THE BUSINESS as Shane
McMahon referees and Mr. McMahon watches from the back. I wonder if Vince's
knows that despite the wheelchair and handicap sticker, he still would
have to pay for parking here in Arlington, VA.
The Rock got on THE STICK. The Ripper got on THE TOILET. The effect was
the same. A big turd was dropped.
The final straw came when the New Age Outlaws came out. They then wrestled
the Hardy Boys. Of course, I didn't see this because the WWF decided to
only show the NAO arguing with Mr. McMahon. The OMEGA boys were left on
the cutting room floor (or shown on Shotgun which is about the same thing).
That's it I'm outta here.
Phil Rippa