Make
Mick Foley world champion right now. He almost drags a watchable match
out of both members of DOA (more on them later) and then takes the world's
sloppiest chairshot courtesy of Mr. Shamrock.
What Worked
One half
of the OMEGA Boys, Matt Hardy, goes out and tries to kill himself against
the worst member of KDX, Funaki. Trying to pick out the worst member of
KDX is like trying to pick the worst part of the Holy Trinity so you know
this match ruled. A reverse slam. A knee-shattering plancha. A weird-ass
sloppy diving headbutt. Learn to love the Kaienti-Hardy Boy feud. And I
am not complaining about the WWF Hardyz spelling because they could spell
it Hardee's and it would still mean Matt and Jeff are going to be on my
TV.
Make
Mick Foley world champion right now. He almost drags a watchable match
out of both members of DOA (more on them later) and then takes the world's
sloppiest chairshot courtesy of Mr. Shamrock.
What Didn't Work
I am getting
into this right now. THE TRAIN WRECK THAT WAS THE MAIN EVENT. I swear to
you, I think Jeff Jarrett and Rocky Maivia were having a killer match.
I mean, JIMMYJILLIGERS, it's the Rock and Double J, could they possibly
have a great match. I can't tell you for sure because of the 30,000 different
things going on at once. Steve Austin is wandering around swearing at people.
Shane McMahon gets typecast as the candyass that he is. Jim Cornette starts
yelling at the very top at his lungs while he starts trying coax Austin
into punking Shane. So you have three people not talking about the match
but to make sure you don't confuse this with Nitro they throw Vince McMahon
calling in on what sounded like two cans, some string and lots of flem.
God this was awful. Okay, I don't need announcers to watch a match, I can
tune them out. Well, it's pretty hard when the camera shots are of them
instead of the ring. Then to top matters off by the time they get to the
match it ends with a screwy finish as Dennis Knight, who I didn't even
realize was at ringside, interferes. All of this leads me to play....
SIX DEGREES OF DUSTY BOOKING!!!! Either Cornette or Jim Ross booked all of that nonsense so they both getting blame so we are playing this game twice.
Jim Ross Version:
1) Ross handles the majority of the announcing
duties which he used to do in NWA/WCW.
2) Ross once announced a Western Heritage Title
match between Tully Blanchard and Barry Windham that saw the referee Tommy
Young use the announcers TV replay to determine that J.J. Dillion rang
the timekeepers bell to stop the match.
3) Barry Windham, who once played a bogus Sting
at Halloween Havoc, once feuded with the Yellow Dog.
4) The Yellow Dog was Brian "Mr. Bookerman" Pillman
under a mask after he had lost a loser- leaves-town match.
5) The Yellow Dog was a direct rip-off of the
Midnight Rider.
6) The Midnight Rider was...... DUSTY RHODES.
Jim Cornette Version:
1) Jim Cornette, who has experience handling
large amounts of booking (RE: Smoky Mountain), used to be the manager of
a tag team known as the Midnight Express.
2) The Midnight Express won countless matches
via the use of Cornette's tennis racket.
3) Bobby Eaton, a man who once wrestled in the
only Capture The Flag Scaffold Match, was a member of the Midnight Express.
4) Eaton was also in the Dangerous Alliance which
included Arn Anderson, someone who had the misfortune of losing a match
in a nanosecond to the Renegade.
5) Anderson, who is still trying to shake off
the memories of The Great American Bash '91 Main Event that involved himself,
Paul E. Dangerously against Rick Steiner and Missy Hyatt, is a member of
the Four Horseman.
6) The Four Horseman once beat up in a parking
lot.... DUSTY RHODES...
Speaking
of Cornette. Since he and the Headbangers are going to forever be part
of my memories of the infamous MCW show (if we DVD players have anything
to say about it), they are now officially banished to this half of the
review. Mosh and Thrasher would need to part the Red Sea or something to
get me to reconsider. But it they keep wrestling the Oddities, then my
life is easy.
I like
the idea of dejected Owen Hart but not at the expense of a potential great
match between himself and X-Pac. If he doesn't feel up to wrestling say
Marc Mero or Dustin PoopDust, more power to him. But Hart and Waltman easily
have a match that will blow away most everything you are going to see on
a WWF show.
Since
DOA are identical twins, they have the ability to both suck when only one
is actually wrestling.
HEY LOOK,
Sable is going to be on Pacific Blue next week. Man, what's the VCR Plus
number for that bad boy.
The WWF
better not start making a habit of cutting away from matches to watch things
going on in the back ala the Old NWO days. To cut away from Matt Hardy/Funaki
to see Vince sitting in a hospital bed is not my idea of entertainment.
Let's nip this little problem in the bud. Look how much I wrote in the
What Didn't Worked category and I was entertained by the show.
Phil Rippa