What Worked
I'll be
honest with you, Scorpio and Taka could stand in the ring and stare at
each other for 15 minutes and it would still make it into this column.
(Probably just on the merit that they gave them 15 minutes.) This match
almost was the equivalent of that but not quite. Taka hits the PHAT ASS
Asai Moonsault and then shows what a pro he is by subtly sliding into position
on Scorpio's moonsault. I have seen him hit much more impressive drivers
but the world is not a perfect place.
Well
Golly! The Brawl For All recap was just amazing. Edit out the random nonsense
and what do you get, people beating the everliving piss and snot out of
each other. Yeah, they fixed that blood and injuries and knockouts. Hey
look, Brakkas is getting his ass whupped.
The
Headbangers vs. Owen Hart/Dan Severn was about what you expect. It wasn't
real good but it wasn't bad either. You gotta love Severn because as he
is taking it to the mat, he is still trying to sell you on that aluminum
siding. I dug the Owen getting pointers after the match on how to improve
on the dragon sleeper.
Animal
didn't actually wrestle and Drunk Hawk made an appearance. Gotta love that.
You see Drunk Hawk is much better than No-Selling, Bloated Hawk. Speaking
of no-selling, Hawk's line on Raw about how the King told him to no- sell
a piledriver was classic but I will let Ollie get into that.
The
Al Snow video package was shown again which meant yet again that A LOT
of horrible wrestlers were kept off my television screen. Racing the Head
is especially hilarious when you watch Al do the Rocker dance as he is
going around the track.
The
Oddities entrance music is really cool. I am not a ICP fan but they got
their asses handed to them by the suit wearing Sabu so they have earned
a chance from me. Plus the song is head-and-shoulders above any other theme
in the WWF.
What Didn't Work
It must
have been the contact high that I had thanks to the Dave Matthews concert
that I went to Sunday night but when I first watched Southern Justice vs.
Kurragan/Golga, I thought it worked. When watched with a clear head you
realize, THAT'S KURRAGAN AND JOHN TENTA. IT CAN'T BE GOOD. Plus Southern
Justice's streak of working stiff ends. Ugh.
Well
if I'm correct, the Rock and Triple H are going to have a Ladder Match
at THE SUMMERSLAM (TM Bret Hart). The top two wrestlers who everyone thinks
are good wrestlers but reall aren't square off in a match that is SOOOOOOO
not suited for their styles. That would be looser than my grandmamma's
applesauce. I can just hear Jim Ross now "Triple H hit the big knee. The
Rock Tripped Over The Ladder. Oh My God! This is brutal!" Of course, most
of the Internet freaks have already pegged this as a classic so I wonder
why the fellas are even going to show up.
I remember
awhile back in the King Of Cable Semifinals (Don't quote me on this, it
was some bizarre WCW Tournament) Dustin Runnels probably had his best match
as Vader potatoed the fuck out of him and Runnels had a whole bunch of
offense and it was exciting. Well Vader is on his way to Big Japan and
Runnels is wandering around the crowd wearing his Skids and carrying a
"He's Coming Back Sign". I hope the person that is coming back is the young
somewhat talented Dustin Runnels. Aww what the hell am I talking about,
I hope its the best wrestler in the universe, Chris MOTHERFUCKING Benoit
(Techincally, it would be his first time but it's Chris MOTHERFUCKING Benoit.)
Shane
McMahon improved leaps and bounds over the past few weeks but he still
is pretty much the third guy from the right on the eveloutionary chart.
(For reference, the fourth guy is Jim Duggan and the second guy is me.)
In case
you have been in a cave on Mars with your eyes shut and your fingers in
your ears, Steve Austin and the Undertaker are on the Highway to Hell.
There you go.
Phil Rippa