The first 20 minutes of Heat had me marking out
like a 14 year old school girl at a Spice Girl concert. The last 40 minutes...
aah well that's the WWF for you.
What Worked
Heat was all about the Hardy Boyz (see the Z is because they are from the
street). I saw the first match of the OMEGA boys against LOD 2000 on Shotgun
Saturday Night via Superstars. Jeff and Matt busted out the OMEGA tights
and Jeff nearly killed himself (no surprise) on a simple throw to the outside.
So you figure that they are going to get squashed again by Suck, Stink
and Shit. Wrong Don Pardo!!!! First off, Jeff makes Animal's powerbomb
look like Benoit's Otani-killer as he puts his heart and soul into whacking
the back of his skull on the canvas. The brothers even help out Animal
in making the double suplex work. Then the Hardy's hit the swank top-rope
legdrop/splash combo for the win. Clean as a sheet. Yup, right there on
my television screen. Animal, I no longer hate you. THEN, the OMEGA boys
go to the back and chat it up with Shane McMahon, so they even got a little
self-promotion. I will ignore the fact that they cut Matt off mid-sentence
because it looks like President Shane McMahon = Hardy Boy wins. I'm telling
you get in on the ground floor now. The 21st century has arrived early.
Steve Regal arrives on the screen and he is going to WRESTLE. Boys and
girls, this would be now as a good thing. Regal wears a hardhat saying
that it is a symbol of the blue-collar labor that he is proud of. And it
works so well because of all the punk kids from the University of Texas
in the audience who are coasting along on daddy's money and have never
worked a day in their lives (if you ignore the kids with the fledgling
bookmaking careers) got really angry. Bradshaw comes out to answer Regal's
challenge. That would be who was brave enough to not cry when Regal kicked
them right in the back and punched them straight between the eyes. Regal
gave Bradshaw some offense since it was Bradshaw's hometown and all. Even
Jim Cornette tried to get me to like him again by talking up Regal and
then mentioning the Dynamite Kid and Billy Robinson. All we need is Mr.
Regal calling people "sunshine" and ranting on about "all you little degeneration
X punks pointing at your willies" (TM Phil Scheinder). This is going to
be great. But great God almighty, what was up with that music?
Shane McMahon not doing commentary.
MMMMMMM.......... Jennifer Love Hewitt. Oh, sorry that was during the commercial
break.
What Didn't Work
I all for The Brood; that would be the trio of Gangrel, Edge and Christian.
But when you are in the ring with the Oddities good things will not be
happening. Someone obviously told John Tenta that people wanted to see
his stomach and whoever that person was needs to be shot in the head. The
WWF needs to go russle up someone like Cham Pain or Venom, team them with
the Hardy Boys and feud them with The Brood right now.
Steve Blackman vs. D-Lo Brown was sooo very close to working but the booked
it 17 ways to Sunday and so it didn't. Plus the appearance by the Headbangers
cemented this matches fate. Now call me crazy, but supposedly you are the
world's strongest man like Mark Henry claims to be but when two grunge
wannabes come down and start giving you a hard time, you have to wait to
you have back up?!?!?!? HELLO, MCFLY!!!!! You the "world's strongest man".
God, I hate lapses in logic.
Oh boy, Droz and Hawk are going to wrestle on RAW. Ollie, be afraid. Be
very afraid.
The Dan Severn segment wasn't good. Nope, not at all.
Boy Jeff Jarrett's mom sure is skanky. Oh wait that's Debra McMichael.
Boy Val Venis' mistress sure is skanky. Oh wait that's Terri Runnels. Based
on the way things are going and the reaction from the crowd, Venis dumps
the mother of his child and he is still the face. Great, says a lot about
this country doesn't it.
Shane McMahon gets on THE STICK. He talks about rebelling against his father
and how THEY HAVE LEGIT HEAT IN THE BACK. All of this is done before Survivor
Series so THEY CAN PUMP UP THE BUYRATE and POP A BIG HOUSE.
HA, HA, HA, HA, HA..... The Godfather vs. The Undertaker. HA, HA, HA, HA,
HA.... Did you know the Undertaker liked hos. HA, HA, HA, HA, HA..... Kane's
in the rafter.... HA, HA, HA, HA, HA.... Oh that's a classic.
Phil Rippa